DH has upset our eldest following their relationship break up

[HanTalks]

Our eldest DS has been in a relationship for the past two years, which ended suddenly this week. I am not overly clear on the details and am trying not to ask him too much at the moment.

DH never liked his girlfriend (not that our DS knew this), and found her hard work in terms of her being a bit quiet (possibly shy) and not someone who made a great deal of conversation when at ours for meals etc.

Anyway, at the dinner table last night DS was quiet and gave a blunt answer to a question I asked him about his day.

DH then said to him ‘cheer up son, you’ll be better off without the stuck up cow’ and suggested he goes out with his mates to find a ‘local tart’ to cheer him up.

DS walked off from the table and has refused to speak to DH since.

DH is refusing to apologise and said he needs tough love at his age now. I’ve told DH he was out of order and should have been more sensitive especially given we don’t know the full circumstances.

AIBU for disagreeing with my DH here?

Those are awful comments; especially perhaps the one about the 'local tart'. And in front of his teenage daughter, no less!

It sounds as though your dh's attitude may have contributed to the break-up in the first place. And if he doesn't shape up, he'll be the FIL from hell in a decade or so, and probably his children and grandchildren will avoid him as much as they can.

18 is still kind of a child. Or at least in an in-between space. I think you need to talk to your husband about how inappropriate this was if you can.

Your husband is disgusting. I’d be horrified if he spoke to my teenager like that.

Yeah I’m more concerned about you and the fact you don’t seem to really understand what kind of man you married. Your kids seem to know though!

I hope your dh isn’t sharing your bed tonight after suggesting his son find a local tart. The floor would be too good for him after that comment

As others have said "stuck up cow", "local tart", refusing to apologise, and all because he's 'old school', notwithstanding that he has no respect for someone who is quiet and might be shy.

Where to start op.

Do you know why they split up?< Whilst they are far too young, perhaps she saw no future with your son because she didn't want to be involved with someone with a pig ignorant, misogynistic father!

You say your ds is 18. I hope very much the break up isn't in the middle of A'Levels.

Your DH sounds like a piece of work. Why do you stay with him? He sounds like he's about 75 and wears a pork pie hat but I bet he isn't. I bet he's mid 40s, has a tattoo, a shaved head, doesn't read much and voted Reform for all the wrong reasons.

Do forgive me, how very judgemental. Just like your DH actually - not nice is it.

FWIW my DH is 'old school'. Traditional, can be a bit serious, never offends, kind, moral, hard working. Your DH would undoubtedly think him too quiet and a bit stuck up.

I say it very rarely @HanTalks but, honestly, leave the bastard.

I'd ask DH to leave if he used language like that. He's a misogynist.

Old school insensitivity would probably be something like 'plenty of other fish in the sea'. Not misogynistic references to 'stuck up cows' and 'local tarts'. His attitude to women is very concerning.

I'd tell him to fuck off back to the 1970's. In front of DD so she knows it's not acceptable.

If he didn't like it, id tell him to "just get over it".

Personally, I find YABVVU for only "disagreeing" with the way your NAADH talked.
I would gag if I had to kiss a mouth that would say those disgusting words.😬💩

DS has told me that DH has spoken to him separately and they’ve smoothed things over so he’s comfortable joining us for the usual family dinner again tonight.

DH hasn’t apologised but in his words has told DS that this will be character building for him in the long run and that he only wants what is best for him.

Op that’s terrible can he hear himself?

So sad.

Your son has been conditioned to accept that he is wrong is being upset, and his father is right and "building his character" by being vile

This thread just gets worse. Behaving appallingly and calling it character building is so wrong on so many levels. Your poor son- he sounds the more mature one. Your husband sounds a vindictive arse to be honest who doesn't ever think he is wrong. I hope you are defending your son from this vitriol.