Family mocking partner’s speech - AIBU to be upset?

[PReggoDuck23]

Bit of a rant really. We’re on a UK break with my family, just a cottage thing in Wales. Me, OH, my parents, my sister and her fella. I’m 23 weeks pregnant and just feeling a bit raw anyway tbh.

So my OH’s got a bit of a speech thing. Not a full stammer but he struggles sometimes with certain words or says stuff wrong, mispronounces things a bit. I’m used to it now and usually know exactly what he means. He gets worse when he’s tired and it’s been a long few days. We’ve been walking loads and it’s not exactly relaxing.

Last night after dinner he was trying to tell a story and got stuck on a word. Tried like 3 times to say it and my dad and sister just started laughing and taking the piss. Doing voices and repeating it back to him all wrong. He tried to laugh it off but I could see he was gutted. I told them to pack it in and they were like oh calm down we’re only joking. Then my sister said I’m just hormonal.

This morning he said he had a migraine and stayed at the cottage. Might be true but also reckon he just didn’t fancy spending the day with them after last night. Can’t blame him.

I said something again to my mum and she just rolled her eyes and said he’s too sensitive and they’re only winding him up. But I don’t think it’s funny at all. I feel really protective of him and also just really sad he’s been made to feel like that. It’s meant to be a nice time away before baby comes and now it just feels crap.

AIBU to be upset? Should I have said more?

they’ve never said anything about his speech before this trip but looking back they’ve always pushed certain things. like they always offer him alcohol even tho he doesn’t drink and hasn’t in the whole 2 yrs they’ve known him. he just doesn’t like it, it’s not that deep but they act like he’s weird for it

we went out for dinner just the two of us tonight, needed a break and some headspace. they weren’t happy about it, got a few snide comments about us being antisocial when we got back. then when we came in he was saying something to me (literally just chatting to me, not even to them) and he tripped over a word and my sister laughed and said “hope he’s gonna be able to pronounce the baby’s name” like what even is that??? just felt like a punch to the gut

we’ve decided we’re leaving tomorrow morning. told them we’ve got stuff on and need to get sorted before work next week. not getting into a whole argument about it. me and him agreed we’re gonna do some nice stuff together tomorrow, just us, bit of a reset. he seemed a lot brighter after dinner and I’m glad we’ve got a plan now.

I think you should get into an argument about it. You need to stand up for him.

Poor guy.

Glad you are on his side.

Your family are nasty, small minded and vicious bullies. I am sorry that you have obviously now realised it but it's time to make a new happy life with someone who you love and who loves you, and your own child.

My maternal family sound similar. Difference is that my mother (now aged 77) has never quite managed to extract herself from them and keeps going back like a beaten puppy hoping that the next time will be different. I know this is coming from my own perspective on that but I hope you make the break emotionally from them. Your partner, your child and you deserve better than what they are offering.

They need to know why you're leaving or they'll continue to do it. One day in the future you'll snap and they'll be really shocked because 'you've never had this much of a problem before'.
Do you want your child to see their dad being ridiculed by your family?

They are bullies. They call it banter but it isn't

@OP, just wanted to say you and your OH are doing the right thing, walking away. You mentioned he doesn't drink and is non confrontational, I wish I had a partner like him ! Your family need to give you both a break, they are completely out of order. You told them to leave it out and they persist with their sly mocking. Well done for supporting each other, you both sound lovely. Best wishes with your little one

So pleased to see you‘ve had some time alone tonight and can escape tomorrow. The open contempt they show him is nothing short of cruel. It’s also incredibly stupid to treat the partner of their pregnant family member like this if they want any relationship with the baby. After you leave I would personally send them a text saying you think it’s despicable that grown adults would mock somebody for having a speech impediment and if that’s any indication of how they might treat a child you’ll be seriously reconsidering if there is any role for them in your child’s life. Hopefully that’ll cause them to reflect.

we’ve decided we’re leaving tomorrow morning. told them we’ve got stuff on and need to get sorted before work next week. not getting into a whole argument about it. me and him agreed we’re gonna do some nice stuff together tomorrow, just us, bit of a reset. he seemed a lot brighter after dinner and I’m glad we’ve got a plan now

Their behaviour is awful and I'm glad you've decided to leave.
But I think you should tell them why you are leaving and not say it's because of work.
Who cares if it starts an argument.
And do not go on holiday with them again.

Why are people so awful to others. Nasty bullies.

Your family sound rough as anything. What the fuck is wrong with them?

I'd be having strong words if it was my partner being treated like shit.

What a bunch of shits. I agree with others, you need to tell them why you’re leaving, so it’s clear that you won’t put up with it. They know full well they’re being malicious, small-minded dickheads; they just don’t sound like they expect anyone to stand up to them.

I agree. They need to know their behaviour is unacceptable and any more comments on his speech means you both leave straightaway. It's not ok to gang up on him.

You need a long term plan.
To be unavailable whenever they want to see you.

Laughing at someone’s vulnerabilities and not apologising when it’s pointed out to them that this is hurtful behaviour as well as being highly un-funny? I think all you can do is hold firm boundaries with your family. ‘No, I’m neither over-sensitive nor is it hormones to blame. Your comments are offensive and they need to stop or we are leaving.’ And you’ll need to stick to your guns and weather a lot of sulking and flouncing until they get the message, because there is nowt so thin skinned as the ‘only joking’ brigade.

Nice one, best course of action, pack up and leave. Your sister sounds particularly unpleasant, one to be avoided until she learns some maturity, kindness and understanding. Not only her, yr parents also need to learn what empathy is all about.

Enjoy your together time now, I sincerely hope it dulls the uncomfortable recent episode in Wales. Your husband sounds a gem by the way.

Agreed.

If you're trying to avoid a prolonged argument, OP, tell them as you're going out the door. They need to know that their behaviour is unacceptable.

If you can't face up to that, then - as a pp suggested - send a text.

You need to stand up for him. They are bullies. Do you want your child to grow up seeing this kind of behaviour and thinking it should go unchallenged? I know it can be hard (I expect they bullied you too, maybe still do?) but not standing up for what’s right takes a toll too. It seems easier at the time but the psychic damage and the damage to your relationship and soon your child is going to be worse.

Your family are bullies. I’m so sorry for your partner - I would ask him what he needs from
you. Does he want to leave? I would be fuming with your family and I’d be making it clear without a sincere apology and a promise to never behave in such a disgusting manner again, you wouldn’t be hanging out with them.

You should not make up an excuse for why you're leaving. If they're not told how what they've done has made you both feel then they'll keep doing it.

Sorry you need to stand up for him
properly. Have an argument. Tell them they won’t see the baby much if they carry on like that. It’s absolutely unacceptable

Even when I was at school, anyone behaving like this in the playground would not have got away with it. And as for them saying she's hormonal-well obviously she has pregnancy hormones, but they're using the phrase to gaslight her to suggest that she is being "oversensitive"; I'd hope anyone would be disgusted by ableism whether they're pregnant or not.
I'd expect a full apology, and say if they're going to make any racist/homophobic/ableist jokes around my baby, they're not going to meet him/her.

Sorry, but if you go in silence, you are letting them off. They need to know why you are going and why they are not welcome in your lives or the life of your child.

I would do what you have done and just leave. I don’t think getting into an argument with people who don’t see themselves being wrong is worth it. Sometimes actions speak louder than words!

I'm shocked, honestly. I'm over 70 and have been around the block and never come across that level of nastiness

Op it’s nice to see someone sticking up for their partner against their in-laws. It’s the bare minimum really, but many people don’t seem to manage it. I know you’ve not had it out with them yet, but you’re keeping your distance and taken a stance as opposed to pretending they’ve done nothing wrong.

I have stammered sometimes, and like your partner it can be exacerbated under stress or tiredness.

I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone openly take the piss - not even in school. But I’ve seen a few people hide smiles and honestly I usually don’t bother with it as I think it’s more of an involuntary response or even awkwardness sometimes.

But your family’s response sounds awful and very deliberate. Also extremely childish.

When your heads clearer and you’ve had a think you obviously need to raise the issue with your family, but it’s good you’re removing yourself from their company for now.

Good for you OP. And yes, not worth the arguement with them tonight. Leave tomorrow, then send them a link to this thread. No wonder your DP gets stressed around them. I would be going low contact as I wouldn't want them around my child.