Family mocking partner’s speech - AIBU to be upset?

[PReggoDuck23]

Bit of a rant really. We’re on a UK break with my family, just a cottage thing in Wales. Me, OH, my parents, my sister and her fella. I’m 23 weeks pregnant and just feeling a bit raw anyway tbh.

So my OH’s got a bit of a speech thing. Not a full stammer but he struggles sometimes with certain words or says stuff wrong, mispronounces things a bit. I’m used to it now and usually know exactly what he means. He gets worse when he’s tired and it’s been a long few days. We’ve been walking loads and it’s not exactly relaxing.

Last night after dinner he was trying to tell a story and got stuck on a word. Tried like 3 times to say it and my dad and sister just started laughing and taking the piss. Doing voices and repeating it back to him all wrong. He tried to laugh it off but I could see he was gutted. I told them to pack it in and they were like oh calm down we’re only joking. Then my sister said I’m just hormonal.

This morning he said he had a migraine and stayed at the cottage. Might be true but also reckon he just didn’t fancy spending the day with them after last night. Can’t blame him.

I said something again to my mum and she just rolled her eyes and said he’s too sensitive and they’re only winding him up. But I don’t think it’s funny at all. I feel really protective of him and also just really sad he’s been made to feel like that. It’s meant to be a nice time away before baby comes and now it just feels crap.

AIBU to be upset? Should I have said more?

yeah he gets migraines every so often, not loads but enough that I know when he says he’s got one he’s not faking it. he’s had the speech thing since he was a kid, it’s just how he talks. worse in the evenings or when he’s stressed which this lot aren’t exactly helping with

and yeah english is his first language, he was born here same as us. that “english pls” comment really got under my skin tbh. like what are they even trying to say?? just makes him feel small for no reason

they’ve always been a bit judgy about him not being into sport or drinking. like my dad’s always made little jokes about how he’s not “a lad lad” and my sister’s said before that he’s a bit boring. but I always thought it was more of a personality clash thing not full on mean spirited, until this trip

feel like I’m seeing it all properly now. you’re right tho I prob do need to take the lead a bit more, he’s too polite to say anything but I can tell it’s getting to him. I just hate that I’ve brought him into this environment and now he’s uncomfortable in what’s meant to be a family holiday. gonna chat to him again after dinner and maybe see if we just pack up in the morning and head off x

They are going to do this to your child too.

How awful for you both. Your DH for the way he was treated, you for knowing what your family are capable of. I think its a watershed moment tbh. You have to decide whether you're going to brush this away to avoid short term unpleasantness, or stand firm and let them be in no doubt that this is a deal breaker. I'd be telling them that I'd decided to leave. Not DH, but me, and not because of my hormones, but because I was angry and ashamed of them and not willing to stand by and let them behave that way. Their response will be telling, as they should be full of apologies. If they're not, it's tells you what you need to know about the value they place on the relationship with you.

Oh the “too sensitive” comment, said by arseholes when they’re called out on shit behaviour.

So unkind

This. Nasty fuckers.

We, as a family, have a bit of banter and take the piss out of each other, in jest. But we would NOT do this and we certainly wouldn't ever make someone feel crap or take the piss out of a speech issue.

Fortunately we are all pretty good at reading situations and if its obvious someone isn't open to our kind of banter then it stops, immediately.

This feels like bullying to me and your sister saying you are 'hormonal' and your Mum downplaying it as him being too sensitive, WTF?

Your family need to know that they have overstepped a line here and that you have your DP's back. Stick up for yourself and for your DP.

And if your child has a speech thing, will they bully him/her? Will you watch?

Mocking someone for having a speech impediment is utterly vile and says an awful lot about them as people. I would be leaving with my DH. They will blame you for being “too sensitive” or “not able to take a joke” but that is because they don’t want to reflect on how unpleasant they actually are.

Mum of a son who has a stammer that's mostly resolved due to year of speech and language therapy and I am horrified by their behaviour. Stammers are often made worse by being anxious as well as tired. They have made it ten times worse for him in the future and made it more likely to stammer when talking to them. Your family is supposed to be where you are supported and comfortable, knowing that they have your back. He's learnt that they are mean, judgemental and cruel. It wouldn't matter what they chose to belittle him over but anyone who has an ounce of emotional maturity would realise that he has probably had a lifetime of people who make fun of him for something that he can't control. Stammers have no bearing on intelligence, moral fibre or being a wonderful partner. Even worse he can't say how he feels about it or ask them to stop because he doesn't want to upset you, knowing they are your family and he loves you.

To brush it of as a joke, say he's too sensitive or you are being hormonal when you are trying to tell them that it wasn't appropriate is awful. Ask them how they might feel if they had a bladder infection and accidentally wet themselves and everyone at the table saw and made fun of them. Not exactly the same but it might make them think how unhappy and uncomfortable they might feel to have to deal with horrible people taking the mickey out of them for something that they can't control or know when it's going to happen. Hugs to you and your partner and congratulations on your pregnancy.

I'd definitely be having words and saying that they should be treating him with respect. He might not be their criteria for a "perfect partner" but he is yours and going to be the father of your child. Something meant as a joke is only one, if both people are laughing and once you realise you have upset someone you need to do something about it, not blame them for being upset.They need to apologise and treat him in a decent manner going forward.

Your family have behaved awfully. I would be distancing myself from them as they are not willing to change. I would tell them "dh will put up with your insults for me, however I won't. If this does not stop I will be seeing a lot less of you. It is not a joke and not funny"

They’re behaving like ignorant bullies.
I’d be super concerned about this and would absolutely leave early rather than let your partner tolerate this behaviour a moment longer.
There is nothing 'wrong' with or 'bad' about people who stammer. Their brains are just wired differently. Your family have not been accepting, understanding or patient. How do you think they’ll behave towards your child if in future they too have a stammer (it isn’t guaranteed they will stammer of course but there is a genetic factor in why people start to stammer). Negative and unhelpful reactions towards stammering understandably can cause repeated trauma for individuals making their struggle increase and contribute to impacts on mental wellbeing.

I agree your family are arseholes and when called out, fob it off as a “joke”. It’s disgusting. Back up your husband and do t downs xny more time with them. Poor bloke 😡

Your dad and sister are nasty little bullies and they should apologise. Your mum is no better making pathetic excuses for their behaviour

I wouldn’t be speaking to them again without an in person apology from them both.

It’s really not ok. My family used to do this- use” humour” to belittle others- in laws, neighbours, relatives’ partners etc. I think my grandmother set the trend and others followed. It came from a place of insecurity and deep competition with her sisters for her father’s attention. In the end that constant judgemental attitude turns in against you. No wonder your DH had a migraine and if he was faking it no one could blame him.

OP, make the decision yourself and go home tomorrow. Anything less than that will make him feel like you’re capitulating to your family.

They sound really shitty. I wouldn’t put him in that position again if they’re so dismissive about their behaviour.

I agree.
Pack up and leave. They are mocking and bullying your dh!

Awful of your family, who thinks that is acceptable behaviour?

Also, as other PPs have said, difficulty remembering the correct word or struggling to say words properly are signs thar a migraine is starting in some people. When it happens to me I know its time to start taking ibuprofen, drinking some caffeine and getting some sleep.

Your poor OH- your family should do one.

Your family are absolute arseholes.

I'd have packed our stuff and left.

I'm a woman with a slight stutter that is definitely worse if I'm tired or upset. My son is the same. I'm grumpy enough to give zero care about rude comments but will squash anyone who picks on my boy.

Your family are rude bullies.

@PReggoDuck23 Your family are bullies

Go home. Your family are spiteful and nasty.

Your family are bullies.

With a baby on the way, I’d distance yourselves from them now because, if they can bully your husband, they’ll do the same to your child (or just as bad, they’ll involve your child in similar behaviour).

“ It’s only banter, can’t you take a joke?” Said every bully ever… vile behaviour. And they can’t see it and never will. I would have grave concerns about letting such despicable people have anything to do with my child. I would head home and go very low contact. Your poor DP.