AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

How far away have they moved ?

Not far enough, I’d wager

That's madness, OP. He's bought the house as their first home together. They're getting married. You're really asking for trouble - the deletion has probably sealed the deal. Why ever couldn't you have just told him in private how proud you were of him?

Well indeed I’ve seen congratulations on posts on moving to a new rental. Nothing to do with buying just congrats your moving! A new house how exciting regardless.

This was a solo achievement

Except it wasn’t solo was it - he wouldn’t have been able to do it without her financially supporting them with the rent etc so that he could save, not to mention the emotional and moral support that he has said he valued highly.

They did this TOGETHER. Like people who are about to get married do.

What a nasty piece of work you are - at least you've done her a favour by broadcasting to the world how little you think her, how little it means to you that she emotionally supports your son, that basically nothing she does or will ever do will ever be ‘good enough’ for your son in your eyes.

At least now she and your son can see you clearly and she won’t have to waste her time trying to build a positive relationship - they can just cut you off from the outset.

It shocks me the threads people get sucked in by.

Are people really this gullible or is it that they just don't care?

@ThisFastEagle

It’s telling that you described yourself as “overprotective” and are also being so argumentative with posters who are trying to explain to you that deleting the comment was mean, childish and not smart.

You keep posting justifying how you feel about it, which is missing the point entirely IMO.

You're fine to think it's solely his achievement and only be proud of him for it. You're fine to (as you so clearly do) feel that the girlfriend is snatching joy of his hard-earned work. You can think whatever you want.

What is very strange and petty and scorekeeping and not a good indicator of the kind of person you are (and mother-in-law you'll be) is deleting her comment publicly to make a point that - in the grand scheme of things - did NOT need making. All you've done is made yourself look petty and odd and dismissed that this is also his girlfriend's new home and a new chapter in their lives together - whoever paid for it. THAT's what's weird, that's why YABU. Not to have the feeling - you're entitled to feel how you like, but your actions were weird and childish and rude.

I did apologize to my son and FDIL for deleting the comment but my FDIL also said she was hurt I didn’t tag her as well bc this was a joint effort and it implied I still view my son as a single man rather than in a partnership and soon to be married. This will be their home.

Well, MN is essentially entertainment. If people are entertained by the post and by engaging with it, then does it matter if it’s real or not?

“Yes I understand she may pay utilities and her paying rent in the apartment may have helped my son save up”

Hang on - was she paying rent for the apartment they live together in order for him to be able to save up for the house deposit??

You weren’t wrong in the congratulations OP but deleting her comments … big mistake, and an even bigger mistake to challenge your son over it.

How much nicer to have acknowledged her and say that you hope they will be very happy.

I’m a three times MiL and I know that there are times when the wise thing is just to keep my mouth well and truly shut, and keep any unkind thoughts to myself.
Consequently, I have an excellent relationship with three daughters in law.

Think very hard before ever doing anything similar again, you will drive a massive wedge between you all … oh, and apologise to your future DIL you really need to smooth this over asap or you’ll certainly not be invited over for tea and cake!

I see it as similar to becoming invested into a good drama or tv series.

It may not be real, but it's still either entertaining or full of advice/opinions that might help someone in a similar situation.

When they have kids one day OP, will the newborn be only her achievement? Given all he will have done is spaff some sperm?

You are that MIL and would do well to wind it in

You haven’t made yourself look good here. When they have a baby are you going to congratulate her alone - seeing as she grew the baby for 9 months without his help?

She’s right

🤣 I really want this to be true

Except that he told you her support contributed to enabling him to buy the home. You are conveniently ignoring that.

I bought our first home myself, before DH and I were even engaged. My parents took pains to congratulate us both, and I was so happy because it showed me they valued him and my choice of partner.

Likewise when I carried and gave birth to babies they congratulated us both, even though that was all my effort.

So report it then, rather than trying to act superior to the rest of us.

Yet another post that should have gone in the ‘Please tell me what I want to hear’ section, instead of AIBU.

YANBU to post about it but YABU to delete her comment. Do you often try to erase her in an attempt to preserve your mother/son bond?

They’re engaged to be married, this will be their home, she’s entitled to be excited about it and say that. Her saying that doesn’t take away from you congratulating your son. He may not have been able to afford it without her and presumably she will contribute to the outgoings.

You need to reconsider your attitude towards your FDIL otherwise you might see a change in the relationship you have with your son.

Why ask a question if you won’t accept the answer?

When I apologized for deleting the comment my FDIL told me she was hurt I didn’t tag them both

I think you put the Facebook post up to brag . You wanted people to congratulate YOU on bringing up such a hard working stable mature responsible son. You wanted to reap the rewards .
Just remember a daughters a daughter
a daughter for life
A sons a son
until he gets a wife