To ask if anyone has advice on the mess I’ve got us into.

[Littlevioletflowers]

I’m not sure there is anything I haven’t thought of tbh but just posting for a bit of support. Please don’t tell me how stupid I’ve been financially as I now know and am just feeling quite despondent.

5 years ago I moved down to London for an amazing new job with a big organisation. Me DH and two younger DCs (teens)

It really was amazing at first. Loved the job, and one of the great benefits was a shared ownership scheme where my employer, in recognition of the fact property is very expensive here, helps you buy a house by going in 50/50 with you. Our plan was to eventually at some point increase the mortgage so we could own the whole property. Bought an absolutely gorgeous house which felt like a dream after years of renting that cost £600k (this is relevant) so fairly small and basic for London standards but a haven for us - kids can put up posters, paint the walls in the colours they want, we can have a pet and invest in the garden.

Then my boss left and I got a new boss who is awful. I won’t go into detail but I’m pretty sure she wants rid of me and has form in another part of the organisation for managing people out. I’m so stressed about working with her that I’ve actually started to perform badly and make stupid mistakes - I feel sick when I wake up on a work morning, worry all weekend and on days in the office go in feeling so anxious.

If my situation were different I’d just get another job. I work in an industry where there are lots of jobs at my level and when I’m not feeling sick with stress I’m actually pretty good at my job. The problem is that if I leave we have to buy my employers share out (300k) within two years and we just would not be able to do that. We spoke to a mortgage advisor and the absolute best mortgage he can get is is £550k which isn’t enough to buy my employer’s share. We have no access to a further £50k, I’ve tried to think of everything short of onlyfans!

What makes it worse is that our house was recently valued at being less than what we bought it for, otherwise I’d think about just selling it, taking half the profit (as per the deal with my employer) and buying something cheaper, We love our house so much and I really thought it would be our forever home but have accepted it probably won’t be.

I just feel so awful about uprooting the kids and moving again, potentially to a rental, as I doubt we’ll make enough money on any sale to buy again. We absolutely scrimped and saved for the deposit and lawyers fees for this one.

My friend told me at the time not to enter into the scheme with my employer and I just wish I’d listened.

You haven’t done anything wrong. Just try to keep tour cool at work and do the best you can. Is the boss awful to you or is it reputation?

Have you worked for more than 2 years at this company?
If so, it's not easy for them to "get rid" of you and your new boss will have to jump through a lot of hoops ! Meanwhile look for a better paid job and see if you can buy out their share
House prices may adjust further upwards in the meantime

What does the paperwork say on if you are let go? Rather than left? Any difference?

I'd look up what is covered by constructive dismissal.

She’s awful. Scrutinises everything I do. I wfh most days and just dread her messages that pop up without warning where she’ll point a a comma missing on a piece of work or ask me to do something that ends up taking up my entire day. I am thinking about going to HR as I’ve been keeping detailed notes about how she treats me and all the unfair and unreasonable things she’s done but tbh pretty sure HR will take her side as she is very tight with them and I’m not sure if I went to them it wouldn’t go straight back to her. She has a horrible temper and I’m actually scared of her which is pathetic at my age. She’s made me cry at work before in a 121 which was so humiliating.

5 years ago I moved down to London for an amazing new job with a big organisation.

Second paragraph of the OP.

It just said if I leave I have 2 years to buy them out, it doesn’t differentiate between being sacked and resigning. I know it could take her some time to get rid of me but she’s an expert in doing it, I’ve heard her talk about doing it with other people. First a PIP with unachievabke objectives that sets you up to fail followed by verbal then written warnings, then out.

HR aren’t there to “take sides”. If you feel you have a. Grievance, raise a grievance. In all likelihood it will be your boss’ boss considering it, or possibly a manager from elsewhere in the business? You’d need to be clear what outcome you were wanting.

Can you move to another part of the business?

Sorry 😑

If its a big enough company that it can offer shared ownership, HR is hopefully large enough that your bosses relationship with them is irrelevant.
Put in a formal complaint and seek to move elsewhere in the business of that works for you?

I wouldn’t put in a grievance quite yet - I’d try to take control of the situation by asking her for a face-to-face meeting. Try and talk through things, framing it as you both having different kinds of styles, and how can you align things better. (That’s not to undermine her definitely micro-managing you, but hopefully creates a neutral base from which you can talk about how things are working).

I think if I were in HR I’d want to know that you’d tried to come to some kind of resolution before making a grievance.

Good luck. As someone who was managed out of a job I loved, I truly understand how it feels.

I could move job within the business if a vacancy comes up, there are probably 2 vacancies a year at my level. TBH I’d actually move down a level to get out of this situation if it wouldn’t look dodgy to the hiring manager which it probably would. So that’s a possibility though there’s nothing at the moment - no plans to create any new roles afaik but people do leave quite often.

I know HR aren’t usually there to take sides but in this case I think they would unfortunately. My boss is a bully but also has a super nice funny outgoing face she shows the world and she’s nice to the people who are important.

You may not think this is doable, but it can work. Confront her; book a 1-2-1, take things up with her, ask her outright if she is trying to manage you out, ask for written achievable objectives. I had a boss like yours, I had nothing to lose to I very calmly but very firmly confronted them. Backed off massively, now you'd never know they could be awful.

You did what you did with the information you had available. Which was good.

Unfortunately employers do this. Bring in someone new who upsets things or bring in someone new who makes things better. There doesn't seem to be any in-between.

But it sounds as if you are at breaking point. Document everything. Follow up every conversation with an email. Screenshot teams messages. You need evidence of how unreasonable your line manager is. Do not trust anything your line manager says. Then put a grievance to HR. You are far from the end of the line it just feels like it. If you are made to resign because of your line managers behaviour that's constructive dismissal and HR won't want that. One outcome you could consider is a managed move.

Check the documentation again. Look at ways you could possibly sell your house. Contact acas to see where you stand. Just gather facts at this stage.

If you need time off because of this take it.

The good news is you do have jobs you can go for. And I'm sure you are well regarded in the rest of the business.

I've been through the mill with 3 line managers. All people want to do is their job and yet ineffective and often jealous line managers make people's lives a misery.

Your last paragraph is so so true.

Second this

you need to assert yourself as she knows what she is doing

this isn’t her job to behave this way.

so confront her in a ‘professional calm way’ once you have requested a 1:1

keep a log of instances and perhaps speak to ACAS before you have the meeting

TBH I’d actually move down a level to get out of this situation if it wouldn’t look dodgy to the hiring manager which it probably would.

Not if you frame it right - change of direction, want to learn about new area, really excited by the role itself etc. It can be turned into a positive - you're so excited by the role/area that it's worthwhile taking a step down to get a route into this path, and they will be getting the skills and capabilities of a Band Whatever for the price of a Band Lower.

What does a 'horrible temper' look like?

If you think this manager is powerful enough to manage you out (in an organisation big enough to offer that sort of relocation package), then that manager is also powerful enough to authorise the writing off of £50k in order to get you out.

First of all, don’t panic. You are doing all the right things by keeping a record, and some great advice here already on how to proceed.

Secondly, until you have moved jobs or your boss has moved on (crap bosses move on remarkably quickly, I find) perhaps give ‘quiet quitting’ a go. I’ve done it in a few jobs and it is very effective.

Do your work. Do it well. Respond politely to her rudeness. Ask her to perhaps model an example of an improvement required. Keep an almost icy distance. Do not apologise or over explain your work (that alone will probably drive her mad). And then finish for the day at 5pm (or whenever). On the dot. Repeat every day.

It gives you a mental separation from the job and the boss so you can focus on the bigger picture.

We’ve all been there. It’s hideous. But they hate it when you remain calm!

Great advice!!

There is some fantastic advice on this thread.

Obviously, a lot of people have had to deal with unreasonable bosses.

A sideways move within the same company would be best, however you could look for a better paid job. After 5 years in a job I'd expect at least a 15% salary increase by moving elsewhere. How much extra would you have to earn for the mortgage provider to lend you an extra 50k?

Play the long game OP. You've had some good advice here. Don't be bullied out. I know it's awful when it affects you mentally, but you've got to fight this. Find your fighting strength by thinking about how worried you are about the house and she's the one causing that.

Move to the lower grade job to get out of her clutches framing it as a positive as a pp has suggested. Do it for one year then go for higher grade jobs elsewhere that will give you enough of a salary to get the mortgage needed.

Also, if you end up on a pip, the plan has to be achievable, so don't agree to anything that's going to be impossible to achieve. Make sure HR have had sight of it first.