AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

Don’t you think his fiancée might ALSO be proud of his achievements??

As a matter of interest, did you go halves on buying your first home with your son’s dad?? Or were you in a lesser paid job so couldn’t contribute as much?

In any event, it’s actually got nothing at all to do with you anyway, it’s between your son and his fiancée, and if they’re happy, then butt out.

I don't understand why you needed to delete the comment? It's not as if anything she said implied that it was her buying the house. Of course they are excited. She didn't take credit for the purchase.
This is a great way to ensure your DS wants nothing to do with you. Keep it up.

There’s your answer OP!

He is already choosing her over you so be prepared to be phased out in the future if you keep up this attitude…

Her comment was nothing to do with the actual purchase of the house, it how she was looking forward to living with your son and starting a new life - VERY petty of you to delete it and speak to your son about it.

Well said. At that time these MILs forget about who contributed more. Only when it suits them.

I can't see the problem with her comment as it is going to be her home and they will be looking forward to this next chapter together. I totally get you're proud of your DS, I have a DS and I'm the proudest mumma out there! But I think your reaction is very OTT and to delete her comment would have been hurtful to her. It's like you're saying she is irrelevant yet they are engaged and the wedding date is set. You wanted your post to tell the world that the house belongs to your DS and him only and the accomplishment was all down to him. That's as may be but why do you want everyone to know that? Is that important to you - why?
And of course FB is just a crappy social media braggy thing where people post their holidays and high days to show off really. I don't really understand the importance you are putting on a FB post - seems immature to me.

Crikey. Poor girl having you as a mother-in-law.

You think you can post what you want but she can’t post what she wants 🤷‍♂️…

Honestly I find it a really odd post. Zzz congrats on your new home Ds &FDil is all that needs to go on a fb post ..

no one really gives a damn if your Ds saved for it or it was a joint investment .

Poor future DIL I feel sorry for her. At least your son is emotionally supportive. Thats maybe something to be proud of, raising a supportive partner rather than his ability to make a financial purchase. You sound very Hyacinth Bouquet. Bragging on Facebook about someone else buying a house is a bit pathetic.

Sticking nails in the coffin of the relationship with your son. Don’t be surprised if they have children and you are excluded!

Imagine starting a new life with the man you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with and his mother is a mean, old bint.

Wow! You need to give your head a massive wobble and start some serious back pedalling!

I’m a hugely supportive MIL but even I recognise that I come very far down in the family pecking order now they have children.

The Wife is always in charge unless it’s a relationship where cultural values dictate that the wife loses her identity upon marriage. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Generally, it’s HER mum, then HER dad, grandparents, then HER siblings, then you, if you’re lucky. Your son will support his wife because that’s normal and what I’d expect him to do.

If you try and throw your weight around, you will lose and you only have to read the endless threads on here and on gransnet from mums of sons who have been kept at a distance or have zero contact with their grandchildren anymore.

Don’t make this about you and don’t fuck this up ay further or you’ll be the one living to regret it sadly.

No it won't that is not how it works and a really out dated ignorant 'gold digger' notion.

Its a pre-martial asset, paid for by him and in only his name. She would have to demonstrate and active input (like co-paying on the mortgage and/or paying for upkeep and value adding works or having given up financial security/work to raise his children who would have a claim to security) to claim any ownership or value from it.

You don't just magically get someone else's stuff for just marrying and divorcing them, you have to put something into it to have a claim to it.

You might want to rethink your attitude to her. She may be the future mother of your grandchildren and I wouldn’t blame her if she kept contact with you to a bare minimum. If I was her I would be thanking my lucky stars I was so far away from you..

The family home in the U.K. purchased while engaged.

Will definitely be split in a divorce.

You’ll lose your son over this sort of behaviour you know.

You're one of 'those' mother in laws aren't you 😬🙄

Edited as posted on the wrong thread

I’d bet my house on this being your only child.

At this stage, I’m thinking the OP is deliberately “missing the point” to keep the thread going.
Or is really really dumb.

This is about you. You feel proud that you have raised your son to ‘achieve’ enough to get a good salary, save and buy a home and you feel that reflects on your achievements as a parent (otherwise why not just say it to him, no need to write a post on social media). So when his fiancée commented, you feel that was her taking something away from your achievement. Instead of reflecting on your feelings you reacted emotionally and did something which may begin to cause a rift between your future daughter in law and you, and probably your son and you later too. If it were me I would own my feelings and apologise.

My FDIL is upset and hurt I didn’t tag her when she is his future wife. Maybe I should go back on my post and add her

Oh dear i wouldn't have deleted the comment thats a burn shes going to hold for a long time, quite rude of you really shes his finance they will be married and like it or not that house would be part hers if they got married. Also he got the mortgage that's it its in his name im sure if shes living there she will be paying her way either towards the mortgage or on bills which will help ur son in paying off the mortgage essentially as its someone to split the costs with. So yes yabu

Wrong! As soon as they have children, that changes everything!

Bit late now op. I'm going to wish the girl good luck, because if you continue this behaviour she's going to need it.

OP-I'm probably older than you. I hate the ageism that's often seen on here towards older women. I often think MIL threads are unfair but I think you have behaved in a petty and spiteful way and you are the one who is going to suffer from it.
You aren't being targetted because you are a future MIL. You posted on social media which I doubt your son wanted and was probably to show off. You were foolish to delete his partners comment.
You could have told your son privately how proud you are of him.
I think you have probably succeeded in damaging your relationship with your son and I can only suggest that you apologise without attempting to justify yourself.
I actually wonder if this is a wind up to reinforce the MIL trope. Not many people would be this insensitive.

@ThatShyRoseViper If you bookmark OP’s last post, each time you click on the thread it will take you straight to the bookmark. If there’s no further posts by the OP it will still say ‘all’ otherwise it will say ‘next’, Just remember to bookmark the last one each time, which automatically undoes the previous.You can do this without watching the thread. hth.