AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

OP sitting there in a black veil with a sour face, itemising who paid for which aspect of the wedding, I reckon.

Really @ThisFastEagle some thoughts are best kept in your head, and this was one of them.

How long ago did this happen? Has your son spoken to you since you had a word with him?

I'm so sorry for you, feeling the need to look for fights, when everything was very pleasant

What a strange thing to do....

I hop you aren’t bothered about having a close relationship with future grandkids OP. You’ve marked your card really foolishly and for absolutely no good reason.

Your motivation for your Facebook post wasn’t to communicate to your son how proud you were, because you’ve told him that privately and his partner commenting wouldn’t have changed him knowing how proud you are.

So it’s clear that your motivation for your Facebook post was actually for your friends to know that your son bought a house independently.

And because of that motivation, which isn’t for your son’s benefit and is in fact for yours, you’ve now alienated your DIL, the future mother of your grandkids, pissed off your son and tarnished his accomplishment by causing bad feeling.

And bafflingly despite 97% of people telling you what you did was nasty, you don’t seem to get it.

Absolutely shocking that she might think it was her home too.

Do you think they will both live in it after they get married or just him?

Stay out of it!

I’d never let you see my kids if I was her. Not a chance would I subject them to you

Her saying she is looking forward to living with your son, in no way whatsover takes away your congratulations of his accomplishment. It's simply a sweet add on to the post. It's weird you think it does.

You sound just like my MIL, my husband owned our first house outright as I just didn't have the money, my MIL labelled me a gold digger. We've now been together 24 years and she still thinks the same. I didn't pay anything towards our current home either as I was a SAHM and much to her horror I'm sure, I'm on the deeds. The ONLY reason she ever sees him and her grandaughter is because I insist on it because she's his mother and I think it's important to maintain a relationship. She is always moaning she barely ever sees her grandaughter and wants her to go and stay with her but our daughter (now mid teens) has seen the way she speaks to me and wants nothing to do with her.

So you just crack on if you want to lose contact, your FDIL might not be a softie like me!

I've seen some thick skinned and stubborn OPs but this one tops almost any of them.

If my parents tagged me in something like this I’d be so embarrassed. If I wanted to show off my accomplishments then I would do that myself.

I voted YABU as what a horrible, bitchy thing to do to delete her comment. Even if she outright lied and said it was her financial accomplishment too, it’s still a mean thing to do to delete her comment. Your replies come across as defensive. If you want people to agree with you then you’re in the wrong place.

childish and unnecessary thing to do as well as embarrassing behaviour on your part.

Froth bait. Meh.

Of course you can celebrate your son's achievement but deleting the girlfriend's comment was a really shitty thing to do. She wasn't trying to muscle in on your son's achievement, she was just saying how excited she is to live with him.

It really comes across like you don't like your son's girlfriend at all. More fool you.

What on earth sort of relationship do you think you're going to have going forward after doing something so hurtful?

You do not come well out of this.

Oh u knew exactly what you were doing. U wanted to make sure all your friends and family know that she didn't contribute financially which is no ones business, including yours. Maybe they didn't want this being made public knowledge. How do u know so much about your sons fiancé finances anyway? Which are again none or your business

You I need to apologise for being so bloody spiteful before you lose your son. You sound like a nightmare.

I think you worry about the wrong things, material loses aren’t the end of the world.

You however stand to have a poor relationship with the mother of your grandchildren and damage what could be a lovely chapter of your life. This will be remembered. You’ll gain absolutely nothing from your strop but you stand to lose a lot in terms of love and family, the things that actually matter. If they do have the long and happy marriage they seek then you’ll probably regret this a lot one day.

I say this as a MIL, step back and actually think what you want out of the future and think before you get petty over crap that will be forgotten.

You know. You were saying she hasn’t contributed. He’s obviously happy to have her move in.

Keep digging….. maybe, hopefully, it’ll all blow over…….…?

What an awful thing to do. You seem horrid!

It’s no one’s business regarding how it’s been paid for and you’ve just posted it all over Facebook. Embarrassing! I feel so sorry for your son’s fiancé. Hopefully she learns to put barriers between herself and you. Feel sorry for your son too, to have such an unsupportive parent.

The best thing to do right now would be to contact her and apologise for being a bitch.

You can pretty much say goodbye to any relationship with your son if this is your attitude OP, hope it was worth it.

Can I ask how her expressing excitement about their future together is her ‘honing in on his accomplishment’ (which I assume you mean is a negative thing - as in detracting from his accomplishment)? If you were in person together at a social event and you announced your pride in your son for his achievement, and she simply commented about how excited she was about their future, would you think that she was trying to claim his accomplishment as hers, or would you think that she might simply be excited, or even grateful that he’d been able to purchase the house? Of course, it would depend on tone, which is more difficult to judge on social media, but can I ask why you are so sure that her comment was designed to detract from yours, as opposed to simply respond to it by expressing natural happiness and excitement? Do you have deeper concerns that she is taking advantage of your son? You’ve mentioned fears about them breaking up - has she shown herself to be unreliable or less than pleasant in some way? Do you feel that she doesn’t contribute in other ways? For example, if your son has taken more financial ‘weight’ as this point, are you seeing patterns where he also provides greater emotional or practical support to his partner than she does to him?

And her support means nothing? That she might be paying more towards other household expense to compensate etc etc.

You don't like your DS' fiance and you think she's taken advantage of your golden boy. I hope your DS tells you where to get off and if he doesn't, thoughts and prayers to her as she's in for a horrible time with her MIL.

Edited to add: omigosh, SHE paid the rent on their flat to allow him to save?!?!! OP, you are beyond deluded.