Page 32 | AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

ThisFastEagle · 2025-06-08T14:55:07+00:00

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

MrsPerfect12 · 08/06/2025 21:21

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 17:49

Really? Why delete the whole post?

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Because they now know how you feel about it and leaving it wipes out the apology. You really don’t get it do you?!

pinkdelight · 08/06/2025 21:22

Swedishmeatballsontoast · 08/06/2025 21:03

" Why has she got bad credit?"

That's what OP needs to know IMO

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Uh, that is none of OP's beeswax. Is her DS so dim he needs his mum to micromanage his financial affairs? If so, she shouldn't be so very proud of him.

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 08/06/2025 21:22

You’re going to lose your son. You are not the most important lady in his life anymore and he will pick her over you which is a position you’re setting up here. If he has daughters, you’ll rank even lower.

apologise. Add a new post with her and get over yourself. He has the right attitude but he obviously didn’t learn that from you.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 08/06/2025 21:23

Haven't read the whole thread, but OP, the first rule of being the mother of adult children is remember they're adult children, it's a bit like Fight Club.

If they come to you for advice or help, you give it. If they don't take it or seem grateful enough, you suck it up.

It's often by butting out you get invited in.

If I was your FDIL I'd be incredibly hurt and if I was your son I'd be livid.

Good luck with re-building those bridges - you're gonna need it.

PassingStranger · 08/06/2025 21:23

I should get off Facebook
It's pathetic and it it never existed,then you wouldn't be in this mess now.
Just talk to each other in real life.

If you want to be on good terms with your son, then you need to.be friendly to his gf/wife otherwise you will lose him.

Geez, do people really do silly things like this.

BrickRaven · 08/06/2025 21:25

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 16:20

Thank you! I made a post not about who is living there but mentioning the fact that my son who as a parent I have a right to be proud of him and tag individually as his mother this wasn’t his fiancé’s achievement. Yes I understand she may pay utilities and her paying rent in the apartment may have helped my son save up but at the end of the day it was my son’s credit and earnings that got him that house. By my FDIL commenting it read as, “hey I’m going to take away from this mother son moment of being proud to remind you hey I’m his fiancé don’t forget me.” But I’m getting piled on simply bc I’m a FMIL. And yes as his mother I’m entitled to have a word with my son about when I feel he isn’t getting the credit he deserves. I don’t want him to feel like this wasn’t his accomplishment. He is still an individual and maybe I’m a bit of an overprotective mother but again let’s reverse the roles and a daughter bought her own house and her mother congratulated her on FB and the FSIL said we are excited for our new home the mother would absolutely talk to her daughter and be like, “hey honey don’t let some man take credit for what you achieved.”

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Are you being serious?
You sound like the MIL from hell.
You have absolutely no idea what she contributes financially or indeed emotionally to the relationship. You have no idea what goes on.
Why can’t you just be happy for them?
Life is far too short for this. You should be looking to the future.
You will be cut off and then be on here whining why.

Lostcat · 08/06/2025 21:25

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 16:20

Thank you! I made a post not about who is living there but mentioning the fact that my son who as a parent I have a right to be proud of him and tag individually as his mother this wasn’t his fiancé’s achievement. Yes I understand she may pay utilities and her paying rent in the apartment may have helped my son save up but at the end of the day it was my son’s credit and earnings that got him that house. By my FDIL commenting it read as, “hey I’m going to take away from this mother son moment of being proud to remind you hey I’m his fiancé don’t forget me.” But I’m getting piled on simply bc I’m a FMIL. And yes as his mother I’m entitled to have a word with my son about when I feel he isn’t getting the credit he deserves. I don’t want him to feel like this wasn’t his accomplishment. He is still an individual and maybe I’m a bit of an overprotective mother but again let’s reverse the roles and a daughter bought her own house and her mother congratulated her on FB and the FSIL said we are excited for our new home the mother would absolutely talk to her daughter and be like, “hey honey don’t let some man take credit for what you achieved.”

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hey I’m going to take away from this mother son moment

But this wasn’t a mother son moment. This moment has nothing to do with you. He bought a home- for him and his fiancée. It’s their moment.

Truly the MIL that nightmares are made of..,

namechanged221 · 08/06/2025 21:26

Oh my god!

Mother in Law from hell incoming

ClairDeLaLune · 08/06/2025 21:26

Blimey OP that was really nasty. It IS her home too. Carry on this way and your precious son will be cutting contact with you, and I wouldn’t blame him.

Swedishmeatballsontoast · 08/06/2025 21:27

pinkdelight · 08/06/2025 21:22

Uh, that is none of OP's beeswax. Is her DS so dim he needs his mum to micromanage his financial affairs? If so, she shouldn't be so very proud of him.

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It might become her business if they get into financial difficulties and need bailing out.

A family member of mine (female) got into a shed-load of secret debt and it caused no end of problems for her husband.

Pistachiocake · 08/06/2025 21:27

nunsflipflop · 08/06/2025 21:06

My DD was gifted the deposit for their first home by my dad, when I posted the news that they were moving into their first home, I wished them all the love and luck for their new life in their new home. I included her, her partner and their daughter. I could have thanked my dad but it was no one else’s business but ours.

She might not be on the mortgage but I bet she will contribute financially to their home.

Remember a son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is yours for life. She is his choice, you will gain so much by apologising, even if you say you deleted her message by accident. You are at great risk of driving a wedge between you and the son you are so proud of.

My DIL paid me the biggest compliment by writing that I had always made her feel loved, valued and welcome. I treat her and my son in law like my own children, celebrate their victories and commiserate for their losses.

With the number of daughters going non-contact with mum these days (I'd not even heard of mothers and daughters being enmeshed until a few years ago), I'm not sure that old statement is true anymore, but what is true is that we should all try to treat our child's/partner's family with love and respect-it's not fair for a man or a woman to be caught between 2 people they love. I'd never have married anyone who didn't get on well with my parents, or want to be part of the family, and I'd always love and value the person who gave birth to and brought up the man I loved.

surreygirl1987 · 08/06/2025 21:27

Wtf?! What's wrong with you?? If you want to ruin your relationship between you and your son, being nasty to his wife-to-be is the perfect way of doing it. Good luck - you (and the fiance) are going to need it. This is all going to end in tears (I suspect yours).

surreygirl1987 · 08/06/2025 21:28

namechanged221 · 08/06/2025 21:26

Oh my god!

Mother in Law from hell incoming

This! What a nasty cow!

DepositSaverUpper · 08/06/2025 21:30

Wow very PA.
You say fiancee . So when they're married unless a prenuptial has been done .it'll be half hers anyway.

JennyBG · 08/06/2025 21:31

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 18:35

My FDIL is upset and hurt I didn’t tag her when she is his future wife. Maybe I should go back on my post and add her

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Too little too late!! No amount of backpedaling is going to mend this.

BonfireToffee · 08/06/2025 21:31

Absolutely vile behaviour, OP. You’re proud of your son, she’s proud of her fiancé. You sound like one of those creepily over-attached mothers-of-sons — deleting his fiancé from the post, FFS! Pathetic.

ClairDeLaLune · 08/06/2025 21:33

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 16:20

Thank you! I made a post not about who is living there but mentioning the fact that my son who as a parent I have a right to be proud of him and tag individually as his mother this wasn’t his fiancé’s achievement. Yes I understand she may pay utilities and her paying rent in the apartment may have helped my son save up but at the end of the day it was my son’s credit and earnings that got him that house. By my FDIL commenting it read as, “hey I’m going to take away from this mother son moment of being proud to remind you hey I’m his fiancé don’t forget me.” But I’m getting piled on simply bc I’m a FMIL. And yes as his mother I’m entitled to have a word with my son about when I feel he isn’t getting the credit he deserves. I don’t want him to feel like this wasn’t his accomplishment. He is still an individual and maybe I’m a bit of an overprotective mother but again let’s reverse the roles and a daughter bought her own house and her mother congratulated her on FB and the FSIL said we are excited for our new home the mother would absolutely talk to her daughter and be like, “hey honey don’t let some man take credit for what you achieved.”

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This is batshit! It’s not a mother son moment, it’s a moment where he’s setting up home with his future wife. You’re not being piled on because you’re a FMIL, you’re being piled on because you were totally unreasonable, spiteful and petty to want to take away that happy moment from her. Good that you apologised in the end though. Think on for the future!

Letsbe · 08/06/2025 21:33

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 19:40

Yes that’s how I took her comment as a passive aggressive remark of hello I’m his fiancé and you forgot to tag me. I did apologize to my FDIL for deleting her comment and she said it wasn’t just that I deleted her comment but that I didn't tag her in the first place as she should by her fiancé’s side through the whole process and will be supporting them as a family unit together in her own way and she paid rent in the apartment to help my son save up to buy the house and they are a unit one. I apologized and have since added her to the post. I see her point but deep down I’m like but it was my son whose name is on the house bc of his money but I’m learning it’s best to keep my mouth shut and acknowledge them as a unit bc that’s why my son and FDIL expressed.

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Its good you are learning to be more discrete. You obviously love your son deeply and are very proud of him. If you are not more tactful in future you may risk losing him.

ZippyBrick · 08/06/2025 21:34

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 16:01

Maybe so but my congratulations was about the purchase of the home which was my son’s doing.and it’s a premarital asset

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Once they get married, it becomes a shared asset, regardless of when it was bought.

I think the issue here is you posted looking for people to congratulate you on how well you raised your son and when it wasn't all about you, a wobbly was thrown.

I'd worry that you'll end up alienating them both at some point over the coming years, and maybe look at changing your behaviour/attitude towards her before that happens.

Stanley1409 · 08/06/2025 21:34

I agree with pp. nothing good comes out of posting on social media. You could have just told your son you were proud and told your friends when you saw them. I understand why you didn’t tag DIL and although I agree with you and see where your coming from it looks petty and also highlights something wrong on your DIL side. Her finances and credit should be her private business. Deleting her comment was a huge mistake. I can see you have added her to the post now but I think your card will likely be marked now by her.

dontignoreauti · 08/06/2025 21:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

YouCantArgueWithStupid2025 · 08/06/2025 21:35

Why does everything have to be so public? Why couldn't you call him or send a text or note saying how proud you are of him? 🤷‍♀️

Rainbowx · 08/06/2025 21:38

Have you posted before ? I've read this whole thread word 4 word a while back....I've either lost the plot or same thing had happened before!!! Or something fishy with MN anyway I hope all sorted.

BonfireToffee · 08/06/2025 21:38

YouCantArgueWithStupid2025 · 08/06/2025 21:35

Why does everything have to be so public? Why couldn't you call him or send a text or note saying how proud you are of him? 🤷‍♀️

Ironically she wants her son’s achievement to reflect well on her. But doesn’t want her FDIL to do the same 🤷‍♀️

mossymud · 08/06/2025 21:38

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 16:03

If a woman purchased her own home and said woman’s mother posted on FB congratulating her and her daughter’s male fiance commented saying he was excited about their new home everyone would said wait a second the man is evil for taking credit for the woman’s work

Why does saying they’re excited for the next chapter have to mean they’re taking credit for it? It doesn’t at all, and most people wouldn’t see it as that. You were nasty for deleting her comment and I feel for your son and his future wife.