To ask for some support? DP disappeared and worried about an accident

[Ubadl]

DP does a weekly 4-5 hour drive each Friday and Sunday as he’s currently on a placement several hours away. He stayed a bit late last night as he wanted to chat to DS as he went to bed and then he set off at 9pm.

His battery had died before he left and he said he may not be able to charge in the car because of a dodgy connection. However he has work at 8am and is usually absolutely obsessed with being on time for work and I’ve not heard a thing. He always messages when he’s at hotel.

ive been googling accidents and having dark thoughts and just looking for a hand hold. Surely by now he’d have battery?!

The hotel wouldn't give any information - they have no way of verifying who you are over the phone.

I used to call my partner’s hotel rooms. I would just call the hotel and ask to be put through to X’s room. If he hadn’t checked in, surely they’d say no?

I would fully expect he forgot his phone charger or something.

Considering he was supposed to be in touch last night, I don’t think it’s remotely dramatic to check his wardrobe and call the police.

yeah thats why I edited, I missed that update while scrolling then re-reaf

There’s a wonderful irony there.

The problem is that OP is not his family. They’re not married and she’s not his NOK so they would have no reason to contact her.

I think the most likely thing is that he got there at 1am exhausted, went to bed with his phone on charge, it didn’t charge because of the technical issue, he was late for work and stressed and needs to get on with that until lunch time. It wouldn’t occur to me to email my partner if my phone wasn’t working for a few hours but that’s just me. What kind of work does he do?

i am sure the police know the ins and outs of people not updating their official NOK.
he will be ok op

Even though he is a contractor, hopefully someone on site would report to his employer that he hadn’t turned up for work after nearly three hours, if that was the case.

I worked for a big hotel chain in the 90s and they use to do that, potentially times have changed.

So, OP, if you are not family, and not NOK, is there someone else who would be contacted in case of emergency? Could you speak with them to see if they have been contacted by anyone?

It's been 12 hours, so I totally get why you're worried sick. I think I'd ring back his firm and tell them that because 12 hours have passed, you're going to contact the police and wanted to give them a heads up first, because police may need to contact them. If the firm does know where he is, I bet you they'll let you know asap.

Could you call the company?

Can you contact him at work?
If it had been dh, I’d have rung reception and asked to speak to him. But he is working in a factory. If he is working in a hospital, it’s a different matter….

Have you emailed his work email?

The most likely scenario is that the phone won't charge at all so he has no access to it and therefore maybe no access to his personal email. My DH got a new phone number fairly recently and I don't know it off the top of my head, so if my phone had no charge, I wouldn't know the number to call him. Maybe it's the same type of thing here.

Yes...things have definitely changed since the 90s.

Yes, this is a really good idea OP.

@AdoraBell xpost.. obviously we’re on the same lines there

I don't know why people don't buy a cheap pay as you go "burner" phone as a back up. I have a smart phone but currently have a couple of PAYG basic mobiles and I always take two phones out with me.

You can buy them for under £30. With Tesco Mobile PAYG, you can ask to be put on the "Lite" option and you don't need to buy a bundle of data every month. I stick a £10 voucher on mine and as long as you make one call at least every 6 months, the balance rolls over to the next 6 months.

I don’t know any adult who has a phone that can’t charge, can’t get signal etc etc, not sure how anyone can function like that?? Most likely to be thoughtlessness than anything else, aggravating!

Look I’m not trying to make an upset woman more upset but could he potentially be with another woman? Wouldn’t be a particularly positive outcome but better than him having had an accident…. Either way I hope you get answers soon OP.

Are you listed as his next of kin at the GP or hospital OP? Even being not married they'd call whoever is listed.
Who is listed if it's not you? Have you contacted any of his close friends/family to see if they have heard anything from anyone?

You know your DP, you know how he would think and you need to trust your gut.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must be terrifying.

Have you tried calling hospitals to rule out an admission? Or would that be a breach of data protection these days? I did this when my ex was very late home (car lights had failed and he decided to crawl home without lights, didn't have his phone on).

Yes, especially as he's making long journeys and the work place isn't straight forward. As I said upthread, when things have settled down, they need contingency plans.

If this is completely out of character call the police and ask them to do a welfare check . Nothing wrong with doing this . You can also call hospitals to see if he was involved in a accident . Hugs