My daughter wants to go abroad without me

[Protectivemama]

My daughter will be finishing secondary school next year and will have just turned 16. She wants to go on holiday after she leaves to go to Benidorm with her cousin, aged 23, who's offered to pay for the entire thing and will be taking her 2 yr old. My daughter has never been abroad before and neither me or her dad will be in the position to go. It's not that I don't want her to have such a wonderful opportunity but I think she is still far too young and not mature enough to be travelling abroad without parents so I've said no. For context, me and dad have been separated for many years and I hardly know the cousin(his side of the family) anymore but my daughter is very close to her. My daughter's safety is the most important thing in the world to me so when I think of all the things that could go wrong it reinforces this belief but AIBU??

Nah, I’d say 18 was the age I’d let mine go. Course some people here are fine with their 16yos going in these situations, but you know your DD and you make your own decisions.

Some of the comments on here are batshit 🤣
The most likely scenario is the 23 year old single mum doesn't have many friends and wants to go on holiday but doesn't want to go alone and like you said has a close relationship with your daughter. People on here's negative and stuck up views of young mums is clouding their judgement and seem to think just because she's 23 she's going to abandon her child. Let your daughter go it will be a nice holiday for them all.

I think you have a right to be concerned. And how would it be fun to go with someone seven years older with a toddler that you or she hardly knows? I wonder what the motivation is for invitng her? It just seems an odd dynamic and she could be taken advantage of as a babysitter. I'd certainly be asking a lot more questions anyway.

My DD16 travelled to Germany on her own this year. Airline happy to book tickets and no issues with security/passport control either way.

Im sure in some instances they may be asked for further proof of reason to travel, and maybe moreso with an unrelated adult but it certainly is possible.

@Protectivemama if she’s sensible herself and the cousin appears to be a responsible parent then I’d have no issues

In my experience most still do want to go away with parents. It's not like they are going to be able to, or to afford to go on holiday on their own at 16. DH and I never stopped going on holiday with our parents/inlaws as well as on our own as we all get on. Yes, they will want to go away with mates/partners as young adults but it doesn't mean that family holidays have to stop or there is an automatic cut off at a certain age.

To all the people who think the 23 year old is just going to abandon her kid. When you go on holiday as a parent do you just abandon your kids and leave them with older siblings so you can go out for the night or are you just saying this to be ageist and assume parents in their 20s are shit mums and parents in their 30s and 40s are superior. Just remind me again how old the mccans where

I went all sorts of places without adult supervision at 16! She’ll be fine, trust me.

When YOU go on holiday you do not abandon your kids. Some do and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with age.

Exactly so why is there comment after comment saying she will just leave her kid and go out every night. The majority of parents will not do this

This.

does she simply want to go clubbing / out all day?

tell your DD to take her own spending and emergency money.

Surely it's a fair question and concern, whether the 16 year old might be being brought over as a baby sitter? I'd be very concerned about the possible implications of a toddler getting sick in a foreign country with a 16 year old in charge. At the very least, the OP needs to talk to the cousin about it all.

This is probably what will happen.

I agree the comment is unnecessary but I do think that if your child hasn’t been abroad and is being given the opportunity then you should be supporting it rather than refusing

I’m a completely lone parent and when my DC was young until she was 4 ish my teenager neighbour used to come over Saturday and help me. She would play with my DD whilst I got some jobs done but many times we would go and do something together like shopping and it was so nice for me to have another pair of hands to help whilst I was trying on something.
My young DC loved my young neighbour and it was a great situation and I enjoyed her company too.
If we’d been related, I can imagine extending it to a holiday. It’s not like you’re going g to leave them in sole charge, it’s just lovely having someone else there when you’re on your own.
If the 23 yo is someone you or your ex trust then I think knit would be a good opportunity for your DD. My DD went abroad many times without me growing up - it depends if you trust the person theyre going with x

If my daughter hadn't been abroad before I'd not want her first experience to be with a random cousin and her toddler. It's not going to be a relaxing fun break for a teenager with a two year old in tow, though it may prove to be a fantastic contraceptive.

16 and 23yo alone is have shared your concerns.

16/23 and 2yo. I’d let her go.

The 23yo is an adult and also a mum. It won’t be a mad clubbing holiday.

I'd be happy to let a
16 year old go abroad with a young relative like that, but not to Benidorm! (Or similar place.)

OP‘s DD needs to have an honest conversation with her cousin. How many hours a day will she expect her to babysit? Will she have a day off? Will the cousin pay for OP‘s DD to visit attractions with them?

let’s say OP‘s cousin simply wants to have a lie-in most days and expects OP to take the toddler to breakfast and entertain the LO until about 10. I would think that entirely reasonable.

OP‘s DD would still have the rest of the day to enjoy being on holiday and her cousin would get lie-ins.

But these are things that OP‘s DD and her cousin need to talk about in advance. The cousin needs to clearly outline what she expects and OP‘s DD needs to clearly communicate what she‘s willing to provide.

and there a worse things than fantastic contraceptive! I remember looking after two toddlers for an entire weekend as a very young adult. A very effective contraceptive!😂

It's not compulsory.

It’s a bit odd. How will they go out? The cousin won’t be able to go out properly in the evening due to toddler. So would 16 year old go out alone?

I think it really depends on the teenager involved. My son at a bit older went around Asia with a mate and had a great time - had some ski lessons somewhere in the mix. He was the sensible sort in terms of personal safety though and his mate was well travelled.

How sensible and easily led is your daughter? Only you can answer that. What about the cousin - is she the sort to be looking forward to a holiday in the sun or is your daughter to do the babysitting while she goes out clubbing?

It’s fine. My DD flew alone to Bangladesh at 14. She will be with an adult and young child. Let her go.

Why can't you go?
I'd be nervous about it tbh. All the people telling you to let her go would be falling over themselves to tell you how irresponsible it was if something goes wrong.

Of course she wants to fuck off at 10:30pm and return at 8am.

Those are prime vampire hours... how else do you think she's made it to the grand age of 243yo?

How responsible is the adult? OP clearly does NOT trust her.