AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

Yup! If a mother congratulated her daughter on her own individual purchase it would be seen as just that a mother congratulating her child but because my son is engaged he is no longer allowed to be viewed as an individual in his own rights. And if a mother doesn’t automatically always include them as “a unit” she is viewed as shutting out or not liking her FDIL/DIL or betraying her son’s relationship. A mother is allowed to recognize that her son achieved this on his own with his own money and congratulate him accordingly. Yes I agree deleting my FDIL’s comment wasn’t smart

Here it is, right here:

"He bought it and that was what my post was clearly focused on and then my FDIL came in and said we are excited about our new home basically shifting the focus off a mother being proud of her son to making it about them as a couple"

She joined the celebratory conversation and you took it as her shifting the focus off you and your son. You're singularly spiteful and petty - but you're also incredibly short sighted and don't know what's good for you. Alienate your daughter in law at your peril.

I... had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her.

What does this mean, OP?

You sound like bitch
I feel sorry for you DIL.

I think the OP will be back in a few years complaining she doesn't have much of a relationship with her GCs and that her DIL doesn't make the effort to facilitate family visits.

It's clear you don't like your future DIL, just don't be surprised when she responds the same way.

But it is her home too. Maybe not in a legal sense but she will still be living there with your son and helping to make it a home. He's bought a house which is great but there was nothing in her post claiming she'd done loads of work to get it, just that she's excited. It's just made you look petty and spiteful. I'd be very very careful going forward if you want to maintain a good relationship with her, your son and any future grandchilden.

It's about to become a maritial asset so it doesn't matter if it's in his name only, as soon as the ink touches the marriage certificate, it becomes half hers.

This was very unkind. She didn’t message you asking to be added to the post, or pretend she’d bought the house in the comment. She simply said they were both looking forward to living there, as it will be her home too. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was already a bit hurt that your post made no mention of her existence (even if she didn’t buy it, she’s still your future DIL) or even tagged her. And then deleting her comment has probably made her feel that you don’t like her at all

Why? She paid the rent and Bills so he could save money for a deposit. The son said she had supported him and he is unhappy with his mother's behaviour.

Does anyone know if it’s possible to follow a poster and be notified about their future posts? Because I can’t wait to read the further batshittery.

What will you have to say if they have children? Her achievement in bearing, giving birth to and rearing a child will dwarf any amount of money he might have ever put in.

Yeah, it's a solo achievement of his to brag about if he chooses.

Ita not your achievement. It comes across like you want attention without doing any work. No wonder you assume his fiance is the same.

Can't wait to see you post in 5 years about how they want nothing to do with you and how it's all her fault.

What a vile thing to do.

This spiteful attitude will come back to bite you unless you sort it out. Asking him to have a word?

I assume they plan to marry, eventually have children? Who do you think your son would choose if it came down to it?

Deleting ANY soon-to-be DILs comment on social media would sour (if not ruin) the relationship. Simple as.

Sorry, OP, but you’re the worst kind of AIBU poster. Where the vast majority is telling you that you’re in the wrong but you don’t want to hear it. Waste of time you posting and anyone answering you really!

Why on earth would you post something like that on Facebook in the first place? Your son is probably mortified.

But what you’re saying there doesn’t bear any resemblance to what happened. You congratulated him, she said she was excited to move in. She didn’t detract from anything, she didn’t try and take anything away from him, she didn’t suggest that he wasn’t an individual. You’re projecting all of that on to her comment.
Up to you what you do now you’ve upset him though.

When they have a child and her mum posts congratulating her on having a baby, you’d better not comment on the post. Because it’s nothing for you or your son to be proud of, it’s her achievement. She carried and birthed the baby, not him. So no congratulations to him, remember.

I don’t think you did anything wrong by making the status and tagging him but you made a fatal error by deleting her comment and then messaging your son about it! Of course he’s going to defend her. He sees it as their home. He plans on marrying her.

Not sure if and how you’re going to come back from that OP. They’re getting married. I think you’ve massively set yourself up for failure here. Good luck when grandkids come along. They’re already long distance, what a day to put an emotional distance between you as well!

Well, you continue to think you are right. You’ll soon find out how lonely that position is when your DIL refuses to visit you with your future grandchildren.

Their going to have a baby in a few years OP, are you going to only congratulate your DIL for carrying and giving birth?

You have shot yourself completely in the foot for no reason.

Ew! This is gross of you OP!

You sound quite spiteful, she only said she was looking forward to living there...if you dont want comments then don't put it on social media. Poor woman! You can be proud of your son for buying a house, but this woman is his future wife...you don't get a medal for making someone feel shit.

Mean thing to do. If you didn't want comments you maybe should have just told him you were proud of him.
You're also wrong about it being a premarital asset. If they get married it will be an asset even if in his name.

Publicly crowing about finances is really not a good look. Fine to be proud of your son's achievement but absolutely no need to make that the focus of a FB post. His fiance probably assumed you were doing what a normal person would do, and congratulate your DS on his new home and next chapter. Not tell everyone how clever he is to have paid for it on his own.