My daughter wants to go abroad without me

[Protectivemama]

My daughter will be finishing secondary school next year and will have just turned 16. She wants to go on holiday after she leaves to go to Benidorm with her cousin, aged 23, who's offered to pay for the entire thing and will be taking her 2 yr old. My daughter has never been abroad before and neither me or her dad will be in the position to go. It's not that I don't want her to have such a wonderful opportunity but I think she is still far too young and not mature enough to be travelling abroad without parents so I've said no. For context, me and dad have been separated for many years and I hardly know the cousin(his side of the family) anymore but my daughter is very close to her. My daughter's safety is the most important thing in the world to me so when I think of all the things that could go wrong it reinforces this belief but AIBU??

My 16yo is going abroad with 4 other 16yo boys after his exams. It's fine, it's a nice treat and too good an offer to pass up. Same for your daughter. You need to let go of the apron strings a bit or you could lose her.

You are being massively controlling. I would hazard a guess that this is more about FOMO rather than you actually having any concerns for your daughter's safety.

YABVU and incredibly selfish.

Eh?

I was asking why would the 23 year old want to go out clubbing on her own, in a place where she presumably knows no-one else?

I’d let her go. She’s with an adult and it sounds like they’ll be in a resort so there will be reps etc.

Oh, sorry!

Maybe she's actually going with some mates? And she's thinking she can bring OPs daughter along to babysit.

I dunno.

Like I said it depends on the 23yo, and the relationship between her and the 16yo.

It might be all lovely and cousins having a lovely time playing with 2 yo and just giggling, chatting and playing card games through the evening.

Or it might be that 243yo will fuck off at 10:30pm and return at 8am ...

It aall depends.

I didn’t let mine travel on her own til she turned 18 due to legalities in my country, but with a responsible adult I don’t see why not. She’s off to Benidorm, not trekking hitchhiking through Mongolia.

My mother always sent us abroad to family and friends growing up and we never had any issues. The only time there was any drama was when I brought a friend.

My 16 year old has been out of the country 4 times in the last year without us, or family, The first time she was still 15. Yes I worry about her, but you have to let them spread their wings and grow up

She was 15 and travelled abroad with no adults anywhere in the journey?

Because she doesn't want to go by herself, she wants some company and a bit of a hand with the toddler. And she's very close to OP's daughter.

Seems OK to me unless there's some backstory which makes either of them untrustworthy.

Probably because a holiday alone with a small child can be fairly dull and exhausting, and having another adult along to share the load and hang out with makes it significantly more enjoyable.

Yes, she had to be with a 16 year old. That airline rule has since changed. It was for sports training, they were met by coaches at arrivals.

Shes well able to navigate airports etc now

My 12 yo can navigate airports. They're easier than some train stations!

I would assume your DD going to be spending a lot of time babysitting.

If it was just the 23 year old cousin, I’d understand your concern a bit more. But with a toddler in the mix, this won’t be a holiday full of inappropriate behaviour (hopefully) and the cousin is likely just after some company and another pair of hands to help her on holiday.
The only worry I’d have is if the cousin was likely to take advantage of your daughter as a babysitter and bugger off out clubbing each night.

In the situation you described I wouldn't send either of my daughters. Not in a million years. Or son for that matter.

Isn't it a right of passage to leave school and go on an abroad holiday with your mates. Inbetweeners anyone?
A trip with her cousin and 2yr old will be positively tame in comparison.

I travelled all over the Europe and Canada by myself at 16, amazing life experiences. As long as she knows how to keep herself safe I wouldn't hold her back.

Eh? My son flew to Portugal alone to meet a family and friends over there - he was 16 with BA they did the assistance thing but he loved it.. why would you say no?

I wouldn’t want my 16 year old left responsible for a toddler abroad around pools, balconies, busy beaches etc.

My first assumption is that adult cousin wants free babysitter. Daughter will probably be fine but I'd get that clear first.

Lol the cousin probably only invited her to babysit. Have you told her of that?

That would be a firm no from me unless you know the 23 year old is very responsible and your DD is too. Where is the 23 year old with a 2 year old getting that sort of money from? I would worry about drinking, drugs and getting in all sorts of trouble.

I moved entirely to a different country alone at 16, got a job, accommodation etc by myself for five years.

I'm not saying that was a great parenting choice by my parents but I think people can underestimate the abilities of teens.

In this case she's being accompanied by her older cousin who has a kid so is not going to be going out getting smashed every night (unless as PP say she's been invited as a babysitter!).

I took my teen DN on a month long holiday to SE Asia when I was late 20s as he'd never really travelled before and we had an absolute blast.

I think you're being majorly overprotective. Don't deny her this opportunity!

To help ent er rain the 2 year old or just becayse she enjoys her company, mix of both.

Absolutely let her go. What a lovely memory for her.