My daughter wants to go abroad without me

[Protectivemama]

My daughter will be finishing secondary school next year and will have just turned 16. She wants to go on holiday after she leaves to go to Benidorm with her cousin, aged 23, who's offered to pay for the entire thing and will be taking her 2 yr old. My daughter has never been abroad before and neither me or her dad will be in the position to go. It's not that I don't want her to have such a wonderful opportunity but I think she is still far too young and not mature enough to be travelling abroad without parents so I've said no. For context, me and dad have been separated for many years and I hardly know the cousin(his side of the family) anymore but my daughter is very close to her. My daughter's safety is the most important thing in the world to me so when I think of all the things that could go wrong it reinforces this belief but AIBU??

Parts if it are, yes, but there's also family friendly stuff going on there

This is exactly what I was thinking! Your daughter is going to be babysitting while her cousin is out finding a new baby daddy...

Ah, that would be why my 80 year old sil and her husband spend a month there every summer. All is now crystal clear.

Oh come on. It's not beyond the realm of possibilities is it?

She could easily be organising to go out there with friends as well!

Loads of people take their kids on holiday and then dump them in kids clubs and stuff.

Yep, they're out til 8am raving it up 😀😀😀

Well so far you've focused on the good parts of this complex situation.
Anyone can imagine how the holiday could be either brilliant or terrible.
I think the key is to weigh up pros and cons as far as possible and decide based on that.
It's not an easy choice at all which is why there's lots of different opinions.

Or op could do the normal thing of speaking to ex husband to find out a bit more about cousin and she could also speak to dd who apparently spends a lot of time with cousin so when she goes around in the evening do they spend the evening together or does cousin just go out. Rather then randoms online just making up random shit.

Are you joking ? She's 16 and never been abroad. That's bizzare. Abroad is Ireland and France let alone far away. No wonder mum is worried she won't take her anywhere let alone let her go anywhere !

In the country where I live that wouldn't be the norm didn't realise this happened in the UK that's terrible.

@ButteredRadishes That was my first thought too!

It’s not a bad plan as long as the DD understands that’s the idea. She’ll still get the sun and pool time during the day.

I can see being very iffy if it was two 16yo going together. But 16 and a 23yo family member wouldn't be a concern for me. The but for me is why is the 23yo doing this? Are they close and she just wants to? Or is your daughter going to be babysitting 24/7?

Yes, direct communication is always best; I definitely agree with that.
I also think a bit of forward thinking (imagination) is useful to make a good decision though.

Op said they are close

Unpaid babysitter so she can go out on the piss in Benidorm.

YANBU, you don’t know this woman. 18 yes, 16 no.

wow

projecting much?

and the difference between 18 and 16 is?

"this woman" is a cousin - OP can just speak with her ex and ask him? It's his kid too.

Op when dd and cousin spend time together, do they spend time together or does she just go out and leave her kid with dd.

I was on the pill (for my periods which were horrendous) but antibiotics had affected them combined with a condom that split. It was just a coincidence.
Should we have been having sex at that age, nope, but it happens.
As for being left alone for long enough with a boy, I find that utterly bizarre, teenagers will always find a way to do what they want.
Our second (and third) were planned, it wasn’t ideal but it worked for us.

Fair enough. But personally I wouldn't leave a 16 year old in sole charge of my 2 year old child in a foreign country. There are language barriers, everything is unfamiliar and help from relatives or friends is at least a day away. What could possibly go wrong - for either of them?

I think she meant going clubbing alone.

Most of my friends go abroad regularly and it's pretty common, I think. But some people never have an interest in travelling, some aren't able to, some can't afford to etc. There are lots of wonderful places to visit in the UK too!

Perhaps she wants the company? Being alone with a 2 year old is hard work and can be lonely.

Good for you but this 16 year old will be in a foreign country. She won't be babysitting the nextdoor neighbour. There are language barriers, unfamiliar systems and any help from friends or family will be a plane ride away. I think it's fair to say you can be vulnerable yourself at 16. You are effectively still a child and actually too young to book accommodation on your own. I've lived overseas for years and even as an adult a medical emergency or fire for example is exacerabted by unfamiliar territory. But, if you'd be happy to leave your 2 year old under these circumstances, fair play to you. I personally would not.

I think you’re going to hold her back. She’s going with an adult and a 2 year old so will not be out partying. Give her this.

Thats good it’s worked out for you in the end- I bet lots at the time thought it wouldn’t. It is perfect possible though to ensure that isn’t doesn’t happen. I have 3 teens currently and can’t even imagine this at 13 🤯 Just so far from the culture of our family / how we operate