I really hate the neighbour’s intrusive - AIBU?

[Refvs]

Just to point out I do believe in not telling anyone your plans before you trying to do something - I know not everyone is superstitious but I 100% believe this. This neighbour who I hardly know has been quizzing me on an exam my child is doing. It’s very competitive, I have spoken to this woman about 2x in my life, the kids play together about a few times a week for not long just bike riding around the block - I am with them every time. Today I left DD for no more than 5 minutes just to let the Gardener is the house and then upon arriving saw the neighbour talking to my DD she then quizzed me who tutor is and what schools we applying for etc. I remained very vague unknown to me she also quizzed DD when I was gone - DD told me when we got home.

I know not everyone is superstitious but this is a big thing for us and I’m annoyed this woman knows so much about our plans when I know nothing (I don’t really care either) about her daughters plans or anyone else.

can someone please help me out this in perspective. I don’t know why I’m annoyed maybe I felt she was intrusive, maybe I feel she’s going to jinx it, maybe I feel it will be competition for my dd or maybe I’m just annoyed that I spent a lot of my time finding this tutor and tried many awful ones till I actually found a good one and she knows who it is. My DD said she asked her to type into the phone the name and address of the tutor and she did find him. I know it sounds petty but I when I was asking for recommendations everyone stayed quiet and I got no help. So these could be the resins I’m annoyed. I sound crazy dont I 😂
can anyone understand how I’m feeling.

Are your kids at grammar school? Were you? Maybe you've got to have been through the competitive madness to at lest understand the dynamics, not agree with them but understand them.

I was brought up in a grammar school area. Admittedly in the days before there was all this angst. I don’t think any of us revised very much and none of us had tutors. I went to the grammar school, but I’d have been just as happy with the school that had a farm. It finished at 16, so kids who wanted to do A levels joined us again in the sixth form.

I’m aware it’s not like that now as my niece went through it last year. Pressure on places has increased due to population growth among other factors, but I still think it’s deranged to be secretive, as if this might give your own child a leg up. It amounts to try to prevent another child from thriving. I honestly don’t think that attitude impacts outcomes, but I’m pretty sure it damages relationships. It’s better to keep your integrity by being friendly and helpful.

Incidentally, my sister is so wrapped up in her own work and doesn’t do school runs, so she didn’t think about tutoring until the summer of Y5, but her daughter did very well with a few self-study books over the summer holidays and got into her first choice school.

They crunch the data by age to allow for summer babies, so don’t worry about that.

That’s not great behaviour I agree, but bring secretive isn’t either. Admittedly we’re not in a grammar area, so it’s a different situation, but I have a child with dyscalculia / maths dyslexia and I was lucky enough to be recommended a tutor who we have now used for years just to keep her learning at the same pace as her class. I wax lyrical about this woman to anyone who asks. She’s removed all the fear of maths and worked miracles.

@Refvs I totally understood your first post (no idea why others seemed confused). Im not superstitious at all but I do understand the frustration of feeling that someone is being intrusive, rude, nosy and that their questioning and their knowing the details might somehow jinx the result - or if the result isnt as hoped for then Eeeeek how embarrassing. I get it. I guess the answer in future is to be even more deliberately evasive with your answers and explain why! Presumably she wont be annoying again though until your child is potentially seeing tutors pre GCSE exams so it could be a while. 😂
Maybe you could react by asking deliberately annoying questions about something in her life.........

I agree.

There is a competitive parent at my kid’s sports club. The mother has gone as far as stand behind an object and video my kid doing the sport. It’s completely out of order.

I get you OP, I've had that feeling you have....she's got more information about you than you have about her....she took it from your daughter (therefore 'unlawfully'...you feel 'violated' in some way. Your story in some way reminds me when I was a child some adults would interrogate me about my parents' possessions so as to have an idea about the amount of money in my family, and being a child I didn't know how to say 'mind your own business' to an adult.

Hi
Just as an aside, your daughter won't be at a disadvantage being young for her year as the marks are adjusted according to the month they're born in to account for that (both mine sat it and both August born).
And if she's 2 years younger, there's no competition for a space in the same year so helping them in any way won't affect your daughter's chances.
I do understand the annoyance when someone who is normally distant is creeping round to their advantage, when normally they wouldn't consider you worthy of their time. I always feel like raising kids is a challenge so many are going through and it makes such a difference to all help one another - the ones who are only in it for themselves do stand out!
For me, it wouldn't be worth the energy for bad feeling or confrontation I'd just silently seeth and be distant and only confirm if cornered and I had no choice.
That aside though, I did everything I could to help my daughters friend get a good tutor, get the right papers and support (they were living abroad for a year so it had lots of extra challenges for them). They were nice people, so it's not the same.
But in the end despite odd stacked against us they both passed and both have places, and will start together soon, which is so much better than my daughter going alone.