My daughter wants to go abroad without me

[Protectivemama]

My daughter will be finishing secondary school next year and will have just turned 16. She wants to go on holiday after she leaves to go to Benidorm with her cousin, aged 23, who's offered to pay for the entire thing and will be taking her 2 yr old. My daughter has never been abroad before and neither me or her dad will be in the position to go. It's not that I don't want her to have such a wonderful opportunity but I think she is still far too young and not mature enough to be travelling abroad without parents so I've said no. For context, me and dad have been separated for many years and I hardly know the cousin(his side of the family) anymore but my daughter is very close to her. My daughter's safety is the most important thing in the world to me so when I think of all the things that could go wrong it reinforces this belief but AIBU??

🤣🤣

At 16 I had my own home & 2 young children. Not saying this was ideal or what any parent would want for their daughter but she is 16, why would you even think of ‘not letting her’. Help boost her confidence to travel, be independent & see the world if that’s what she wants, it’s Benidorm, it’s more English than England 🤣

Not everyone can afford to take kids abroad.

It's an expensive game.

I’d want to know why the choice of Benidorm? If they had chosen a family orientated resort in say Menorca I would probably feel differently. But the choice of Benidorm is probably making many people feel that 23yo is possibly seeing her as a babysitter. Of course, it could just be a cheap deal

Loads of parents will dump their kids on holidays. That's why there's kids clubs and stuff, isn't there?

It's not like we're being unrealistic suggesting that the cousin might use DD as a babysitter.

Has DD been used as a babysitter by the cousin before?

So the 16 year old can babysit while she goes out on the razz?

Ah, Bangladesh, the famous clubbing hotspot

What’s wrong with people on this forum? It’s pretty clear i’m talking about children travelling without parents. This kid won’t be clubbing with a 2yr old in tow.

@Zanatdy the 23yo maybe with 16yo babysitting

You are being overly protective. There is nothing she can do in Benidorm with her older cousin and a baby that she couldn't do in the UK. Let her go.

You are completely unreasonable to deny her such an opportunity because of you re anxieties.
she s finished school, so might be going ti uni. Are you going to stop her as well because of her safety?

she is going with an adult cousin who is also going with a child. O dont imagine they ll he dancing on tables sniffing coke.

i cannot bare parents who do not let their children practice using their own wings in a safe environment.
i think you are jealous of her opportunity and are using her safety as an excuse.

Financial reasons perhaps.

What’s the problem with that? Her daughter won’t be clubbing, she will be babysitting. I doubt a 23yr old will go out alone clubbing. Maybe she just wants some company and a good choice is her cousin who she is close to. Benidorm is for families aswell as clubbing.

At 16, can you even say ‘no’?

I went to Spain with 3 friends at that age, just after our GCSEs. I paid for it myself so told, rather than asked my parents.

I really miss the laugh reaction.

She is travelling with a trusted adult who is a family member that she is very close
too. I see no issue here, let her go and enjoy her free holiday.

No, I would be wary- I have a dd who is just turning 16. She’s a good girl but not streetwise, been fairly sheltered thus far due to being in an all girls school in a lovely area and spending all her time either studying or doing the sports she loves.
Abroad I would want someone responsible who I trusted to be with her.
Im sure there are plenty of cool mums here who let their children backpack round Outer Mongolia alone at 14 or whatever but personally to me the world has some pretty evil people in it and its just not worth the risk until I felt that my child was older and more streetwise

Where did you stay?

The question is not whether the OP's child can travel safely on an aeroplane to a foreign destination starting with a B. It's about the destination itself and the circumstances of the visit. You don't think a 23 year old woman is capable of going and having a little drink and making new friends for herself? In... Benidorm?

I don't think a 16 yr old should ever be forced to be an unpaid childminder for a toddler, so we differ. Especially not in that kind of location. At best the kid is going to be quite miserable and bored much of the time.

Is she a trusted adult @Samesame47?

People don’t go to uni at 16?

You had 2 of your own children by 16?? How did you have your own home? That can’t be real, sound like something from the Tudor times

@PalePinkPeony and certainly not something to aspire to

The main thing I’d be concerned about here is the 23 year old’s expectations around how much “help” or babysitting she will expect with the toddler.

If the mum is paying then it’s reasonable to expect some help in return but your dd needs to be careful that she doesn’t spend the entire holiday running around after or stuck in a room with the toddler whilst the 23 year old sunbathes and drinks.

This is difficult for you to gauge how likely it is as you don’t know her but could her dad maybe facilitate a conversation to set some boundaries?