DH has upset our eldest following their relationship break up

[HanTalks]

Our eldest DS has been in a relationship for the past two years, which ended suddenly this week. I am not overly clear on the details and am trying not to ask him too much at the moment.

DH never liked his girlfriend (not that our DS knew this), and found her hard work in terms of her being a bit quiet (possibly shy) and not someone who made a great deal of conversation when at ours for meals etc.

Anyway, at the dinner table last night DS was quiet and gave a blunt answer to a question I asked him about his day.

DH then said to him ‘cheer up son, you’ll be better off without the stuck up cow’ and suggested he goes out with his mates to find a ‘local tart’ to cheer him up.

DS walked off from the table and has refused to speak to DH since.

DH is refusing to apologise and said he needs tough love at his age now. I’ve told DH he was out of order and should have been more sensitive especially given we don’t know the full circumstances.

AIBU for disagreeing with my DH here?

My usual question really...what does your husband bring to the party? because its deffo not emotional intelligence.

Jesus. I'm sorry to hear that your husband is a misogynist pig.

It sounds possible that your DS is growing up with better manners, thank goodness.

Let's hope your DD somehow manages not to internalise that this is an acceptable way for men to talk about women (including her) and accept this treatment herself. No doubt your DH would be outraged at the very thought and completely fail to realise his contribution to her low self-esteem.

Uuughhh your husband sounds like an arsehole 😡 don't blame your DS for not wanting to speak to him, if I were you I'd be pretty disgusted with him.

So I read your opening post and immediately voted that your D(ickhead)H is a twat and then I read this update and now I am fuming! You absolutely need to pull your H up over this and make it clear to eldest DS you don't agree with what has been said and that he has your support if he wants to talk. You also need to speak to your DD who witnessed this atrocious conversation and reassure her as well that her dad is an arsehole and was totally wrong in what he said

I feel sorry for your DD to have to hear a parent speak about women in that way

It's not tough love, it's misogynistic af! Your DH behaved like a prick and your son knows better, tbh. I'd be furious at DH, personally.

never in a month of Sundays, would my beloved dad have EVER described a
woman as a cow.

Im sorry have I woken up in the 1970s!?! Wtaf?? What man with an I’m guessing teenage son, talks this sort of utter bullshit in this day and age!? I’m actually agog! So unreasonable and just idiotic misogynistic crap!

I think I can guess why your sons ex didn't want to talk to him

Horrible to call her stuck up just because she was quiet
Horrible to want to use another human to cheer him up
Horrible (and stupid) to think that giving someone 'tough love' the week they break up with their gf will somehow help them get over it
Horrible to not even think about apologising when he realised that he'd upset your son knowing he had already had a difficult week

Oh, dear!!

So if you divorced this misogynist I take it you’d also be branded a stuck up cow and he’d be off to find a local tart to console his fragile little ego with then?

I voted YABU.

For being married to a man who speaks that way about women in front of your son.

"DH never liked his girlfriend (not that our DS knew this)"

Oh trust me your DS absolutely knew this.

What a disgusting excuse for a man.

Ugh, are you really OK with someone talking about women like this? - never mind in front of your children. He's disgusting.

Poor kid growing up in a house with that as a role model.

He’s broken up with his girlfriend and instead of getting support (or even just not talking about it) he gets the most idiotic response ever and he apparently needs ‘tough love’.
What a charmer your DH sounds.

Well I'd hate to see what he says when he intends to be offensive

DH then said to him ‘cheer up son, you’ll be better off without the stuck up cow’ and suggested he goes out with his mates to find a ‘local tart’ to cheer him up.

So fucking glad I'm single.

I wonder if this poor girl had the size of your husband, hence her tomb-like silence at family get togethers.

You husband is a vile misogynist.

That is the fucking problem.

Poor DS and even more, poor DD.

Have you only just discovered his views on women OP?

I'm sure it was as obvious as sky-writing to the girlfriend too.

Oh the absolute worst kind of British man. Thinks he’s Jack the lad and still the man, old now but never lost his disdain for women or his potty mouth. Thankfully your DS has a better attitude. I can imagine he’s had enough of his father for other reasons too if that’s an example of how he speaks. I just wonder how you all put up with him. And also why you started a thread, wonder what you thought people would say! have you OP put up with this so long you think this is what all men are like?

Your husband is a misogynistic arsehole

I cant imagine not liking someone because they are shy or quiet. They are hardly negative personality traits. The son probably likes more introverted people after having an opinionated Dad. I am sure the poor girl will of picked up on the father's beliefs as judging by what he said, I cant imagine he is sweetness and light the rest of the time. The poor girl has had a lucky escape.

Dads can be tactless w stuff like this (RE saying stupid cow if the girlfriend was genuinely cruel and horrible, my dad has said my exes are arseholes during breakups) but I couldn’t get over the tart comment. Probably his clumsy attempt at laddish humour but you need to tell your husband privately that it’s disrespectful and inappropriate.

Edit: I realise now she wasn’t an arsehole, I presume your husband is a. An arse or B. Can’t think of something bitchy to say RE her.

he sounds like Jay’s dad off inbetweeners talking about Chloe lol