AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

Oh god, so I missed that bit he saved money for the house by her paying rent. Ffs op he did NOT do this alone. Hate to burst your bubble over your precious son but this was not his accomplishment it was THEIRS

@ThisFastEagle Sorry, your FDIL paid all the rent on their home whilst your cocklodger of a son put all his money into a house deposit? And you’re proud of him? 😅

And when she marries him, it’ll be half hers.

good god woman, WTAF are you doing this to her for? Why be a Mil From Hell?

Wow if that's what you got from what your sons fiancee put up on fb then good luck , you'll need it , btw your son got a mortgage he now has 20 yrs or so to pay it off, you have no idea what contrabution she will be making.

I find the whole thing pathetic, to be brutally honest.

Firstly, the bragging on social media? You can be proud of you son, sure - but does it really need a Facebook post to show how proud you are? People have been buying houses for years without the need for 'look how great my son is!!!" show-off stuff posted all over social media. It's not really as much of an accomplishment as you think it is.

Granted, I have low tolerance of social media in general and the daily competition of who can brag about having the best life the most....

But deleting that comment is needlessly passive aggressive. And young people who live on social media tend tend to take slights like that quite personally, so you've probably caused yourself more aggro in the long run. Don't be surprised if she acts differently around you now. Well done.

I absolutely understand your feelings and your reasoning. I can see her posting on mumsnet "FMIL congratulated only my fiance. AIBU for being annoyed?: she would likely get an even split of some saying "she doesn't see you as a family" and others saying "she has right to congratulate her son only. It is not against you personally". I'd be in the 2nd camp:)

I'm reading this to mean that your son's sole mortgage application has been accepted or when you say he owns the house do you mean he's bought it outright? In any case I do think removing the comment was unreasonable.

Hmm yeh I hadn't realised about her supporting him with the rent.

Op he couldn't have done it without her support. You apologised but you still think the achievement is all his?

You'll be in here in a couple of years bleating you can't see your grandchildren, you sound unhinged!

I don’t think they would. Don’t think this situation changes at all with gender! You have been unkind. Perhaps your son doesn’t want everyone to know his partner hasn’t contributed? It isn’t your place to make it public.

You need to consider them a team ans no longer just your son. They are a new family unit and you need to treat them both well. I’d also praise them privately and not on Facebook as that is only crowing to your friends and not actually congratulating THEM BOTH at all. Your congratulatory post is actually pyrrhic praise- it reflects on you- not them.

A friend of mine posted on FB about her son's first home last autumn, he's happily single, no girlfriend, there was a lovely pic of him outside his house with the keys. I don't think of her as a show off, just a mum who is proud. Her son has overcome difficulties with health issues and employment.

I agree so much with this! I rented on my own for a few years, then my boyfriend moved in with me and paid half the rent. I saved everything he gave me and now we are in a position to buy a house. And I KNOW I wouldn’t be anywhere NEAR ready to do this we’re in not for all the rent he’s paid me the last couple of years!

This 1000% - I actually can't believe the OP deleted her comment. This is nothing to do with it being a DS rather than a DD - the whole thing is just plain mean-spirited.

Life’s short. It has obviously bothered you or you would not be on here asking for opinions. You were a twat and you know this deep down. What’s the point of being a twat?

It's not your accomplishment either.

Either way, this relationship is none of your business. It's for your son to decide who he wants to live with and how it is arranged.

Also, where do you get off deleting other people's comments?

Step way back and realize your son is an adult and that you are his mother, not his girlfriend.

Maybe what you should have said in your Facebook post is "absolutely delighted and proud of my son buying his first home - wishing you and future DIL much happiness in your new adventure together" - both recognises your son's accomplishment in getting a house and that it will be both you and your dil new house with zero drama. While it may have been a well intentioned post, deleted Facebook posts and asking your son to tell his girlfriend to effectively catch herself on is making a drama that you are never going to be the winner on.

Of course you are. But once your son is married, you need to see him as a married man and include and respect his wife as they form a team.
Often, mothers actively try to make DIL feel like as an outsider, and this impact their relationship with their sons. On the other hand, they are more respectful of their daughter's marriage.

@ThisFastEagle so unnecessary to cause bad feeling over this house purchase.
You’ve basically pissed on their chips and they won’t forget it.

You sound awful. What a weird and unpleasant thing to do.
She may have supported him so he can afford to buy and they both would likely have sacrificed treats so he could buy the house. Once they're married it's half hers anyway.
Missing her off the post was petty. Deleting her comment was awful and you will definitely be being judged for it by everyone who saw it.
You're going causing issues for yourself further down the line.

So you’re still not getting that you was bang out of order…
Your comment “I see her point ‘but deep down’ I’m like but it was my son whose name is on the house bc of his money…”
Your apology was clearly fake and empty, you don’t have one jot of remorse.
I feel sorry for your son and FDIL, I hope for their sake THEIR new home is more than a bus ride away from you.
There’s no point in you posting an AIBU post if you disagree with 97% of MN votes, what planet are you on? I think you must be a narcissist, there’s no other answer.

The only way this is salvageable is that you tell lovely girlfriend that you only deleted post because you realised you hadn't tagged her. You'd then have to hope your son hadn't already spoken to her about what you told him. I don't know if this has already been covered on your thread.

Talk about totally ruin it for them. Would have been best to delete the whole post rather than now add her hours later.

Apparently so proud of your son but ruined the whole thing and made it about you. Good luck going forward if I was the dil I would be giving you a wide berth.

You don’t need to post it on Facebook. You can just tell him you’re proud. Others will see this and wonder why you’ve not included his fiancee in the post as it’s clear you’ve left her out. It’s petty and unnecessary.

Because it’s embarrassing and braggy and has already caused issues with your relationship to your son and future DIL?

Generally speaking, bragging on FB is no longer a good look. If you’re proud of your son, you tell him in person, take him out for lunch, buy him a gift. Tell your friends in person, if you must, but no need for the public service announcement.

And also you’re broadcasting “It is my son’s house only not hers” and maybe they don’t want their private financial info splashed on FB?!