AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

This cannot be serious. I actually wondered reverse but it’s lasted too long to be a reverse.

YABU. This is the woman your son has chosen to share his life with. It might be that he paid for the house but it’s their home which you soon won’t be welcome at if you carry on like this.

I will never understand why people lose their minds over sm if I live to be a hundred.

OP, can you honestly not see how you came across as petty, mean, and to be honest a bit controlling! (She's allowed to comment on a post, whatever your initial intention on making the post - Facebook is an interactive forum!)

What did your son say when you told him?

And what sort of relationship do you expect to have with your future daughter in law if you do things like this?.Do you expect her not to be upset/offended? Or don't you care?

Best answer ever 🤣👏

Oedipus's mother called, OP. She wants her USP back.

What a strange shortsighted thing to do, deleting her comment and bringing it up to your son. I don’t think this is a fight you want to pick op, if you want a good ongoing relationship with your son, his fiancée and any future children they may have. The post itself, while a bit ‘look at meeeee and my WONDERFUL son!’, was fine. It’s the consequent bullshit that’ll cause issues.

Surely the achievement is finding a nice woman, I assume he loves, who he wants to marry and build a house together. Buying a house is just saving some money and taking out a mortgage. You are talking like he's cured cancer!

You sound nasty and almost a bit jealous.

Send him a text to congratulate him, don’t put it on Facebook that’s just embarrassing and I would be asking my mum to take it down if she did it about me (not that she would as thank god she isn’t that cringey)

If you want others to see it then that says more about you than him

I am usually on the MIL side on threads on here even though I am not one myself, but this is definitely one I can’t agree with

I also think it very much steals someone's thunder when they're an adult and someone else posts about their achievements. It's a bit rude, takes attention off them onto you and what if they don't want everyone on your friends list knowing their business?

Am I missing something? You are acting as if he saved up and bought the house cash. Yes he paid a deposit what ten per cent? Great, so if it goes the distance fiancé may pay her share of the rest plus 25 years of interest, dwarfing the deposit. In marriage, money is joint and who knows or care who earns what?
In my first marriage, my husband paid more of the deposit and I had a cheap staff mortgage, which was a big deal years ago. In my second marriage, I had a house on mortgage already. No one cared. Certainly no hero worship for having ‘ bought a house’ by paying a deposit. Small private text to son would have been more than enough.
At least this happened early on and you can learn. I hope

How old is your son OP?
Is he the first member of your family to own property?
Is there a mortgage?

Horrible thing for you to do. We ended up moving 200 miles to get away from a MIL like you.

I know. I suspect the next thing is that this evil future DIL is going to stop the OP’s son from talking to the OP. Nothing at all to do with the OP’s batshit behaviour pushing her son away.

She's right.

you need to think long and hard about your future relationship with them both.

I voted YANBU simply because I think it was right to delete the comment but in reality you should have deleted the whole post. In fact, you shouldn’t have done the post.
By way of explanation - I’m a family solicitor. One way she could bring a claim to part ownership (if they split) is by showing it was a joint venture and intended to be joint. Trust me, in these disputes we see old letters or social media posts that support the joint venture claim. Couple that with some financial contributions and her claim gets better and better. You started that.
It’s moot though, if they marry, matrimonial law will determine any division if they later break up.
I just don’t understand what you wanted to achieve. A WhatsApp message to him congratulating him would have been much more appropriate.

It means she will be his priority in life, not you. It means comforting her when she’s upset will supersede any actions to stroke your ego. It also means you need to start giving your FDIL the appropriate courtesy and respect if you have any hope of seeing your son and future grandchildren in the years to come.

When we bought our first house it was only in DHs name - I can’t recall why. And he paid the deposit but I covered half the mortgage. At no point did he or anyone else not call it my home. We sold it and it was my home when we left. We bought our new house with some inherited money and he mostly pays the mortgage. It’s still my home, I paid towards it, decorated it, cleaned it, repaired it, lived in it, reared the DC in it.

She didn’t say she achieved it, she said she was looking forward to living there. You have been unreasonable to delete her comments.

It’s Facebook for fucks sakes, who is that petty over Facebook posts?!

Nasty thing to do, op.

Your future relationship with your ds and fdil do not look great!

Personally I would have apologised and said that you’re sorry it upset her, what did you say?

The thing is that the whole special moment has now been totally spoilt, even if not intentionally, and I’d just concentrate on building bridges, if not you will drive your son away.

OP, just because you are proud of your son, why can't she also comment that she's happy to live in their new home and look forward to the future? Why must one necessarily exclude the other? She's going to be your daughter in law for God's sake. I echo the other posters. Petty and spiteful. It seems quite evident now that your son is not proud of YOUR actions right now.

Bloody hell, I've just read one of your other comments:

"Yes I understand she may pay utilities and her paying rent in the apartment may have helped my son save up but at the end of the day it was my son’s credit and earnings that got him that house".

Her paying utilities and rent was a major contribution to him getting the house. It was the combination of them both working and his good credit history that enabled them to get a house. And no doubt she also supported and motivated him. But, Oh No, you don't want her to have any credit at all. I mean, let's face it, she'll never be good enough for your son, because you have placed him on such a high pedestal! I think that you're jealous of her if I'm honest. You want the credit for raising your son and for him doing well. You don't like the fact that she has also contributed towards him doing well. The fact that you can't even see that is concerning.

Also, it's not 'his' house. It's 'their' house.

This. 100%.

Oh dear 😬 . If you want to maintain a relationship with your son it’s probably a good idea to not look down your nose at his fiancée. He will pick her over you if he has to .

The problem is you see it as two separate things: 1 his achievement on getting a mortgage and 2 them setting up home together ready for the married life.

They don’t. They see it as the same thing. Very much intertwined.

I also think it was a strange social media post. Yes parents are proud of their children but let them know privately.