My daughter wants to go abroad without me

[Protectivemama]

My daughter will be finishing secondary school next year and will have just turned 16. She wants to go on holiday after she leaves to go to Benidorm with her cousin, aged 23, who's offered to pay for the entire thing and will be taking her 2 yr old. My daughter has never been abroad before and neither me or her dad will be in the position to go. It's not that I don't want her to have such a wonderful opportunity but I think she is still far too young and not mature enough to be travelling abroad without parents so I've said no. For context, me and dad have been separated for many years and I hardly know the cousin(his side of the family) anymore but my daughter is very close to her. My daughter's safety is the most important thing in the world to me so when I think of all the things that could go wrong it reinforces this belief but AIBU??

Why would you worry about a child on holiday with her mother. Do you abandon and mistreat your children on holiday

If a lot of people worry about the 16 year old, why wouldn't some worry about the 2 year old?

Exactly. She's 23 not 53. 23 year olds aren't exactly imbued with wordly wisdom themselves. I'd be concerned that my daughter would be used as childcare for the two year old and not know what to do should an emergency arise.

She doesn’t know the cousin though. It’s on dads side and she doesn’t have much to do with them (daughter speaks to her but mum doesn’t know her well)

But why after contraception failed (not sure why you would be thinking it was remotely ok to have sex at 13 or been left alone with a boy long enough but still) why did you then go on to have another at 15? Was that deliberate or another surprise?

Also, in my personal view, if she’s had a baby at 20/21 and then not with the father (I assume as he’s not coming on holiday) that would raise doubts in my mind as to her level of responsibility in itself. Again, my personal opinion.

Of course not!
It's about risk assessment in this particular situation.

I don't think her age is the most relevant factor here, I think the destination is.
I wouldn't send my 17 yr old DD off to Benidorm with an older cousin, or cousins, or even her older brother. But when she was 15 or 16 she went on a group trip to Tanzania and other places.

It's Benidorm that's the problem.

They're going to benidorm not baghdad. why wouldn't she be safe, there's going to be a toddler so it will be a family friendly place and its probably to her cousin has a bit of company an maybe the odd bit of baby watching she gets a massage or something.

You don't need to know her cousin, her father knows her cousin as it's his family. Madness.

Yes, it's the particular situation that is always the important thing.

because they are close and she wants company and to treat her cousin post exams? and she can afford it?

What wrong with benidorm have you actually been its filled with families

why?

it has a family holiday side, lots of child friendly hotels, a theme park for younger children?

just like ibiza. its a big place

What particular situation a single mum going on holiday with her child and taking a relative for company

It is a "Brits abroad" nightlife place.

If she is going with an older cousin and a toddler I would let her. I would want to speak to the cousin first and also know where they are staying. I would guess the cousin wants some company on the trip.

Most likely they will be going all inclusive and normally those places are strict about not serving under age. I doubt a 16 year old is going to have the funds to go on a bar crawl.

this!

there are much better party cities in spain really if we're being honest.

why would she take the 2 year old, she clearly has family connection if she is close to her cousin. let alone that she'd be roaming around on her own and isn't likely to be making big party mates in a hotel that is 2 year old friendly.

No!
That isn't it at all.
Obviously that bit is great, but that's not the only consideration.

I'd be very worried if my 16yo didn't know what to do if an emergency arise!

I'd expect them to know just as much as I do there. I am not a trained paramedic or first responder of any kind, there's nothing I know they shouldn't know by that age.

Such as ?

I was pregnant with my second child when I was 23. And I certainly knew what to do in an emergency when I was 16. Your post epitomises the ridiculous way we infantalise young people these days.

everyone on MN is NC or grey rocking their extended family so they consider cousins to be random 😅

lots of families consider cousins to be close relatives especially outside of this place

Not a chance I'd agree in these circumstances. Yanbu.

if a 16 year old can't google spanish 999 or call the front desk in an emergency there's much bigger problems.

Seriously? And alone ? Why the hell would she take a 2yr old !
Your comment is out of order and judgemental.