Page 23 | AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

LifeReallyIsTooShort · 08/06/2025 18:39

RealJadeCritic · 08/06/2025 18:07

I’m about to be in the same situation, my partner is buying his first home, with no financial contribution from me. I’ll be living in it with him of course, and whilst we are excited to have a home together, I fully understand that it’s not my achievement! he has worked so hard for this and I am so proud of him, that it would never occur to me to be offended when someone congratulated him on ‘his’ new house only. Of course it will be our home, but it’s not my house at the end of the day. I especially wouldn’t take it personally if his mum congratulated him and shared that on her Facebook, can’t he have his moment?!

But that’s not what this is about, OP deleted DS’s fiancé’s Facebook message expressing her excitement and looking forward to the next chapter, this is the woman OP is going to marry, of course she’s excited. OP was out of order for deleting her future DIL’s message, and she needs to get her head around the fact that this is the woman her son loves regardless of who put what money into which pot… for better for worse, for richer for poorer…
OP is jealous and that’s a very destructive trait.

CorbyTrouserPress · 08/06/2025 18:39

Evenworseformeeces · 08/06/2025 18:35

Edited as posted on the wrong thread

Edited

Eh?

NotOldYet · 08/06/2025 18:39

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 18:35

My FDIL is upset and hurt I didn’t tag her when she is his future wife. Maybe I should go back on my post and add her

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That's probably the most sensible thing you've said.
Its a way out, that suggests you've thought about what you've done and want to salvage the relationship.

CorbyTrouserPress · 08/06/2025 18:40

Evenworseformeeces · 08/06/2025 18:35

Edited as posted on the wrong thread

Edited

Ah

Jaggy1 · 08/06/2025 18:40

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 18:35

My FDIL is upset and hurt I didn’t tag her when she is his future wife. Maybe I should go back on my post and add her

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I don’t think that cuts it. You’ve already deleted her comment which she eill
obviously notice. The whole thing comes across terribly that you don’t care about her and only him, when actually they are a unit, to be married, no less.

If you genuinely want to fix it and feel bad then message and say sorry for deleting the comment, that you intended to congratulate your son on his accomplishment and that you don’t recognise her part in that whatsoever and don’t think she warrants inclusion in the purchase of their family home.
Regardless if she has her name on it or not, one can’t do this on their own while in a couple, there will have been decisions and sacrifices between them.

I genuinely don’t know how you get out of it without just owning your opinion and putting up with the consequences.

MummaMummaMumma · 08/06/2025 18:41

I think you're going to regret this very much.
Yes, your son has purchased the house. His fiance is likely moving in with him?
And you've now gone and done something extremely rude to her. Do you think she'll be wanting you over "her house" as she's living there, it is her house.

MyPeppyCat · 08/06/2025 18:41

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 17:40

I did apologize to my son and FDIL for deleting the comment but my FDIL also said she was hurt I didn’t tag her as well bc this was a joint effort and it implied I still view my son as a single man rather than in a partnership and soon to be married. This will be their home.

Your FDIL sounds spot on.

Hankunamatata · 08/06/2025 18:42

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 16:15

My son got very defensive and said he 100% views it as their home and she gave him emotional moral support standing by his side and without once questioning it moving to be with him. And she helped him pick out their future home. And they are about to be married it’s their home together. I said my post wasn’t about that it was about his accomplishment of being able to purchase the home

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So your own son told you that you were wrong. Listen to him
Its their home - together. Deposit matter if she isn't on the mortgage if they are about to be married

chickenlettuceunderbacon · 08/06/2025 18:42

I think you're petty and a bit nasty to delete her comment. Mostly thought, why even bother posting something in the first instance on social media? It's just performative nonsense.

Topsyturvy78 · 08/06/2025 18:43

She will be contributing to the house making it theirs in her way. How petty of you plus nobody likes a bragger.

Teenybub · 08/06/2025 18:43

If they have kids, make sure not to
congratulate your son or tag him in any posts because after a quick 20 seconds 9 months earlier the rest is all on her.
My MIL is a little like you, her sons are perfect and amazing and their wives/girlfriends are seen as tag alongs, we don’t see her much because she isn’t very welcoming compared to my family, BIL and SIL don’t bother much either.

MelodysMomma · 08/06/2025 18:44

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 15:55

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

Our home is in my husband name for the same reasons as your son and his fiancé but it’s still OUR HOME you are being VVV unreasonable! It’s her home too and she is entitled to be excited for this new chapter in their lives together. I’d mind my own business if I were you.

AxolotlEars · 08/06/2025 18:44

housethatbuiltme · 08/06/2025 18:32

No it won't that is not how it works and a really out dated ignorant 'gold digger' notion.

Its a pre-martial asset, paid for by him and in only his name. She would have to demonstrate and active input (like co-paying on the mortgage and/or paying for upkeep and value adding works or having given up financial security/work to raise his children who would have a claim to security) to claim any ownership or value from it.

You don't just magically get someone else's stuff for just marrying and divorcing them, you have to put something into it to have a claim to it.

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Nope!

thepariscrimefiles · 08/06/2025 18:44

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 16:40

Yup! God forbid a mother recognizes her son a part from the “unit” for something he put all the money into. Yes I understand they will be married and she will be contributing towards the bills and children but my post wasn’t about all that but about his accomplishment which he did on his own. I shouldn’t have deleted his comment but deep down I want my son to feel he is being recognized for his individual achievements. Being part of a couple doesn’t automatically mean all your achievements are the couple as a unit

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It sounds like your son found it cringy and divisive. I think you wanted to make a pointed comment that buying a house was his sole achievement in order to take your future DIL down a peg or two. If you just wanted to congratulate your son, you could have sent him a privage message or phoned him. You did this on Facebook so that his fiancee would see it.

Now that your son has seen right through your disingenuous behaviour, you have come on here to seek validation. Fortunately, 97% of people who voted, disagree with you.

Dodgethis · 08/06/2025 18:44

Predicted subjects of future posts by the OP:

My DIL has banned me from seeing my son at Christmas

My DIL hasn’t included me in the wedding and I feel excluded because there isn’t a special Mother-son moment

Why won’t my DIL let me come and visit for a week when my first GC is born?

Why does my DIL not let me see the GC whenever I want?

Rift with my DIL - why won’t she respect me?

housesellin · 08/06/2025 18:44

You remind me of my MIL.

she no longer sees her son and hasn’t met her grandchild.

be careful.

MyRootinTootinBaby · 08/06/2025 18:45

So if they ever have children, you’d put a post up congratulating her for all of her hard work during the pregnancy and giving birth, but you’d delete any of his comments because he was just there and didn’t actually do anything? You wouldn’t mind if her parents treated him like that?

Teenybub · 08/06/2025 18:45

Dodgethis · 08/06/2025 18:44

Predicted subjects of future posts by the OP:

My DIL has banned me from seeing my son at Christmas

My DIL hasn’t included me in the wedding and I feel excluded because there isn’t a special Mother-son moment

Why won’t my DIL let me come and visit for a week when my first GC is born?

Why does my DIL not let me see the GC whenever I want?

Rift with my DIL - why won’t she respect me?

And OP brought it all on herself!

brunettemic · 08/06/2025 18:46

Oh I absolutely cannot wait for the posts over the coming years when he chooses her over you multiple times and you don’t understand why…please, please tag me in them.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/06/2025 18:46

Did your husband pay for the house you live in?
Or did you put half in?

nautys · 08/06/2025 18:47

We’ll be reading about this MIL in a few years I’m sure.

fruitbrewhaha · 08/06/2025 18:47

Your post was deliberately pointing out she hadn’t contributed. You didn’t want people to see they had moved in together and assume she had bought the house too. It was a dig.

DiscoBob · 08/06/2025 18:47

Well you sound charming.

'We've had a long distance thing...' WE? No..not We. Him and his partner. It's nothing to do with you. None of it is.

Presumably you'll be just as warm and welcoming to your grandchildren?

SusiQ18472638 · 08/06/2025 18:48

This is why I can’t be bothered with Facebook and the like….if you are that sensitive just congratulate him in person. Talk about make a drama out of nothing!!

Whatthewhatthewhatyhe · 08/06/2025 18:48

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 15:55

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

I don’t think you were wrong to post about being proud . The rest all kind of depends on context really …

will she be contributing to the mortgage ?
is it a home they have chosen together , with a plan to live in together ?

If she’s going to be contributing , but her credit was bad so she couldn’t go on the mortgage then she’s already at a disadvantage so it could be embarrassing to not include her - or to make it known it’s just him . If it’s a case where they plan to live there together and it’s just a case of her not being on the mortgage then you have taken the shine away and there was no need to do that.

If it’s the case that she won’t be contributing and it’s his alone and his responsibility, and will still remain his in the event of a split , then it’s different - but either way I think deleting the comment was a bit much. They are still living there together and planning a life , she didn’t say “ I’m so excited that we now own a house together “ she said she was excited to move into their home and start the new chapter .