AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

This. Bloody hell.
You tagged only him and deleted her comment and then spoke to him about it "clarifying your intentions?"
Are you deliberately trying to make them distance themselves from you or something, you sound like a bit of a nightmare tbh.
If she's moving in with him, sounds like a serious relationship so don't know what you're trying to achieve there apart from trouble.

Why not just put a disclaimer message at the bottom of the post? - "This house was purchased 100% by my son and he is the only legal owner."

This is why most people shouldn't be 'friends' with their parents on social media. Embarrassing

My brother works hard and because of that him and his wife have a lovely house. She doesnt work now their children are at secondary school and she stays at home and does things for herself like running and getting facials. He fully supports this. He takes the kids to their hobbies and he cooks dinner. They have a cleaner. He always talks of how wonderful she is and it’s “their” house (legally it would be anyway). He completely supports his wife and anything he works for eg a promotion benefits them and their kids.
My point being in a relationship if they get married any monetary achievements become joint.
(full disclosure sadly I don’t like either of them due to their spiteful comments to other family members and their selfish behaviour when there was a family death).
Im just saying if/ when your son gets married it will be joint money even if she doesn’t contribute anything.

Could you not have just told your son in private that you're proud of him? It's this need to broadcast everything to the world on FB etc that causes these issues. You can be proud of your son without needing to boast about him on FB.

Because she wants the clout. She wants all of her fb huns to see what a well rounded, successful son she has raised. If she congratulated him in person nobody would be any the wider, and that simply wouldn’t do for the op.

And what are we betting the fiancé is going to contributing to the mortgage and all bills. Not to mention the rest of the ‘wife work’ that women end up getting lumped with. And likely, was already doing all that when they were renting.

You’re wrong.

If the marriage is a short one then those kinds of factors are taken into account, but even if it’s a short one she would be entitled to something as the instant they marry it becomes a marital asset.

My cousin’s wife left him after twelve weeks and even she was entitled to £15k settlement.

If the marriage is a longer one then the starting point is 50/50 in terms of financial split, and likely more in her favour if there are children and she is the primary carer.

Seems like you’re the problem. Obsessed boy mum? 🤷🏼‍♀️

If I were in a relationship where my money bought a house for me and my fiancé to live in, I would be mortified if my mother made this obvious on Facebook.

I’ve always earned twice what my husband does but it all goes into the same pot and we are equal.

Why do you have to celebrate your son and not celebrate the couple who are making their lives together?

Bug you have said yourself that she paid rent (or however the contribution was worked out) so that helped him save. Yes she may not have great credit for whatever reason but they seem this their joint home and you tagging your son very much shows you don’t. He sees it as their home and money isn’t always the only factor in what makes something ‘joint’!

making a public comment excluding your FDILand then chastising you DS was a massive error! Please think how to make this up to them.

when DH and I moved into our first house I put down all the deposit as I had worked whilst living with my parents (rent free) whilst he was renting so I saved a lot more.

I have never considered the house more mine than his. We contribute jointly to the mortgage and over the years things have evened out.

if your FDIL is paying bills and ‘rent’ (appreciate she can’t be on the mortgage for credit reasons) apart from the deposit (no mean feet so not saying this is nothing as it’s not), but she is jointly contributing to the house. If they have children and she happens to be a SAHM will she be ‘less because she may not be financially contributing!

you need to think about what you have done and think how to put this right or you could see yourself back here in a few years saying that your DS and DIL don’t spend time with you etc etc

Oh OP, you clearly love your son very much but it’s actions like that that fuel ‘a son is a son ‘til he takes a wife’. Why would you want to start this chapter of their lives off with such a bitter, nasty act? It’s clear to all that you dislike your FDIL. Try and fix things now before you’re low contact with them and any future grandchildren!

Nasty behaviour, perhaps your son has a point and that together they did accomplish it together even though he put all the money in, he may have felt without her by his side he would never had achieved this. Perhaps he viewed his relationship as a team, not what his is and what’s hers is hers. The fact is come June it’s a moot point she has 50%, I also expect that moving forward you will know very little of who contributes what financially in the household.

You need to repair this damage, I don’t think the post itself is so damaging but more the deleting of her comment. How mortifying.

you never know what is around the corner, what happens if she were suddenly to come into some money and pay the mortgage off totally. I am sure you would think it was only right she share her money with her husband or would you object and say no son this is your house and your accomplishment alone don’t let her pay it off?

what happens in a few years and she is in a better position and they sell and buy a house together with both on the mortgage, will you do a special fb post to say well done specifically to her?

The fact is your post seems vindictive and would have not hurt one jot to post saying your proud etc and you hope they enjoy their first home together which buy the sounds of it is the first home they have together regardless of who is on the mortgage.

You were a weirdo, you’ve ruined “the achievement” far more with deleting and talking to your son about it

Fucking hell. Toxic Boy Mum alert! You were absolutely unreasonable and petty in this. So uncalled for and I really advise looking honestly and reflecting on why you would do this, before you drive your son away

This.

OP's post on social media is going to set his fiance against her - not a sensible thing to do ahead of a wedding.

TBH, it's a weird thing to post about it at all, let alone trying to become a wedge between them!

...my advice (after having 30 years of a MIL just like you) - back off! It's not a game where one person has to win over another. You may find that if he feels he has to choose, it probably won't be you!

Yes I think you should. They have every intention of this being their family home together, and she will obviously be contributing to their family unit, and home, in a practical and financial sense, whether or not she has children and takes time out of her career and pension to raise them, enabling your son to continue earning. You say yourself she has already enabled him to buy this house by freeing up some of his rental costs. Please let your DIL know she is valued.

I thought this, she could’ve chosen to buy a congratulations card and write in it how proud she is of his accomplishments. Instead she put it out in the public arena accompanied by an obvious snub to her son’s future wife. She must’ve really burst his bubble and thrown cold water on his and his fiancée’s excitement.
Everyone on DS’s FB page will have seen what kind of person his DM is, DS must feel terribly embarrassed and ashamed of his mother. I’d be eating large helpings of humble pie if I was her, but she still doesn’t appear to understand what she did wrong… If you can’t see it, you can’t fix it. She wouldn’t get an invite to the housewarming party if she was my DM!

From one Mother of son to another.

I mean this kindly, too little to late to tag her.

The damage is done, she will never forget or forgive you for this post.
She is potentially the mother of your future grandchildren, you had better tread carefully.

Wow. You sound like a controlling nightmare. It’s really none of your business - it’s your sons. You are going to find yourself in a position where your son is forced to choose between you both if you are not careful.

Did he ask you to broadcast his (their) business on Facebook?

The damage is done now, delete the ridiculous post and step away from Facebook.

Next time you’re proud of him send him a text.

Wow suddenly my MIL seems really lovely.

Out of interest when they have kids will you put up a FB post just congratulating your DIL on her accomplishment?? Because it sure as hell won’t be his.

You sound like the mother in law from hell. Looking forward to the future MN posts when you are wondering why you aren’t included in your son and grandchildren’s lives.

Yeah, that’s unkind OP. I bought my home entirely before DH and I married and he moved in from the beginning to ‘my’ home, though it was always bought as ours. He paid nothing towards it and contributed nothing to any works towards it. I’d have been furious if my family did this and didn’t view it as ours, especially so publicly on fb and then to delete his comment. That would be too far. I think you’ve been very unkind and boastful. You’re definitely going to cause issues with the relationship with your son if you don’t adjust how you view things.