AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

This is so bananas. OP you were posting about how happy and excited you are that your son has achieved a dream. His fiancée chimed in agreeing with your post. You're both saying the same thing - how wonderful and exciting it is that the man they love (one as son, one as fiancé) have achieved something incredible.

Her being happy and excited about her future in the house, with him, doesn't in any way take away from your son's achievement. In fact, I'd argue it AMPLIFIES his achievement. To buy a house is one thing. To make the woman he loves happy and excited by dint of that purchase is an even bigger achievement! In fact the most important thing of all.

Omg posting something as crass as congratulating an immediate family member on a house purchase is bad enough, but what you've done OP it's another level. If you can't use SM like a grown up you should delete it all or eventually you are going to fall out with everyone you have ever known.

WOW this entire thing is insane OP but this update is the icing on the cake. Your son and his fiancée made the financial decision that she would pay the rent whilst he put money in savings and due to financial history it's his name on the house. That doesn't mean it is your son's sole achievement - her finances meant your son COULD save because she was paying the rent. She has financially contributed to buying the house just perhaps indirectly.

You need to take a step back and consider why it was so important to separate them in this. Your son is not a child and if you don't understand where you were wrong in this, I'd encourage you to get some counselling.

The tenancy agreement could have been in boys name but was girl actually making the payments from her earnings so DS could save all his money up. Even the OP doesn't deny that the FDIL contributed to household bills and rent.

I have a strong feeling the OP is going to wear a white dress and veil to the her sons wedding…

This.
And why is son getting OP involved by telling OP his financial business and that his fiancee has bad credit?

There seems to be a lack of boundaries in this family

Well that was just mean & spiteful of you. Grow up 🙄

I get you op, I really do. They’re going to be married & therefore, she’s entitled to half of everything. It’s a huge accomplishment for him & you should both be very proud but he should obviously wants to share it or he wouldn’t be engaged.

This is why I never married🤣

It might not.

Also, as I say, either she thinks her DS is this clever boy to be proud of or she thinks he's a sap who'll need mummy to bail him out at any moment. More likely he's a grown up who can manage his own relationship with some give and take as he (and his fiancee) are already proving. She's just trying to stay relevant in the worst way.

Wow, you’re nice!

They are an item and are both excited. He’s clearly happy that she’s joining him in this journey in the new house.
You obviously don’t like her and don’t think she should be living in this house with him.

I suggest you get over it before you ruin your relationship with your son aswell.

Hmmmm. I initially thought YABU but the more I thought about it, the more it seems like his fiance deliberately posted to make sure you knew your place, so to speak, and to mark her territory that it was her 'achievement' too. There was no need for her to comment, at all.

Having thought about it for longer than 30 seconds, I now get where you are coming from, OP. YANBU. She sounds like trouble, I'd be wary. And this is coming from someone who almost always takes the DILs side of a MIL.

Oh, I think they are! They are on here all the time.
Why can’t in-laws realise that when their daughter or son is in a relationship, that relationship is the most important one to them? All parents should take a back seat and let their offspring form their own lives, whether they approve or not.
In my experience, it is much better to let them choose who to marry, what house to buy, where to go on holiday etc. and only comment when asked for advice. The more you alienate your son by disliking his future wife, or anything he says he might do, the more unhappy your life will be. You need to withdraw your disapproving nose. Please don’t make him choose between you - you might not like the outcome!
In a nutshell, if they see you are NOT about to try to change their lives, the more likely you are to be included in it. They need to plan how and where they want to live and how much they want their family in their everyday lives. You have had your chance at marriage and bringing children up. Now afford that right to your son and his future wife.
It’s not about you any more (if it ever was).

I wouldn't even think of deleting the comment. I'd just be happy that they both seem happy. Doesn't really matter who's house it is they will be living together which is exciting for them. Unfortunately you are not going to have many people agreeing with your actions, just be happy he's happy.

Look if you are going to get so het up about an FB post, then I fear for your relationship with your DS and eventual DGC. Having read all your posts you seem to be deliberately seeking offence.

Perhaps DS perceives the impetus for his buying the house to be the loving and stable relationship with his fiancée and upcoming marriage, perhaps if he didn’t have her in his life he’d have frittered away his money on a fast car and holidays with his mates; perhaps he’d and been less focused at work and ambitious in securing his latest promotions. You are deliberately excluding her from his success when perhaps he feels his relationship with her is integral to it…

My DH feels everything he has achieved has been because I was there, supporting, encouraging (and giving him the occasional bollocking) through thick and thin career/life wise. When he bought our first flat his parents didn’t ram home that it was HIS (I wasn’t named on the deeds then either). They wouldn’t have dreamed of being so crass. And 33 years later, we are all very close. If you want that, you need to row back and apologise. Deleting her comment was, at best, rather petty and really rather despicable.

Is it that the DIL is trouble or does this stem from the op having form for acting in such a way as to make the fiancée feel pushed out? My instinct is the latter, personally, but of course, we’ve no way to really know!

Not sure which bit I think is worse, the original FB post or deleting the DILs comment. It’s stuff like this that ends up causing major friction and fallouts in families. For me, a fiance/ spouse / LT partner should be seen as an extension of your DC but the post and deleting of the comment is basically saying she’s insignificant. Something your son will resent because guess what, she’s not insignificant in his eyes.

She was absolutely right and saw your post for what it’s. Your son is a part of the couple now and your post has looked like he is not and she doesn’t matter at all. You had no idea what her contribution was. Your post was clumsy but by deleting her comment you made a really huge point which your son didn’t like either. So what did you achieve by your actions? Nothing. You spoiled enjoyment to your own son and his fiancé.

OP why are you posting anything about your son’s financial affairs on Facebook, incredibly odd and braggy. I would be mortified if my mother was keeping a running commentary on my life online as some sort of show and tell.

His achievements are his. They are no reflection on you, nor should you be posting his affairs bragging about what he’s ’achieved’. Also buying a house is fairly standard achievement for many, so I’m not sure it warrants the pomp and ceremony you are bestowing on it.

Your distain for his fiancée is clearly obvious from your little digs about her credit and deleting her comments. If I was her I can guarantee that little stunt would have repercussions that will last years when it comes to wedding involvement and grandchildren. To be honest it really comes across as you don’t like her because you are competing with her for attention from your son.

He’s going to marry her and he’s happy with the arrangement with regards her living with him.You really need to stay out of their business, stop living vicariously through him and his achievements for attention on Facebook. Get a hobbie. Work on you, seriously.

The way she’s going I have a strong feeling she won’t be invited 😂

@ThisFastEagle How did you delete a comment by someone else?
You can delete your own comments but not someone's reply to you. Only they can do that.

she was hurt I didn’t tag her as well bc this was a joint effort

So I was right. She replied on purpose to mark her territory, she would not allow you to do something as simply as congratulate your own son, from a mother, without intruding herself into it.

She really is very territorial and very smothering.

And if he paid for it 100% because of her bad credit, it's not a 'joint effort'. She did nothing, but order the (paid for by someone else) house to how she wanted it. She sounds like a nightmare, OP, I'm sorry.

Did you see the part where her Dil did actually financially contribute by paying rent and utilities whilst DS saved up? Op is living in dreamland

If someone is posting on your own status on your own facebook page, you can.

All OP says is that she paid rent, and utilities. I am presuming (unless OP comes on to correct me) that she paid her share, as she should. Couples pay 50-50 usually. So she did no more than pay her share. Yes, having a roommate (couple in this instance) to help pay the rent would allow him to save up quicker than if it were solely him in the accommodation, but that doesn't mean she was paying 100% and him 0%. If she has bad credit, I presume she was only paying her way, nothing else.

We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him.
why ‘we’ve’? Surely it’s they’ve. Perhaps you’re a bit overinvolved?