AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

No OP says her son was able to save because the fiance paid rent and utilities and she sees it as only his achievements because it's in his name. Even if she didn't contribute, they're getting married. It isn't like this is a gf and they're 22 so who knows what could happen. It's very much their home together regardless of who's name it's in.

If he’s got a mortgage on it then odds on she will end up paying towards their home in one way or another anyway.

I don’t think your post was unreasonable (though I’d be embarrassed if I were your son) you were wildly unreasonable to delete her comment.

Good grief, you’re laying the groundwork for your son to stop communicating with you, how petty that you couldn’t acknowledge their joint excitement, you sound like a bloody nightmare

Poor girl probably decided to comment in the first place as a way of interacting with FMIL and to show she was part of the family (which she will be in due course). Exactly what I and others I know have done on in law posts on SM....and you deleted it! And now it's a thing. So unnecessary. You should have just left it and if you really couldn't sit on it - share your thoughts with FDIL in person rather than embarrassing her on SM to your friends and family. People she wants to get to know as you FDIL!

No she was marking her territory, and wouldn't even allow his own mother to have a private mother-son moment on facebook without demanding she was included, too. It's very rude imo.

I think it's petty that his partner couldn't even allow mother and son to have a private moment without inserting herself into it. It was petty of the partner to insert herself and not let them have that moment.

Private mother-son moment on Facebook?! You know that social media isn't private right?!

I meant that she was addressing her son. There simply was no need for the partner to come stomping in and insert herself. Who does that? It's rude. And I completely understand how the OP feels, and I'm often the most anti-MIL person on here.

Posting something on FB is literally the absolute opposite of a private moment.

A private moment would be a phone call or a WhatsApp message.

A Facebook post is all about telling as many people as possible

No she wasn't addressing her son. She was posting to everyone in her social media account about her son. Completely different. This was not a direct message, call etc that FDIL interrupted

if you want to address your son, ring them. Otherwise people are going to comment things, unsurprisingly that also included the future daughter in law with a very normal comment.

In a few years time, when you're being kept at arm's length and you get to see your son and his family a couple of times a year in very tightly controlled visits from which they can easily escape, and you wonder to yourself why they don't spend time with you or tell you anything about their lives, remind yourself of this post and the way you behaved.

Oh yes. How rude to write "we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Absolutely terrible of her! 🙄
If she wants a private moment with her son then private message him. Not post on Facebook

The girl admitted she did that because she wanted to be included and to get the attention. It was a deliberate marking her territory act.

I just don't see why she couldn't leave OP's post alone without comment. Just let OP say that without intruding into it.

OP: Was I wrong to do so?
Everyone else: Yes!
OP: No I wasn’t!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Having looked at all the OPs comments i don't know why people like this ask AIBU as she clearly did not want to take on board any advice or realise that she was BU , despite 97% responses saying she was!

It is a tremendous achievement that your son has purchased a house as a result of his own hard work and you are rightly proud.

When his fiancée commented that she was excited about it being their marital home and the start of a new chapter together, you took this as her trying to muscle in on your son’s achievement. This may be true. She could just as equally have been expressing her excitement over this next step in their lives and wishing to have it acknowledged as their new home together. She may have felt overlooked in that respect by your original post.

It would have been wiser, having not mentioned her in the first instance, to leave her comments on your post there. They are her words, not yours. Deleting her comments is very unusual. At best, you have come across as overly protective; at worst, as vindictive.

You cannot control how the world perceives your son and his achievements ad infinitum. And you cannot afford to lose the good grace of your future daughter in law if this is who your son has chosen to spend his adult life with. Going about things this way, you risk alienating them both - and jeopardising your involvement with any future grandchildren.

If it is possible to edit the post, I would acknowledge you are proud of your son’s hard work in buying his first home, delighted that it will be the place where he and his future wife get to start this next chapter of their lives, and wish them all the best in making very many happy memories together in their new home. That, with a heartfelt apology, may salvage the situation.

Going forwards, you want to be careful of setting your future daughter in law apart from your son in the way that you intended to this time round - for your own sake and theirs. That only places you at more of a distance from him as his life as a husband and family man evolves from here. You will find yourself slowly shut off from them and they from you. That doesn’t have to happen if you work hard to adjust your perceptions from now.

This can’t be real. You’ve posted your son’s and DIL to be’s specific financial situation surrounding their house purchase to all your random Facebook friends and somehow she’s the one in the wrong?!

I've been lurking a while but finally signed up to say: this might be the maddest thing I've ever read on MN. Firstly there's the OP posting what they did ON FACEBOOK, for all the world to see, but then apparently being surprised when somebody very much invested in the subject matter of her post replies to it.

Secondly there's the OP's ability to find an insult in a bouquet of roses. I just can't see how what the DIL posted was doing anything other than echoing the OP's sentiments and generally being nice, but the OP has clearly taken it as a calculated slight for some bizarre reason.

Thirdly there's the notion that any of this matters. None of it is going to be inscribed on the wall of the Bodleian, it's just bloody Facebook. It's already digital landfill, so who gives a shit (though in fairness the DIL is guilty here too if she was upset about not being tagged).

Then there's the talk of how the DIL is supposedly 'marking her territory' and playing a devious game by, er...replying to a Facebook post, which is an utterly mad idea.

Lastly, but not leastly, there's the OP's utter pig-headed refusal to engage with the great majority of people who are setting out in clear terms why she is coming across as an unpleasant fruitcake and a bloody nightmare FMIL. It's just 'Oh how can it be unreasonable for a mother to get proud of her son' over and over. That's not unreasonable at all, it's just every other aspect of the whole thing that is.

But it's almost tremendously entertaining, so thanks. And hi!

You can delete comments made on your own posts if you are the original poster.

Something tells me you don't know how Facebook works.

Private moment? On a public Facebook page?! Have you even Facebooked before 😁

I've only used in since 2007, so I am pretty sure I do.

Private in the fact that it was OP addressing a post to her son, not including anyone else in her post. Is that clear enough to understand?