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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

1000 replies

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 15:55

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

OP posts:
boopthatdog · 08/06/2025 17:23

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 16:51

i agree I shouldn’t have deleted the comment but yes I feel she is honing in on his accomplishment. He bought the house with his credit the home is in his name. I do worry that later on it will be thrown in my son’s face well this is my home too or god forbid engagements break off all the time she will expect a part of it bc we were together when we bought the house

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why did you feel the need to post it on Facebook?

Why couldn’t you have sent your son a private message telling him how proud you are?

By posting it on Facebook, you’re showing off to your Facebook friends that he bought a house and therefore are also “honing in” on his accomplishment.

midlifeattheoasis · 08/06/2025 17:24

Not the point of the thread but, I just don't get the need to post it on facebook anyway. Yes, you're proud, but why the need to brag about it on facebook?

People don't actually give a shit about whether he's bought his own house. Family members, maybe, but then they'll hear about it when you see/speak to them anyway.

I'm sure you wouldn't be quite so quick to post on FB if he was getting his house repossessed.

The only person who really needs to know how proud you are is your son...and you don't need facebook for that

FarmGirl78 · 08/06/2025 17:24

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 15:58

The house was my son’s accomplishment. It would be different if she put money down towards the down payment or something but she didn’t. Due to my son saving up, having good credit, etc this accomplishment happened. This wasn’t about his fiancé this was about me celebrating my own son and recognizing him

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Blowing out her candle won't make your Son's shine brighter.

CarefulN0w · 08/06/2025 17:26

So your DS’s fiancé has paid bills and rent in order to facilitate your DS saving for a house that is currently in his name. And you are actually proud of him for this?

I hope she knows what she’s doing because it’s beginning to look like he’s taken advantage of her.

MatriarchCaz · 08/06/2025 17:26

You do not like her and your actions have made that clear!

Lighteye · 08/06/2025 17:26

You are very unpleasant. I still can’t believe you deleted her comment! Is this a real story as I can’t believe anyone could be so nasty?

grumpygrape · 08/06/2025 17:27

CoughCoughLaugh · 08/06/2025 17:17

You still aren't getting it though are you? Your FDIL is NOT taking ANY credit for your son's accomplishment. Nor is she trying to muscle in on your congratulations, she is simply stating that she can't wait to live together, which is really sweet! It's entirely different things relating to the same building and an entirely appropriate comment to make! 97% of posters think you are wrong, surely that should be making you think about your point of view?

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Not only a huge % of posters but her son as well and OP still doesn't get it.

Cringy braggy original FB post from OP and then she tries to erase son's fiancée.

boopthatdog · 08/06/2025 17:27

midlifeattheoasis · 08/06/2025 17:24

Not the point of the thread but, I just don't get the need to post it on facebook anyway. Yes, you're proud, but why the need to brag about it on facebook?

People don't actually give a shit about whether he's bought his own house. Family members, maybe, but then they'll hear about it when you see/speak to them anyway.

I'm sure you wouldn't be quite so quick to post on FB if he was getting his house repossessed.

The only person who really needs to know how proud you are is your son...and you don't need facebook for that

All of this.

Frauhubert · 08/06/2025 17:28

Imagine if they have a kid and she posts baby photo, you comment ‘excited to be a grandma’, then she deletes your comment because it’s not your achievement😭🤣
facebook comments are not that deep op! She didn’t try to take a shine off your darling boy’s ‘achievement’, probably just trying to be polite. So cringe 🥲

Lostcupcakes · 08/06/2025 17:28

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 16:00

My issue isn’t that they consider it their home it’s the fact my post was about my son’s hard work in being able to save up money and have enough credit to get the house on his own. This was a solo accomplishment.

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Imagine in a few short years your DIL’s mum posts on FB to congratulate her daughter for having a baby, leaves your son out and tells him where to go if he comments he’s excited for their future 😂

After all growing and birthing a child would be her sole achievement.

You’ve been so unreasonable and need to apologise immediately.

Loub1987 · 08/06/2025 17:29

Getting this activated about Facebook comments is odd to me.

However, having deleted her comment you have fired the first shot. She may never be able to forgive that and you have probably destroyed the relationship with her.

She will be married to your son and likely the mother of any grandchildren. She may choose to have no relationship with you. I hope your petulant act was worth it. To me, it was mean spirited and unnecessary.

FoodAppropriation · 08/06/2025 17:30

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 17:09

Yup! If a mother congratulated her daughter on her own individual purchase it would be seen as just that a mother congratulating her child but because my son is engaged he is no longer allowed to be viewed as an individual in his own rights. And if a mother doesn’t automatically always include them as “a unit” she is viewed as shutting out or not liking her FDIL/DIL or betraying her son’s relationship. A mother is allowed to recognize that her son achieved this on his own with his own money and congratulate him accordingly. Yes I agree deleting my FDIL’s comment wasn’t smart

Show quote history

you know it's one of the occasions about being "right" is irrelevant.

Yes, technically you are correct, but your message was more than enough. Then let it go when she started replying.

You might be technically right, but you are coming across as the MIL from hell.

You congratulate your son, she (AND HIM) decide to show it as a joint effort and a communal home. LET IT GO and butt away.
You're the one who will lose your son. Your "DIL" has nothing to lose, MIL are an annoyance at best.

SuperTrooper14 · 08/06/2025 17:30

Unless I'm misreading the OP, DIL-to-be wasn't taking credit for actually buying the property? She said she was looking forward to their new home, not house, and that it was the start of a new chapter for them. Both those things are true, regardless of who paid for it or who is on the mortgage. They are creating a home together, which they'd be doing if they were buying or renting.

Deleting her comments just makes you seem spiteful and mealy mouthed. I wouldn't hold your breath for an invite to the house-warming! If I were DIL-to-be, I'd be hoisting a red flag for the future.

Onetwothreefourfivealive · 08/06/2025 17:31

Will she be living there for free or contributing towards the monthly mortgage payments? If she’s paying towards the mortgage I’d suggest it’s both their property

Isouf · 08/06/2025 17:31

Yes YABU! Sounds like something a teenager would do.
You just showed to your son's GF you don't like her.
Hopefully they are both more mature than you and won't give it much headspace and just ignore.

ObtuseMoose · 08/06/2025 17:31

ThisFastEagle · 08/06/2025 16:20

Thank you! I made a post not about who is living there but mentioning the fact that my son who as a parent I have a right to be proud of him and tag individually as his mother this wasn’t his fiancé’s achievement. Yes I understand she may pay utilities and her paying rent in the apartment may have helped my son save up but at the end of the day it was my son’s credit and earnings that got him that house. By my FDIL commenting it read as, “hey I’m going to take away from this mother son moment of being proud to remind you hey I’m his fiancé don’t forget me.” But I’m getting piled on simply bc I’m a FMIL. And yes as his mother I’m entitled to have a word with my son about when I feel he isn’t getting the credit he deserves. I don’t want him to feel like this wasn’t his accomplishment. He is still an individual and maybe I’m a bit of an overprotective mother but again let’s reverse the roles and a daughter bought her own house and her mother congratulated her on FB and the FSIL said we are excited for our new home the mother would absolutely talk to her daughter and be like, “hey honey don’t let some man take credit for what you achieved.”

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You sound deranged here OP, she has contributed and made it possible for your son to save. I'd say that means they're both responsible for the accomplishment. You owe them both an apology but I'd bet my life they don't get one.

FoodAppropriation · 08/06/2025 17:31

Loub1987 · 08/06/2025 17:29

Getting this activated about Facebook comments is odd to me.

However, having deleted her comment you have fired the first shot. She may never be able to forgive that and you have probably destroyed the relationship with her.

She will be married to your son and likely the mother of any grandchildren. She may choose to have no relationship with you. I hope your petulant act was worth it. To me, it was mean spirited and unnecessary.

new comment

"congratulations on SON and DIL on their first new home! Am so proud of my son (if you must)"

done.

thisfilmisboring123 · 08/06/2025 17:32

What a bitchy, horrible thing to do.

Misunderstoodduck · 08/06/2025 17:34

For anyone who ever wonders why MIL get such a bad name here is a perfect example.

TheEllisGreyMethod · 08/06/2025 17:35

Very excited for your posts in a few years about how she doesn't like you and you have no idea why.
She will be your daughter in law, be kind and gracious. You know the financial side but the world does not need to know
Get a grip

Wintershealing · 08/06/2025 17:35

Pinty · 08/06/2025 17:10

Why? She paid the rent and Bills so he could save money for a deposit. The son said she had supported him and he is unhappy with his mother's behaviour.

Edited
Show quote history

No she contributed to the bills/rent she didn't pay for all of it going by what op wrote. So basically they shared the bills on their rented place like most child free couples do only he made the effort to save and she didn't. If it were me I'd be trying to save too or at least do everything I could to improve my credit rating.

But then I'd be weary about living with someone who's that poor with money in the first place. We all make mistakes when young, but I certainly wouldn't be marrying someone who's financial mindset didn't align with mine (meaning unless he earns ££££s it would have taken a while to save and in that time she was still in the red financially at the time it came to buy).

Ellinorh · 08/06/2025 17:36

Why are you asking if you’ve been unreasonable but when people tell you have been you’re arguing with them? What was the point in asking if you’re not going to accept the clear consensus that were in fact being unreasonable 😅

Kateb12 · 08/06/2025 17:36

Mother in law from hell you are. I would be so embarrassed of you if I was him.

Addictforanex · 08/06/2025 17:36

When people say” congrats on your new home” - are they really praising the act of physically buying it/ having a good credit rating? I must admit I presumed it was all about the new chapter aswell and not really something that has been “accomplished”. Nothing wrong with her comment, everything wrong with deleting it I’m afraid.

Inthebleakmidwinter1 · 08/06/2025 17:37

Jesus you sound awful 😆. Take a long hard think about how you want this relationship to pan out.

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