DH has upset our eldest following their relationship break up

[HanTalks]

Our eldest DS has been in a relationship for the past two years, which ended suddenly this week. I am not overly clear on the details and am trying not to ask him too much at the moment.

DH never liked his girlfriend (not that our DS knew this), and found her hard work in terms of her being a bit quiet (possibly shy) and not someone who made a great deal of conversation when at ours for meals etc.

Anyway, at the dinner table last night DS was quiet and gave a blunt answer to a question I asked him about his day.

DH then said to him ‘cheer up son, you’ll be better off without the stuck up cow’ and suggested he goes out with his mates to find a ‘local tart’ to cheer him up.

DS walked off from the table and has refused to speak to DH since.

DH is refusing to apologise and said he needs tough love at his age now. I’ve told DH he was out of order and should have been more sensitive especially given we don’t know the full circumstances.

AIBU for disagreeing with my DH here?

I know. Poor daughter ☹️

Did you know you'd married a complete neanderthal?
Your poor DD having to listen to her father make his deep misogyny so clear

So many issues with DH. I can’t believe he found that appropriate to say to his son fresh from a breakup, can’t believe he found that appropriate to say in front of his wife and daughter, and can’t believe he found that appropriate to say at a dinner table.

Does he embarrass you or let you down in other ways as well? He sounds quite rough.

I like a good précis 👍🏻

Awesome. So now your daughter knows how her father feels about women in general and that he might also view her (or you) as a tart. How do you feel about that? And that's before you get to your son being upset.

You need to pull your arsehole of a DH up. Local tart? What's the definition (although we can all guess) and how does it differ from his own son going out to look for some easy sex?

Your poor daughter to have to listen to that.

Surprised 'soft arse' wasn't used along with the tart line. Sounds like Jim Royle is in the house. If someone said is your daughter the local tart what would his response be?

Quite.

My 80 year old FIL is a horrible misogynist. Today he said Epstein's child victims knew what they were doing.

He always gets short shrift from everyone except my MIL who believes it's because he's a 'strong man'. She thoroughly enables him.

At least he nearly off this mortal coil, aren't you concerned about him spouting this shit in front of your kids?

And you? You are after all one of the women he looks down upon.

Your DH sounds common as muck. I imagine the gf was quiet around him as she thought he had the iq of a donkey.

I can't believe this is a man with a daughter. What a awful thing to say on so many levels.
Shows how little he respects women with the stuck up cow and tart comments.
Did you say anything when he said this?terrible example to set your children

It's the old chestnut 'there's plenty more fish in the sea' comment, but rather cruder and even more insensitive. Given that neither of you know exactly what has happened and the reason behind the split, makes your husband's comment worse. Now your son is fully aware his Dad didn't like his girlfriend, which, if they were to get back together (a possibility, knowing how fickle young love can be) is going to be very awkward. Yes, your husband does need to apologise, what he said to your son was insensitive. Your husband may not have liked the girlfriend, but his son did and by being blasé, he's dismissing your son's feelings of being upset.

Well, I can see why your son's ex didn't want to talk to your DH. She's probably less quiet around people who aren't arses.

Your DH is a complete knob.
You should speak to your DS, stop pussyfooting round - take him out for a drive and have the conversation in the car - it worked wonders for these sorts of conversations with my DDs when they were younger.

Hmm.

On the face of it your husband was an arsehole. But….

If someone posts on here that they have broken up with a man, then it’s not unusual for posters to call that man a prick, twat, tosser, cunt an so on, and that’s seemingly considered to be ok.

it’s also not unusual for people to attempt to find bad points about someone who has just broken up with someone in order to attempt to make the other person feel better.

He went about it in an insensitive way, but that may have been his intention.

An he was entitled to not like her. I mean if she didn’t engage when she was round there then I’d say she was rude. And it certainly wouldn’t be behaviour that would be considered acceptable if it was someone’s DD’s boyfriend rather than girlfriend.

As for posters saying the son should never speak to him again, what a dramatic overreaction.

'Local tart'?

Wow, had your partner drunk too many glasses of wine? Seems like his true opinions about women are coming through.

stuck up cows ————————————————————- tarts

Where do you fit in on this continuum of femininity OP?

A very degrading, immature and disrespectful comment from your OH. Obviously your son has a respectful attitude to females regardless, can’t say the same about your OH. What a bloody caveman!

Well, exactly. Does your husband generally treat you and other women with respect, OP? Is this the kind of language he normally uses, or did he use it in a misguided attempt to sympathise with your son?

Throw him out.

Not the boy. The man who makes such disgusting remarks about women.

I did ask him what he meant - someone teetering around in heels wearing next to nothing in a night club was the description…

It was rude, insensitive and ill timed and unnecessary.

The 1970's called and want your H back

“Don’t be sad. Find another human you can use like a piece of meat just to make yourself feel better.”

Why are you not pissed at your husband for regarding women with absolutely no respect or dignity?

Fuck me, your husband is a vile cunt 🤮

Your poor children , having such a horrible father 🥺

He sounds worse and worse.