AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

Clarify your intentions?? Like, WTF??

You're never going to have a good relationship with her after this, hope it was worth it?

It’s not about not being allowed to celebrate your son.

You are completely missing the point it’s going right over your head.

What she posted took nothing zero away from your son.

What you did by deleting her nice and lovely comment was show how you don’t see them as doing this together moving ultimately as a couple. You’ve put a spanner in your relationship with your future dil and son because you couldn’t handle a nice comment from his partner.

She didn’t try and claim she paid or anything like that. Your just being one of those insufferable mothers who can’t let anything go even a nice comment of joy and love.

I understand what you’re saying, and it was nice to say on Facebook how proud you are of him. But by deleting the comment and confronting your son about it you’ve just upset them both. So the sentiment is spoilt now.

Maybe add to the post a congratulations to them both on their new home to smooth things over.

I bought our first home with no financial support from my now DH. Completely my achievement, worked my arse off for 3 years to do it. If my mum had said or done what you did I’d never have spoken to her again - I’d assume she disliked DH and would have cut her off no question. She would never have done what you did though, because she’s not a bitter old woman with a weird jealousy complex around her kids.

You are going to be the mother in law from hell.

Classic AIBU thread where OP leaps on the precious few responses supporting her, whilst deliberately ignoring the very good points raised by everyone else.

OP it was a nasty, spiteful thing to do. A real dick move, and you sound like an absolute peach.

"And if a mother doesn’t automatically always include them as “a unit” she is viewed as shutting out or not liking her FDIL/DIL or betraying her son’s relationship."

So if you know this, why are you not following the normal rules of society and playing ball to make your own and your son's life easier?

Even if they do eventually split, the unneccessary upset you're causing him now will cause long term damage between you and him regardless.

You deleted’ her comment! Not a nice thing to do. You haven’t done yourself any favours with your relationship with both your son and his finance. Your reaction is very unpleasant and shows a jealous spiteful nature.

You still aren't getting it though are you? Your FDIL is NOT taking ANY credit for your son's accomplishment. Nor is she trying to muscle in on your congratulations, she is simply stating that she can't wait to live together, which is really sweet! It's entirely different things relating to the same building and an entirely appropriate comment to make! 97% of posters think you are wrong, surely that should be making you think about your point of view?

Houses lived in as the marital home are not usually treated as a premarital asset.

You sound like a caricature of a nasty MIL 🤣

Getting visions of a single mum dead beat nowhere to be seen father only child situation…

Stop trotting out the men vs women thing. It doesn't make you look any better. You did a shitty thing from any perspective, turning a lovely shared moment into a nasty territorial battle that you'll never win. Better off owning it, saying sorry and trying to mend bridges than trying to defend it and digging yourself in deeper.

Oh goodness me. Stop this please, all it does is alienate your son from you and makes you look like you have a massive problem. Stop this now before you do what my ex MIL did- congratulating her son (and her son only) on the birth of our baby girl. Using a photo to accompany this she had taken from my social media 🤣🤣. All it did was get her own family slagging her off behind her back and turn my ex against her big time. It won her no fans basically and all of a sudden people could see what nonsense I’d been putting up with quietly for a long time. At the end of the day legally the house belongs to your son. A Facebook post to celebrate them moving in together changes absolutely nothing and takes nothing away from your son. Her paying the bills might enable him to own his own house- it’s absolutely none of your business as long as no one is being taken for a ride and they are both happy.

Think long term. Carry on like this and the only person suffering from it will be you.

Doesn't look like you'll be around long enough to admire the new property! Sad really.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Just to clarify, if this post was about you congratulating your daughter about her house purchase and deleting your FSILs comments about him being excited to move in, I’d still think you were a petty bitch.

I'd be thoroughly pissed off upset if I was her son too.

You need to rethink your attitude as you could lose your son over this!
Deleting her comment comes across as so nasty. What happened to a mum who is just happy for her son and his relationship.

100% this.

Do you have any intention of getting on well with the mother of any future grand kids you may have? The woman who will be supporting your son long after you're not here? Making decisions for him if he's unable to?

You're setting the standard by doing nasty and petty things like this so don't come back shocked and hurt and confused when she wants nothing to do with you, when your son backs off and when you don't get to see the grandkids as much as you'd like.

At the end of the day irregardless of HOW he bought the house, she's not said one thing wrong in her comments. They are getting married and moving in so it will be THEIR home and it will be a new chapter for THEM. The fact you can't see that and that you'd be so small as to actually delete it and then clarify to your son that her home will in fact not be her home and she should not see her home as such is horrible. Also she will be entitled to half the house if they divorce. That's how much this is THEIR house.

I'd also say that by doing this you're actually spreading their financial business on social media. Who are you to tell the world that THEIR home is only in his name, that he bought it etc. What a massive overstep.

Exactly.

"And if a mother doesn’t automatically always include them as “a unit” she is viewed as shutting out or not liking her FDIL/DIL or betraying her son’s relationship."

Well clearly you don't like her as per your earlier post about engagements breaking up and your fear that she'll want to get her mitts on the home, plus your complete blindness to the nice comment she made and being hellbent on seeing it as her 'honing in on your son's accomplishment'. Your self-awareness is through the floor.

No one has an issue with your post, really, although given your subsequent behaviour I'd imagine it was pointed. The issue is that her post was harmless, and you couldn't help yourself but delete it. Either your daughter in law meant no harm by it and you're a nightmare, or her post was pointed and she has completely out played you by making you look like the aggressor and herself look like the victim. Well played. 🙄