To think most people in long-term relationships are just emotionally flatlining together?

[TicklishSloth]

Half the couples I know look more like co-managers than partners.

How do the other half look?

Firstly, you know nothing about the private lives and emotions of most people. Secondly, most people don’t want to live on an emotional rollercoaster.

Happily not it’s…33 years here.

Feeling a bit miserable beeing single?

Uh… no? Or I am in the other half? Sex this morning followed by a nice walk and lunch out together after 35 years together.

Same

Yes, but I would think that. I'm married.

The other half? Honestly, it varies. Some still seem genuinely connected - like they want to be around each other, not just coordinating logistics. There’s affection, shared curiosity, maybe even playfulness. But they’re definitely the minority. Most long-term couples I see look like housemates with a rota.

Good lord no. 23 years together, married for 20 years next year and I absolutely adore my husband. We cuddle every single day, we talk, our sex life is great. I love spending time with him.

if that includes you, sorry but you are in the wrong relationship

If you are judging others, you are bitter you are single

Nope, just observing patterns. Being single isn’t miserable when you’re intentional about it. I’d rather be solo than emotionally sidelined in a partnership.

Most long-term couples I see look like housemates with a rota.

where are these people? That doesn't apply to any of my parents, parents friends or my friends.

I would say that's a bit cynical and a massive generalisation. Long term relationships will be goong through ups and downs dictwted by life.events and big.chanhes which will test a relationship. Flatlining doesn't spring to mind really.

I feel like that a lot. Once the kids move out for good I don't know where we'll be. Maybe a few of the older people might remember the John and Norma Major Spitting Image sketches where they are all in grey all they have to talk about is peas...

31... but same here.
I suppose it depends on your definition of a partnership.
Co-managers is an odd definition, unless we are in charge of a successful FTSE 100!

This is not something I’ve experienced with me or my friends. Are you sure they’re not just moaning to let off a bit of steam?

Glad to hear it’s still sizzling after 35 years! I’m just saying… not everyone’s brunch comes after a shag.

Married for 7 years now. Clearly the dynamic of every relationship are different but my feeling is that 'marriage needs work to maintain' is accurate.

That's not a judgement on attraction but a simple take on reality, life does get more complex as families and responsibilities grow. But, as with many things in life, the more you put into it, the more you get out of it.

I’m single and have been for a long time.
my friends who are still married are in wonderful relationships - really inspirational and I love spending time with them.
All the flatlining those ones - were all binned in our forties x

It's not for me as I was married for quite a long time and now enjoy my situationship, with my own space. Then again, I don't judge other people's relationships.

Agree. I don't think love lasts, honestly.

(Yes I just ghosted by someone I liked, why do you ask?)

I don't think you can judge from the outside. However, probably you are right for a lot of people. But then if you want kids what's the alternative? The drama of finding new partners , blending families or having to be a solo parent is a lot less appealing than 'flat lining' for many. I don't think single people or people who only have short term relationships are any happier on average, its just different issues. Indeed, I see some people who are obviously looking for perfection or constant romance / excitement go through a lot of heartbreak because what they are looking for isn't very realistic long term.

Also I think there are probably times it's like that and times it's not, eg some people seem more connected as a couple once the kids have grown up, because there is less to 'manage' and more time for each other.

Totally fair, I’m sure it depends a lot on the circles you’re in. I’m not claiming it’s universal, just that it’s a pattern I’ve noticed more and more in my own surroundings. Maybe it’s a generational thing or maybe I just know a lot of people who are quietly stuck. But when I see couples who still have warmth and curiosity toward each other, it really stands out because it’s not the norm in the spaces I’m in.

Possibly! I’m sure some of it is just letting off steam - we all need a place to vent sometimes. But over time, I’ve noticed a real shift in tone. It’s not just the odd complaint here and there, it’s more like a quiet resignation or emotional drift. The routines are still running but the spark seems long gone. I’m not saying it’s everyone, clearly that’s not your experience, but it’s definitely a recurring vibe in my own circles.

Do your observations also come from seeing couples sitting having a meal and while they are in between courses, they aren't talking to each other? I've noticed that scenario in pubs, quite often.