My daughter wants to go abroad without me

[Protectivemama]

My daughter will be finishing secondary school next year and will have just turned 16. She wants to go on holiday after she leaves to go to Benidorm with her cousin, aged 23, who's offered to pay for the entire thing and will be taking her 2 yr old. My daughter has never been abroad before and neither me or her dad will be in the position to go. It's not that I don't want her to have such a wonderful opportunity but I think she is still far too young and not mature enough to be travelling abroad without parents so I've said no. For context, me and dad have been separated for many years and I hardly know the cousin(his side of the family) anymore but my daughter is very close to her. My daughter's safety is the most important thing in the world to me so when I think of all the things that could go wrong it reinforces this belief but AIBU??

Let her go, please don't spoil it for her, she will resent you.
You have a time to find out how this is going to work out.

Perhaps to have some help with the toddler, a chance to go out herself.

My son and his girlfriend travelled South East Asia for a few months at 17. They made the most amazing memories.

Its hard but you need to cut the apron strings at some point.

She's 16. How are you planning on stopping her if she says she's going? In Scotland 16 year olds can get married without their parents permission

Will you or dad need to provide consent form as 16yo not travelling with close family?

Sixteen and never been abroad ???? Why have you not brought her abroad?

Well, she'll drink alcohol and probably have sex, so if you're ok with that? And yeah, of course she will, her cousin is not her mum and won't want to be uncool and stop her from partying.

Christ, this comment reeks of entitlement and over privilege.

The ones saying YABU fail to note that you hardly know this 23yo woman. It is one thing for your ex husband to know his niece, I presume niece as she is your daughter's cousin, but you don't have any idea of what she is like now. Your daughter is 16 and still a minor so of course you worry. You aren't being unreasonable to say no due to having no knowledge of the personality, behaviour etc of this 23yo. I think YABU to say sixteen is too young to go abroad without parents. I went on a school trip to Germany at 13 with teachers obviously. We even had a few hours 2x paired in groups to go around the town centre and at a small theme park and we were ok. Can you not neet this cousin for coffee and have a chat? I think some replies have voiced sensible concerns that is this cousin looking for a babysitter whilst she goes out. You would not want your 16yo daughter left caring for a toddler on her own abroad incase he fell ill or heaven forbid any accident. It would be a nice thing for your daughter to go abroad, but you should meet the young woman to see who she is first and her maturity, integrity if you let your 16yo go with her to Benidorm.

You are being ludicrous. She’s 16. Plenty old and mature enough to go abroad with another adult. If she isn’t then you’ve done something very wrong.

TBF this is why I paid for my nephew to come with me to SE Asia - he'd never been anywhere but the UK and his home country (in the EU). But I would never judge my sister for not being able to afford that, just wanted him to have that experience. I travelled around a LOT with my parents as a kid and wanted him to have a similar experience. It seems to have worked as he's off to university in a completely different country in Sept! Sounds like OP's DD's cousin wants to do the same for her

As she's still a child and not 18, and also not travelling with a parent, she will need a letter of consent from you (both parents actually, otherwise showing official documentation as to why she only has one parent)

Airports often ask for this when a child is not travelling with both parents, and want to know why, especially if they have different surnames. Too risky to travel abroad without. So if you're not willing to provide that, she could come across issues.

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

I'm glad he got that experience, but for someone (the woman I quoted not you) to act performatively shocked that at 16 year old has never been abroad, triple question marks, is a bit vomit inducing and a clear mark of over entitlement.

There are millions and millions of people who don't get to travel abroad, it's dreadful that anybody would try to shame anyone for that or pretend it's abnormal in any way not to holiday abroad.

Don't be a smother.

Oh don't get me wrong, I'm agreeing with you! I just went off on a bit of a tangent as I've been accused of patronising my dsis before for taking her son on holiday cos she couldn't afford it. Sorry, I should have directed my answer to the post you answered not you, my bad!

she is still far too young and not mature enough to be travelling abroad without parents

She will be going with an adult family member who IS a parent, just not her parent.

For families who travel abroad regularly, 16 is the age where most teens want to stop going abroad with their parents.

Also, lots of children from age 11/12 go on school trips abroad, without their parents.

No, I understood your point, should have made that clearer. Glad he got that epxerience.

So you dont think the young woman she is going with picked Benidorm to party hearty? There are lots of lovely spots to visit in Spain, Benidorm is known for being party central, cheap drink, no strings sex, and that is why a lot of people go there, particularly single people.

I think she may be hoping for a baby sitter, or wants a drinking and party companion.

It can't be compared to a school trip.

If OP is good with that, fine. If not she should chat to the cousin about her reason for inviting her daughter.

So you dont think the young woman she is going with picked Benidorm to party hearty?

No, I’ve not got a scooby. We can all speculate.

The cousin could well fancy roaming the streets of Benidorm alone to “party hearty” and leave her 2yo and cousin alone in the hotel room.

Or the cousin could well have just found a decent deal. Or she knows the area well and likes it there. She may feel sorry for the girl having never been abroad and want to treat her.

Yes Benidorm is a typical party “Brits boozing abroad” spot, but it’s also good for families and kids. I went to Benidorm many times as a young child in the 2000’s with my parents.

Ok, but I tend to go with the "most obvious answer is usually correct". She's not going as a family either, which is why I said single.

She's a young single woman going with a younger single woman to Benidorm, it's not a school trip or a trip with husbands and partners. I am assuming that she is going to drink and party, because that's a reasonable assumption and though certainly people do go to Bendidorm for sand sea and sunshine only, it is best known for stag nights, hen do's and partying in general.

I think if the OP is worried about that she should talk to the young woman, and if not then fine. I wouldn't have been keen on my 16 year old daughter going to party central in Spain, a bit young for me.

But to each their own.

She may also want a drinking partner and either be willing to leave the child home alone - some do - or have looked into babysitters so she and the cousin could go out partying.

Or maybe not any of this. The point is though that the OP should definitely ask some questions if she is not ok with either her 16 year old being a babysitter for a toddler in a foreign country or her 16 year old partying with her cousin in party central, Spain.

WTF.

Exactly this!

I'd want to check out and meet the cousin before I sent her off to enjoy herself.

The cousin MAY be highly manipulative, on think... 'right party time, little cousin won't mind babysitting from 9pm to 8am while I'm out partying!'

The thing I immediately thought of is the possibility of the cousin being involved with drug dealers and being tasked with taking an extra person on the drugs run, for whatever reason. Extra suitcase, or disarming customs people … So I would want to check the source of the cousin’s funding for the holiday. (Could obviously be ordinary earned income, but …)

If it’s definitely not that - the worst that’s likely to happen is that the 16 year old finds herself alone with a small child every evening.

The best interpretation is just that the cousin wants some company on a cheap holiday.

But Benidorm (at least within the confines of a resort) isn’t exactly ‘abroad’. I’d hope you’ll encourage your daughter to earn some money post exams, so she can embark on some proper travel - maybe with friends.

Benidorm is very very definitely 100 percent and inarguably abroad. Abroad just literally means in a foreign country.