AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

Anyway it’s irrelevant why you did it really. You’ve upset him, so I guess it’s on you to decide what you want to do about that.

Yup! God forbid a mother recognizes her son a part from the “unit” for something he put all the money into. Yes I understand they will be married and she will be contributing towards the bills and children but my post wasn’t about all that but about his accomplishment which he did on his own. I shouldn’t have deleted his comment but deep down I want my son to feel he is being recognized for his individual achievements. Being part of a couple doesn’t automatically mean all your achievements are the couple as a unit

Sounds about right. This would have been fine if you'd just liked her comment and moved on.

You can be proud he saved and bought a house and it can be their home. This was a non issue til you deleted her comment and rang your son to give him your unsolicited opinion

Fair enough it is your son who got the couple to this position and you are right time be proud, yabvu to post on Facebook if it indicates his house and bot hers, that is their private financial business and when you tag ds his friends see it. Also i would never delete a Facebook comment unless it was an actual insult. Sounds like you offended girlfriend and instead of resolving it you have escalated the issue.

But her post saying she was excited to move in doesn’t take anything away from his achievement. Not as far as normal people are concerned anyway.

And you still don’t get it.

Yes of course you should be proud of him but perhaps think about being a bit more tactful next time? I assume the partner is going to be contributing to bills and taking some of the financial load too so that will also help him in his first year of house ownership? I don't think your being helpful if she is going to be your DIL.

Nice that he's bought a house but it isn't exactly a rare achievement. You're talking like he's ended world hunger or found the cure for cancer.

It was petty, OP.

They're getting married, they're moving in together and you remove simple, celebratory comments. No matter who paid for the house, if you value your relationship with your son you'll need to do better at accepting his fiancee as part of his life.

But he didn’t want to be recognised based on his reaction, so that bit you on the arse.

OP I urge you to stop looking at the handful of posts that (somewhat) agree and look at the many many posts saying why this was a bad thing to do. You are at a crossroads and which route you take could decide the type of relationship you have with your son, future daughter in law and any possible grandchildren moving forward. Try and understand why this was hurtful and mean rather than doubling down and refusing to see that you were wrong.

I want my son to feel he is being recognized for his individual achievements. Being part of a couple doesn’t automatically mean all your achievements are the couple as a unit

I don’t know why you think her commenting saying she’s excited to live with him suddenly means he’s not being recognised for his individual achievements? She didn’t suggest in any way that this is her achievement too? Why are you so sensitive about this? And seeing things that just aren’t there? Good luck regularly seeing your grandchildren in a few years!

You may be ‘right’ but by acting this way all you are doing is alienating your future DIL and son. It will be much better for your relationship if you wind your neck in on this one.
Plus as soon as they we married she will have a claim on the house as in the UK there is no such thing as ‘pre marital assets’.

I would take her comment literally - she is excited. You posted something publicly and she added her own post; it’s how social media works. Unless there are pre-existing issues in your relationship with your FDIL (with prior unreasonableness on her side), then I think it’s a leap to take her comment at anything other than face value. She might be showing gratitude to your son that this purchase has enabled the happy future that she anticipates. She might be trying to make a connection with you. She might simply be expressing excitement. Unless there is a track record of poor behaviour towards you on her side, then I don’t think it’s a reasonable inference that she was trying to detract from your comment or your son’s achievement (as her comment in no way implied that it was her achievement).

You’ve asked for advice, but in every response that I’ve seen have reinforced reasons why you think you are being reasonable so perhaps there is more of a backstory here - I would just be mindful of your future relationship with your son and his fiancée here.

Please say their new home is miles and miles away.

Your poor son and (almost) DIL.

She didn't say anything in the post to imply that it was anything other than his achievement. You're awful - not least because everyone on this thread is telling you so, and you're incapable of self reflection. The worst kind of person.

You’ve made yourself out to be a proper asshole here OP.
I hope you remember this when you don’t understand why you aren’t close with the couple or their children. How unkind to be so dismissive of her.

10 years later.

“my DIL is such a cow she won’t let me have MY grandbaby alone, it’s half my sons you know!! She pops into her mums all the time and she was even at the birth!!! While I only get to see the baby when my sons brings him/her which is rarely as she won’t stop breastfeeding. I don’t understand why my DIL dislikes me soo much it’s not fair!!”

forgetting every time op has done something just like deleting a comment because for some reason the DIL saying it’s lovely to have a home together and future is so harmful to her. I doubt this is the first straw or will be the last it will be when she goes crazy granny.

Well that's what you want but it clearly isn't what he wants so apologise and move on.

Just tell him in person- no need to stealth brag on FB

Oh wow! What an idiotic, immature, ridiculous, pointless thing to do! She said to contradict your post .. what would you do if someone further commented ‘ooh lovely, son & fiancée will be so happy there together in their new home’? You sound bitter and jealous, not proud. You will regret this BIG time when grandchildren come along .. I feel heartfully sorry for you.

Ok fine. Piss on their parade, take the shine off their first home and keep on with this line of thinking, but don't be surprised when they go minimal contact. My pil decided that they'd cross the line with me when we were early in our marriage. Guess who it's had a bigger impact on twenty years later?

Er wtf? What a nasty woman you are

Grow up on two counts….

deleting her message…. WTAF!?

Posting a message of congratulations on Facebook… this is majorly cringeworthy 🙄🙄🙄

You may have started a war here, one which in all likelihood you will loose