AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

Really spiteful thing to do OP it won’t bode well in a few years when they are married and have children. Things like this cut people deep from family members.

I wonder what people would say if a woman bought a house with her money and the guy she was with contributed nothing financially and called it "their house". I think he'd be called a cockloger!

Being a couple, means you view yourself as a unit. Stronger together, not individualistic. You’re a team of two who are now pursuing joint aims, shared goal

YABU - no need for you to be deleting and then speak to your son!

Also, my teenage children cringe when I post about them on facebook, your son is a fully grown adult and probably wants to die when you post stuff like this on facebook, not to mention the fact that friends who don't know there financial circumstances do now as you have told everyone.

Do you just want everyone to agree with you OP or are you going to listen to the 97% who think YABU? Actually forget that question, you think you’re right don’t you?

Oh OP you’ve made a big mistake here. It’s worth you doing a bit of grovelling now, to them both, to try and limit the damage tbh.

You’ve presumably told your son how proud you are of him privately, so he knew already you think he’s done something amazing and are rightly proud of him. Her comment changed… nothing.

It may have meant some of your Facebook friends assumed it was a joint purchase (though I can’t imagine, not in a horrible way, that anyone would have thought that deeply about it) but didn’t take anything away from him in reality as he knows you know he bought it alone.

So what did deleting her post achieve other than making the point to her personally that you want her to know you don’t view it as her home, even though he does?

That’s a genuine question. What did it achieve?

As ye sow so shall ye reap.
Looking forward to the next aibu when your awful Dil won't include you in the wedding/ baby events / anything, and you're wondering where it all went wrong. Right here, OP. Right here.

Making your post congratulating him on buying a house - perfectly normal.
Deleting her reply saying she can't wait to make a home with him - not normal.
Speaking to your son that it's his house and fiancee is a freeloader - not good.

How much do you want to see future grandchildren OP? If you don't care then carry on, if you want to be in their lives then start changing your attitude pretty damn quick, it's mean spirited and nasty.

Only a cocklodger if he doesn’t do anything to support the household.

Sounds like his fiancée will be paying bills and such just has a poor credit rating so can’t be on the mortgage.

Ugh OP, you're totally in the wrong here.

Ah, always a displeasure to see the unholy combination of nastiness and being thick as pig shit.

Nevermind OP not being involved at all in the grandchildrens lives, I doubt she's even going to be invited to the wedding.

I imagine your son will be telling you where to shove your 'rights' to anything to with him fairly soon.

And he'd be deemed a red flag if he couldn't be on the mortgage due to poor credit rating! 🤦🏼‍♀️

She didn't say it was their house she said it was their home.

Just as long as you remember OP, when they have their first baby, his contribution to the pregnancy was a single sperm, hers has been an egg, her uterus, her current immunity to protect the foetus, her belly, her energy, her stretch marks, her swollen ankles,her saggy breasts,her possible health complications, possibly either a permanent scar on her body or her episiotomy stitches putting her vagina back on track,her loss of current and future income, her financial insecurity if they are not married, ………..

but I am sure your son will step up to be a loving daddy and you , of course , will be claiming the grandchild as yours.

maybe praise your son directly rather than via social media (which is super cringe)?

Maybe by some people. Not me unless he was still racking up debt. People make mistakes when credit cards get offered out willy nilly at 18 hell I know I did. 😬 Takes a while to settle it all out but learn from mistakes.

my FDIL commenting it read as, “hey I’m going to take away from this mother son moment of being proud to remind you hey I’m his fiancé don’t forget me.” But I’m getting piled on simply bc I’m a FMIL
Your post was fine, deleting her comment is why you are getting piled on.

3% say you’re reasonable. Stick with them OP, they’ll keep you company when your son finally stops talking to you.

The op says that his fiancé was paying the rent in their place so that the son could save up for the deposit.

id say he’s more of a cocklodger

i agree I shouldn’t have deleted the comment but yes I feel she is honing in on his accomplishment. He bought the house with his credit the home is in his name. I do worry that later on it will be thrown in my son’s face well this is my home too or god forbid engagements break off all the time she will expect a part of it bc we were together when we bought the house

Be careful that you don't alienate your son, by alienating his future wife

House/home whatever, if the situation was revearsed he'd still be a red flag/cock lodger/whatever else people say when it's a man in that position 😆

Oh OP you messed up here.

not only that you’re doubling down on the mistake and run the risk of making it massive.

You’ve achieved the exact opposite of celebrating your son’s achievement and no doubt created an atmosphere between you, him and his fiancé. You’ve created a huge shadow over something nice for him/for them.

I’m not sure what you were aiming for but I’m sure it wasn’t what this will end up being.

if you don’t wise up and fix this now you stand to make at least one of the people’s lives in this trio very very horrible, I suspect it could be yours by souring your relationship with your son.

I predict further posts from you around how you were excluded from the wedding, the grandchildren, your son’s life…you’ve got around 200 posters telling you you are wrong….time to listen.

Nah, you can keep saying 'I'm celebrating his accomplishment' but you were a total dickhead to delete her comment and to deliberately misconstrue her being excited (because she loves your son) as her trying to take credit (because you're jealous in some messed up way is the only thing that makes sense of this). Your son can see this and had completely the right response, that it's her home too and she's a supportive and loving partner who posted a nice thing. It's all in your head that this is about money, credit, mortgages and so on. Believe what you like, but you've made yourself look very unpleasant and it's not a good look when she'll be around a long time and be the mother of your grandkids.