AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

😆 yes, you can see a touch of that!

Ridiculous! I’d delete the post too.
its actually so cringy anyway to have your mum write a post like that! Why couldn’t you just send a bloody card! Why does it need to be public?

buying a house - a dream, an accomplishment? It’s pretty standard stuff surely I don’t think it deserves a load of praise. 🤣 he worked and saved up some money - wow!

be careful he and the soon to be wife don’t distance themselves from you if you continue to behave like this.

You did an awful thing there.

By your own admission your son was able to save as FDIL contributed to rent etc in their previous home.
Will FDIL be contributing financially to the new home?

You were thoughtless at best in the fb post, but the real problem is in deleting FDIL comment and having a word with your son.

He's an adult, and you'll drive him away with behaviour like this. You don't need to like your DIL, and you're entitled to think what you like about her. But it you want your son about then I suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself in words and actions.

I'm sure you'll be back in a couple of years complaining about how FDIL keeps the grandchildren away from you and son barely visits.

@ThisFastEagle Do you like your FDIL?

Do you get on/enjoy spending time together?

Is this your only son?

Because the post really looks very divisive and the you are not respecting their relationship.
It WILL be her home too.

And this is a great way to start down the road of not being welcome there!

You know your DS will-quite rightly-take her side and you risk losing him by being so petty

You are allowed a relationship with him, my DH and his brothers see their parents all the time, with and without their wives/children.

The saying is because often men don't put the effort into relationships and the woman ends up being the one facilitating it (shouldn't be that way, wouldn't be in any relationship I'm in, it's up to him, but that's beside the point). So piss off your FDIL and you may find your relationship with your son suffers.

As an aside, my MIL regularly excluded us (her DILs) prior to us actually being married. I was the last to marry in, so I'd seen it happen and just brushed it off as who she was, and DH isn't afraid to tell her to behave better. But both my SILs have a fractured relationship with her and there have been periods of no contact for both of DHs brothers because of this.

Depending on how your son is as a person, you need to be careful around "excluding" her, because you may well lose your son over it. He's chosen her, he will choose her.

However you allegedly meant it op, it’s not coming across that way to your son or FDIL, or indeed many of us. Your son and FDIL have discussed this and your card will be well and truly marked I’m afraid. Your FDIL is upset with you, and therefore by extension, so is your son. Gently, I’d be careful going forward op - your relationship with your son depends on it.

Not sure that I would describe buying a house as an "accomplishment". It's a financial transaction, a purchase made when you have the wherewithal to do so, like buying a car, or a computer, or a holiday, but with more money involved.

An accomplishment in my view would be something like passing an exam, writing a book, composing a symphony, learning a skill, raising a happy child, succeeding in a career, creating a garden...etc.

he my have got the mortgage but surely they will both be paying into it
the house will be both their responsibility?

OMFG you didn't 😱

Seriously you were bang out of order deleting the FB comment, it’s none of your business. This is the woman your son loves, he’s asked her to marry him. Her financial position, past or present is none of your business, and if I was you I’d think long and hard about your next move if you want to remain in your sons life… I certainly wouldn’t tolerate your spiteful possessive behaviour, and I hope he doesn’t.
When he marries what’s his is hers, what’s hers is his, deal with it and allow them the love and happiness they deserve… jealousy is a nasty trait!

This. Buying a house is (a) not the extraordinary achievement you think it is (some people can afford to, others can't; hard work has very little to do with it), and (b) not an end goal. You don't buy a house to have a house, you buy a house to live in it, often with the person or people you love. That's what's exciting about this new phase in his life and you've trashed it. No wonder they're both upset with you.

Given OPs follow up responses, does anyone else think she just posted here to brag further about her son buying a house 😆🤣

Have you phoned the press OP? They might want to know your son is bow a homeowner 🤣

You're coming across as nasty and spiteful. Don't be surprised if you never get to see the inside of this house.

You're going to end up with a horrible relationship with your DIL and then your son will distance himself from you and you'll wonder why. 😂

Fucking hell, OP. Fucking hell.

I’m about to be in the same situation, my partner is buying his first home, with no financial contribution from me. I’ll be living in it with him of course, and whilst we are excited to have a home together, I fully understand that it’s not my achievement! he has worked so hard for this and I am so proud of him, that it would never occur to me to be offended when someone congratulated him on ‘his’ new house only. Of course it will be our home, but it’s not my house at the end of the day. I especially wouldn’t take it personally if his mum congratulated him and shared that on her Facebook, can’t he have his moment?!

OP’s next post. My DIL hates me and I don’t understand why 🤣 honestly you are looking for problems where there aren’t any, you seem jealous.

You sound incredibly hard work. Your son's finances, and specifically the financial setup between him and his soon to be wife are absolutely none of your business.

A woman of your age should surely have mastered the skill of containing your bitterness.

Even if your point was to congratulate your son’s achievement, why not allow your future daughter in law to be excited about what will be her new home? They are a partnership and presumably your son’s fiancée will bring her own strengths to the marriage. I think it was incredibly mean of you.

In any case, I don’t really get the whole public congratulations on Facebook thing (well, I think I do, but I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt.) What’s wrong with buying him a plant (or whatever) for his housewarming and giving him a hug? At this rate you’ll be lucky if you get to set foot in their house at all.

Because it's so embarrassing. I would have been embarrassed if my mum posted that when I bought my house. If she'd also been as rude as you to my DP I would have been furious and upset on behalf of the person I love. You have no idea what goes on inside their relationship, other than that they love each other and want to be together. Grow up

We shall eagerly await that post when it inevitably arises.

I feel sorry for the woman ending up with OP as her MIL. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

How very childish and bitchy. I doubt you'll be at the house warming party.

Wow. Spiteful mil from hell alert!

Op, your attitude is not good. Soon she will be your DIL, you are going to destroy relationship with your DS eventually with this attitude of othering someone so important to him.

OP, why did you bother asking?