To think there’s a real crisis in men being able to express how they truly feel about life and society?

[TheGentleSwan]

It feels like, in the West, men are struggling to be honest about their emotions, their frustrations, and how they view the world. Whether it’s societal pressure, fear of judgement, or just a lack of spaces to talk openly, it seems like many men keep things bottled up. AIBU to think this is a real issue?

Men today benefit from it, and that's why they don't do a damned thing about it, because they see equality as oppression.

I agree there is indeed a crisis, but not an inability to express how they feel about society. They are very vocal online, in pubs, in media, at home, at work, on top of buildings etc.

The crisis - Now that men are no longer primary providers, more is expected of them in relationships in terms of emotional intelligence, child-rearing, runninga home...

Unfortunately we are still raising them to be 'men' and because women can now do 'men' things to a large extent; women are rejecting the little men offer.
This has left men suffering from a real identity crisis and has made them bitter, more violent and generally angrier than ever.

I was saying to someone this weekend that men need a rehabilitation centre (run by other right-thinking men) where they can heal from the toxicity they're consuming online and elsewhere, learn emotional intelligence, anger management, building connections and an overall lesson in 'women are not your enemies'.

They didn’t create it, other men did. These men are as much a victim of toxic masculinity as anyone else

You’re right that’s it’s not women’s job to fix this and I agree that a lot of what’s framed as ‘men speaking out’ online is actually misogyny in disguise. But that’s part of the issue… many men don’t have the tools or environments to process their emotions in healthy ways, so what comes out is anger, projection or deflection.

That doesn’t excuse the behaviour but it does suggest something deeper is broken. The fact that some men react with vile takes doesn’t mean we should ignore the broader problem, it means we need more accountability and better models for emotional expression. And no, that’s not women’s burden to carry.

Men don’t benefit from it. Not all.

and you can parrot that phrase all you like.

this thread is horrible

And as long as you feel that way nothing will change.

I disagree. Women suffer the effects of toxic masculinity more than men do.

No you’re right that’s fair
it doesn’t mean all men are beneficiaries. Many are not

There is something in this... I work mostly with men. And actually, they do allude to the ups and downs in their professional lives to a sympathetic female listener. Sometimes too much! I'm a colleague, not your counselling service!

However, I remember giving a chat with a rather reserved colleague who just returned from paternity leave. When I asked how he was doing, the fact that his wife haemorrhaged, he watched liters of blood pour our, and that he thought she and the baby were going to die, came rolling out. I was clearly the first person he'd been able to talk to about it, and how he felt, as he'd had to support his partner after the birth and show the "happy new dad" face to the family. It made me think that new dads really don't get enough support.

That said, after returning to work after a miscarriage (I was actually still bleeding) another male colleague decided to express him sympathy by telling me in graphic detail about his wife's experiences. I really wasn't in the right state to deal with his trauma dumping and literally froze. Fortunately another colleague rescued me.

Make of these stories what you will...

Why " the West"? What's different about other men?

Yes, women are truly the ones at fault here 🤔

Are you a journo?

You don't think men today benefit from the patriarchy? 🤣

Oh dear.

Not all of them no

I just can’t get too worked up about this. I’ve known so many men, including ex partners who have had their issues. I’ve tried to get them to open up or give advice (after struggling with MH myself) and they nearly always just snap at me, take it out on me, tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about, start sulking or having full blown tantrums with things getting smashed about. Or they just shut down and push me away. And if ever so much as DARE to ask for support in return, that also usually gets a tantrum too.
My wonderful female friends (who also struggle with MH from time to time) would never react like this to me. They listen, are respectful, open up, don’t push me away. They are also very supportive in return.

I don’t know what the problem is but I’m sick of wasting my energy on trying to help. They don’t respect us enough to listen anyway.

I think it's important to discuss the lack of proactivity here. Why aren't men taking responsibility and seeing a therapist or starting clubs and charities?

I was reading the other day about a woman who set up a mentoring service for young boys because their dads had abandoned them.

Why aren't men teaching their sons how to express themselves? Many male criminals have been abandoned by their dads.

This is also true. Rich white straight men benefit from the patriarchy the most.

ds girlfriend has told me at school all they talk about is boys/men’s mental health

they never explore the issues girls and young women are facing

in 2025 the male population is still more important

I said the west because that’s the context I’m familiar with - where there’s often a strange tension between performative ‘man up’ culture and a lack of real emotional tools or community. I’m not saying men elsewhere don’t face struggles but the cultural dynamics around masculinity, mental health and emotional repression can play out differently across regions. So I focused on what I know. Would be interested if you think it’s different elsewhere?

Your attitude is certainly part of the problem. as are many of the attitudes shown on here by women.

But as I have said society is the problem.
Boys don't cry
Boys will be boys
Boys should be big and strong
Boys should be into sports
Boys should like cars
Boys shouldn't show emotion.

Look at how men at shown in films,
Or how they are shown on tv
Very few show men as normal people

and it goes on.

You can claim that these attitudes only come from men but they don't.
If you truly want equality/equity then everybody has to buy into it.
Not just the women but the men too.

Yeah, that’s what they are talking about… 🙄

Nope, just a regular poster who thinks about these things sometimes. Though if any journos want to quote me, I won’t say no 😅

There’s definitely a conversation to be had about accountability and the need for men to step up for each other, especially in terms of fatherhood and community-building. I guess part of the issue is that men often don’t grow up seeing that kind of emotional leadership modelled, so the cycle just continues unless someone actively breaks it. I don’t think it’s about excusing anyone, just trying to understand the layers so we can actually shift things.

Then this is a conversation for men to have with other men isn’t it? Because If it’s other men stopping them expressing their feelings then there your issue.

Why do you think it’s for women to solve? And you do think it’s a women’s problem or else why post this on a predominately female forum…

I think we hear quite enough from men. I've certainly been hearing what they think about society/women/themselves/any subject they care to consider, all my life. Loud. And. Clear.

Even that Netflix drama - Adolescence - we heard plenty from and about men, all the way through. Not so much about the murdered teenager though. I mean I know she was dead by the time the cameras rocked up, but still.

What I would like is for men to do a bit more listening, to women, and for boys to do a bit more listening, to girls.