AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

how long are you going to hold this one on her?

will you still be so bitter when she’s had your grandchildren and done all the childcare?
when your son can’t be arsed cleaning the house? When they both invest in maintaining the place?

get a grip woman, he might have paid for it but he chose her to marry and he chose her to make a life with, a HOME with and their next chapter.

I get where you’re coming from but I really wish you hadn’t deleted it.

I think it might cause issues between you and your son, instigated by her , most likely.

I would focus now on damage control and , dare I say, Deny deny deny re the comment deleting and pretend it was a fb glitch.

Make it sound more convincing by encouraging her to post her comment again 🤷‍♀️

No wonder he got defensive! Your comment purposely excluded his fiancée. They, as a couple, have a lovely new home but you made sure to spitefully exclude her. That’s unnecessary. You could still have said Well Done to your son, and put a nice comment about them as a couple - but you didn’t.

Is this a reverse? I can’t believe you don’t get why it was mean to do that. How would you feel if when they’re married, have their first baby, her mother makes a FB post only congratulating her daughter? Yes, her daughter grew and gave birth to the baby, but it would still be your son’s too, right? Your comment is very similar - knowingly excluding her.

I get it OP but I think deleting the comment was a bad move, she didn't disregard your son's hard work or achievement, she didn't claim ownership however it is quite rightly her home if they live together.

Also, if my mother tagged me in a post on social media congratulating me for taking out a loan to buy a house I'd tell her to stop being such a braggy bellend and delete it.

You’ve been told repeatedly by very many different people that you are wrong to do this , yet you keep justifying yourself and your pettiness. YABU.
What is more important to you- a good and healthy relationship with your DS and his future wife or showing her how she’s not good enough for your DS?

Oh dear. That was nasty. I would have been gutted if I were the FDIL. She's probably been supporting the guy and they're now partners so will be living in the house together and looking after it together. It's just a bad start to it all if she feels like her future MIL already thinks she's not worthy. My MIL always made me feel included and everything me and DH did was a joint effort, not a competition. I feel my MIL was just delighted her son had found someone to share his life with, which included house ownership, careers, children etc. I have a long memory so I would probably remember crap like this if I were the FDIL. 🤷‍♀️

But the son's partner wasn't the offended one. She posted what sounds like a cheerful and exciting message about the house. Setting aside that it's odd to post online about your sons mortgage application being approved in the first place, it's not that odd to comment on a post about a house that you will live in and no doubt contribute to.

OP is the one who "took it personally", and it sounds like the son didn't want his (cringey) "moment"

Unkind and unnecessary. So what if it was your son’s achievement, still no need to delete her post.

This all day. I’d be beyond embarrassed.

I was taught not to show off when I was a child.

Oh God, I so hope you would say that - braggy bellend🤣🤣

I know where you're coming from but I would be more worried about the long term impact of him marrying someone who is not good with money.

If there is no good reason for her having bad credit, and/or she has a sense of entitlement, getting married is a bad idea.

Spot on! OP good luck in thinking he’s about to pay every penny of this with his own cash… oh wait - it’s not exactly his own come June next year though …..

Nice one OP, you’ve just guaranteed that you’ll never get invited to the house your DS has just bought

No. Fucking. Way.

All I can say is that I’m glad I have my fb set up such that I have to approve any tags.

Being tagged as an adult by your mother on facebook is cringeworthy, and that’s without the ensuing rift you’ve created in the process.

I mean come on. Writing a public post congratulating him on getting a mortgage? How mortifying for him.

It seems like that will happen anyways given op’s attitude she is not going to stop at this post. There will be a lot of opportunities for op to put her future DIL in her place, and op won’t hesitate.

I love these posts where someone wants to know if they were being unreasonable and argues with the 99% of people who tell them yes they were 😂

It's not a coincidence that nearly everyone has voted YABU.

Oh OP my DH is no contact with his family over nonsense like this. Honestly wise the bap. After 25 years I'm still treated like a temporary inconvenience. Sort it now before the wedding and babies come along. You don't want to miss out.

All you needed today was "Wishing you many years of happiness in your beautiful home".

I keep saying to my husband there's thinking things and saying things.

Stop doubling down, OP. 97% of people think you did a shitty thing. But you just won't accept it, you keep trying to justify it. You are not going to see your future GC much if you carry on like this.

Oh dear. You are a MIL from hell in the making.

Disnt you ask in op if you were wrong. Now in every subsequent post, you have argued with posters.
Solet me tell you what you want to hear. You did perfectly normal thing. Well done.

I understand your supportive intentions, but amongst all the “you’re going to be an evil MIL” responses is the sentiment that while you may have sincerely meant well by the FB post, you unintentionally insulted your sons future wife. By doubling down on this now, you’re probably
causing a rift when it comes to future visits at that home, because it’s her home and safe space and she reasonably might not want you there if you openly dislike her.

Shes relocated away from her own friends and family to be with your son and he’s shown his commitment back by proposing to her. They’ve then chosen a home to start that life together in and it’s a happy time.

I imagine your post went further than “So proud of John for buying his first home to start his future life with his fiancee Jane together!” (Which is subtle, but makes the point!) and likely excluded her altogether. There’s every chance she wasn’t intentionally trying to say YOU MEAN OUR HOUSE in her response and you read into it, in the same exact way you may not have meant to say ITS ONLY HIS HOUSE as directly. I think it’s not such a huge deal that as the “adult adult” in this situation you should take the high road and say you’re just proud of all the financial sacrifices and hard work your son has done to now be in the position to buy a marital home for him and his fiance and now THEIR future memories can be made together there. You’re very happy for them both and look forward to celebrating happy memories there with them and you meant no offence.

Based on your responses to comments, there does however seem to be some underlying resentment to her “entitlement” to the house as being hers too, that “she didn’t really help my son by paying rent with him” (she will 100% have saved him money!) She will speak to her family/siblings about this who will be missing their loved one who moved to be with your son and sounds like is being spurned by his family.

Be thoughtful on how you’d like your son to be treated in the same circumstances.

truly unbelievable thing to do. If I was your son I’d be livid.

Posting on FB is icky too in my opinion. When my DS does something I’m proud of I either tell him or as he doesn’t live near us, I message him.