AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

My Goodness, one would think this was the only male child in the world to buy his first home.

and would you have deleted your son's fiancée comment too? I suspect not.

To me it sounds like OP already had an issue with fiancée, whether it was related to the mortgage and house or not, and worded the post intentionally omitting her - & fiancee knows this and has responded in kind,
All silly and unnecessary.

I hope you don’t want to make Facebook announcement when they have a baby….After all, she will have been the one to get pregnant, grown the baby and birthed it. Your son won’t really have contributed much so it’s her accomplishment.
Not a joint one, following your logic.

Exactly paying 100% of the rent would mean he wouldn’t have been able to save. Her paying 50% rent means he had that 50% to save.

And that’s if she was only paying 50%. If he had been living alone paying all his bills and rent he wouldn’t be buying yet he would still be trying to save.

Your best hope is to lean into a position of suffering 'senile moments'. Let people think you're losing it slightly and missed her off the post by accident. That's still a better look than just being a nasty cowbag.

Omg OP you sound like an absolute horror and come across as a right sanctimonious cow.
Sometimes life isn't about being "right" it is about maintaining good relationships. Think very carefully before you pitch yourself against your future DIL going forward as your son will quite rightly never choose you over her.

Yes, everyone who views OP’s comments on Facebook will realise her true feelings towards her sons fiancé. It was a nasty jealous thing to do, but OP still cannot grasp it in-spite of 97% of MN posts stating she is being unreasonable.

I'm amazed anyone is on the OP's side. If my future MIL deleted a (frankly harmless) comment I left on her Facebook page, I'd feel upset and humiliated. I don't think I'd want anything more to do with someone who treated me like that.

I think it was weird you even posted it. I would have been embarrassed if my mum did that!

you were unkind to the fiancé. She’s just excited.

please take a loook at your behaviour before you cause a family rift

This makes no sense. Unless you mean - “I want the world to know that I have done an amazing job as a mother because my son was able to save for a house because his girlfriend paid her share of the rent enabling him to save more to do so.”

Your whole ‘mother/son bonding’ thing is so beyond weird.

Oh dear OP just can’t seem to hear the noise. Your DS would not have been able to buy the house so soon if his fiancée wasn’t paying towards the rent and no doubt some food/bills contributions too. She’s not on the mortgage because of bad credit but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t contributed towards the deposit and will no doubt continue to contribute towards mortgage/house expenses etc. in their new home. OP keeps saying she may have helped with bills and she may have helped with rent but also that the fiancée in fact did contribute financially to rent etc.
Also perhaps his fiancée has been an encouraging and motivational presence in his life that has supported him to save and prioritise to purchase this house.
So your DS didn’t accomplish this completely solo did he?

Completely agree with this. Very unkind and unnecessary.
You will have soured your future relationship with your son and his future family.
I would blame it on a FB glitch and ask her to repost.

I think you were nasty to do that.

@ThisFastEagle

This wasn’t a private conversation. You posted publicly on his Facebook page shared with probably several hundred people. It’s entirely designed for other people to comment and reply.

If you wanted to create a sacrosanct mother-son moment you shouldn’t have posted it on Facebook.

Also as it clearly needs repeating, her comment wasn’t remotely taking credit, she was just expressing her excitement and probably trying to make a connection with you - a mistake I’m sure she won’t bother repeating.

What credit is she taking? She only said she's excited and looking forward to the next chapter.
Is this the level of pettiness your sons partner has to come?

I have no problem with the initial FB post although it is totally different to your example where the single son poses for a picture so probably knew his mum might post it somewhere.

I do see a mssive problem with her deleting the FDIL's posts which didn't even suggest she was a co-owner but simply excited about a new home and next phase of life. And then I have a problem she didn't apologise direct to the FDIL rather just whined to her son and when he told her she was out of order she has doubled down. I have a problem that she still insists she hadn't done anything wrong at all and it's not on her that her son is now upset and am simply incredulous she doesn't see why.

So she has actually contributed to your son's 'achievement' then? In this post you say that he will have been able to save more due to her paying rent in the apartment (I assume their previous home) therefore by them splitting the bills your son was benefitting by being able to save more than he would have if he had been living alone 🤷

I think you were quite spiteful in tagging only your son and agree with the posters who say it wasn't in acknowledgement of your son but rather you wanted to show off to your friends. A much nicer way would have been to have tagged both of them and wish them all the best in their new home and privately if your friends ask (which I doubt they would have) told them in person that your son had saved to be able to buy it.

Lol OP you are the type of MIL that causes the stereotype. They are getting married and she was paying rent in their previous apartment as without that, he wouldn’t have been able to save, so that isn’t doing it completely alone is it. Him being the only one on the mortgage because she had credit issues doesn’t mean he’s the only one going to be paying it does it? Posting about it on social media at all is weird, not tagging her was bitchy and deleting her comment was straight up horrible.

Why are you being a bitch?

Thing is your FDIL wasn't taking credit away from your son, she was just joining in the happy moment. Probably because she has realised you need reminding as you are that kind of FMIL. I think you need to get used to your son not being "yours" solely. I suspect if/when they have children and if FDIL works part-time or is a SAHM you will belittle her contributions and harp on about how amazing your son is for being the provider. Gosh I can just imagine you turning up to visit them after the birth of a grandchild and taking over but completely ignoring your FDIL accomplishment and telling her to crack on with it. people I know make such posts and say something like congratulations <tag son> wishing you and <tag FDIL> a wonderful happy life in your new home. I'm guessing that's how to maintain a good family relationship.

Well then, you’ve set your stall out.

But this attitude will impact your relationship going forwards.

Nobody will see the accomplishment, just the fact they are moving in together. You could have praised him privately. No need for Facebook and deleting her message. How is she going to feel about you going forwards? It’s not going to be easy now that you have been hurtful towards her.

I can already imagine your thread in a few years- what can I do my son doesn’t contact me, I don’t see my grandchildren and it’s all DIL fault 🙄