I really hate the neighbour’s intrusive - AIBU?

[Refvs]

Just to point out I do believe in not telling anyone your plans before you trying to do something - I know not everyone is superstitious but I 100% believe this. This neighbour who I hardly know has been quizzing me on an exam my child is doing. It’s very competitive, I have spoken to this woman about 2x in my life, the kids play together about a few times a week for not long just bike riding around the block - I am with them every time. Today I left DD for no more than 5 minutes just to let the Gardener is the house and then upon arriving saw the neighbour talking to my DD she then quizzed me who tutor is and what schools we applying for etc. I remained very vague unknown to me she also quizzed DD when I was gone - DD told me when we got home.

I know not everyone is superstitious but this is a big thing for us and I’m annoyed this woman knows so much about our plans when I know nothing (I don’t really care either) about her daughters plans or anyone else.

can someone please help me out this in perspective. I don’t know why I’m annoyed maybe I felt she was intrusive, maybe I feel she’s going to jinx it, maybe I feel it will be competition for my dd or maybe I’m just annoyed that I spent a lot of my time finding this tutor and tried many awful ones till I actually found a good one and she knows who it is. My DD said she asked her to type into the phone the name and address of the tutor and she did find him. I know it sounds petty but I when I was asking for recommendations everyone stayed quiet and I got no help. So these could be the resins I’m annoyed. I sound crazy dont I 😂
can anyone understand how I’m feeling.

??

@Dangermoo that’s so helpful. Thank you. Obviously you post things online that you wouldn’t dare admit in real life do not sure of your attitude about appearing confused

You’re using a tutor for your daughter for a competitive exam, presumably the 11+, and you’re annoyed because your neighbour has been given the name of your tutor and no one gave you a name and you had to find it yourself?

OP, your post isn't clear at all. Could you have another go at it?

I'm not sure why you have superstitions around telling people about a forthcoming exam.

I would however be angry about someone you and your DD barely know, quizzing her on personal stuff. I think you need to have 2 chats - one with the neighbour asking her not to question your DD on personal matters and another with your DD about not telling everyone her personal stuff. Suggest your DD says things like - oh you'll need to talk to my Mum about that, or sorry - got to go indoor for my tea now.

So I suggest you channel your superstition into laying down some boundaries on information sharing

if you’re going for a school that has a lot of competition.. and she has the same plans.., she might be motivated by the same idea as you.. that she really does want the best for her kids? That’s forgivable surely? Don’t we all?? We bought a house in the catchment area for our school.. and I believe people do all sorts to get kids into the school they want..

@PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister yes I think you’ve got it. If a friend asked me I obviously would share but considering this woman hardly talks to me even though I’m around her daughter 3x a week and would never ask her DD questions on what schools she applying for or where she’s getting tutored etc.

You already have some self-awareness that your irritation about this is a bit irrational. Maybe give yourself a day or two to really feel the irritation. And then do your best to just let it go. You don’t really need to anything other than manage your feelings.

I also feel it’s going to be embarrassing if we don’t get in and they know we were trying. Does that make sense?

Your post isn't entirely clear, although I get the jinx gist of it. I don't see how you can feel superstitious over an exam and a tutor. Telling folk you're pregnant before 3 months, yes.

Thank you. I just don’t like she questioned my daughter alone than double checked with me. She’s very cold towards me so I feel annoyed helping her when I will never get any help with anything I have questions about

Well you are entitled to feel superstitious about anything you want op. And besides I would also feel annoyed and intruded upon by this neighbour.
I agree with the pp about teaching your dc to set boundaries.

Think about this rationally. This woman knowing about this exam is not going to affect the outcome - how could it? I mean it - exactly how could it?
I remember my DH saying that he was no longer going to go to watch his footie team at the stadium as they always lost when he did. I said ‘oh so you are such a powerful force in the universe that your mere presence changes the outcome’?!?
The world doesn’t work that way. You may like to keep plans to yourself - that’s your prerogative. But another may be already planning a party in anticipation of success. It doesn’t change the outcome. Really, it doesn’t. And you can’t control others, so while you can keep to your superstition, you can’t expect others to know about it or follow it.

So she's sneaky. Have no further involvement with her. She's hardly advanced much, at your expense, based on the info she's had from your child. Also maybe tell her you'd appreciate her not questioning DC again in your absence.

There is a real issue here. Teach your daughter how to handle intrusive questions from strangers or people who are not entitled to information. Its a good life skill and you, and she, will feel less vulnerable.

Have any of you thought to ask the kids how they feel.
Because it seems its all about what the parents want just to keep up appearance.

I’ve just got a message from her asking me if I can send her a picture of the books and websites I use as my daughter mentioned a few!

Just ignore it, if you don't want to share.

I just feel awkward ignoring it but I feel she’s so cheeky!

Am I being crazy for getting so annoyed about this? Please be truthful everyone without the attacking! I am open to listen

You appear to be paranoid, anxious and easily upset.

The woman is impressed with your daughter’s conduct/behaviour and thought she would find out who tutors her so that her own daughter may benefit.

Perhaps she asked your daughter directly as you appear to be very hostile towards others.

I don’t feel anyone else would react like I am or maybe they would hide their annoyance. What’s wrong with me?!!

Don't feel awkward - you said she's cold and unhelpful. It depends how much you feel this is worth getting worked up about. I don't mean that unkindly. Whatever achievements your kids make has no bearing on your neighbour's kids and vice versa.

That’s just not true, she’s hostile towards me I always wave and say hi but she never wants to engage in conversation. I am the one taking her daughter and my daughter around the block and keeping them safe from the crazy drivers whilst she’s at home drinking tea - if anything that’s hostile not even saying thank you for keeping an eye on my dd

Send her the wrong books, the wrong tutor etc 😅