To ask if anyone has advice on the mess I’ve got us into.

[Littlevioletflowers]

I’m not sure there is anything I haven’t thought of tbh but just posting for a bit of support. Please don’t tell me how stupid I’ve been financially as I now know and am just feeling quite despondent.

5 years ago I moved down to London for an amazing new job with a big organisation. Me DH and two younger DCs (teens)

It really was amazing at first. Loved the job, and one of the great benefits was a shared ownership scheme where my employer, in recognition of the fact property is very expensive here, helps you buy a house by going in 50/50 with you. Our plan was to eventually at some point increase the mortgage so we could own the whole property. Bought an absolutely gorgeous house which felt like a dream after years of renting that cost £600k (this is relevant) so fairly small and basic for London standards but a haven for us - kids can put up posters, paint the walls in the colours they want, we can have a pet and invest in the garden.

Then my boss left and I got a new boss who is awful. I won’t go into detail but I’m pretty sure she wants rid of me and has form in another part of the organisation for managing people out. I’m so stressed about working with her that I’ve actually started to perform badly and make stupid mistakes - I feel sick when I wake up on a work morning, worry all weekend and on days in the office go in feeling so anxious.

If my situation were different I’d just get another job. I work in an industry where there are lots of jobs at my level and when I’m not feeling sick with stress I’m actually pretty good at my job. The problem is that if I leave we have to buy my employers share out (300k) within two years and we just would not be able to do that. We spoke to a mortgage advisor and the absolute best mortgage he can get is is £550k which isn’t enough to buy my employer’s share. We have no access to a further £50k, I’ve tried to think of everything short of onlyfans!

What makes it worse is that our house was recently valued at being less than what we bought it for, otherwise I’d think about just selling it, taking half the profit (as per the deal with my employer) and buying something cheaper, We love our house so much and I really thought it would be our forever home but have accepted it probably won’t be.

I just feel so awful about uprooting the kids and moving again, potentially to a rental, as I doubt we’ll make enough money on any sale to buy again. We absolutely scrimped and saved for the deposit and lawyers fees for this one.

My friend told me at the time not to enter into the scheme with my employer and I just wish I’d listened.

I agree with previous advice. I think you need to confront her. She sounds like a bully and you know what happens when you confront them, they lose their power. Tell her frankly you find her overly critical and none of it is constructive.

Go to your doctor and get treatment for your anxiety. See if thst makes your work situation more bearable.

Don't engage in any interactions with your boss, especially written ones that have no deniability, without consulting an employment solicitor first, or your union if you have one.

See to your own mental health, and don't hand yourself to this woman on a plate.

I don’t know if this will help you or not, but here goes.
I was really struggling at university. Everything about school and classes were a complete and total mystery to me - as if I spoke English and everybody else spoke Chinese or Greek or any language I couldn’t understand.
Sverything waa sooo difficult!
I could always go to my Papa, to my grandfather. I was 18 - he was 89.
So I cried to him that I waa sure I was gonna flunk out and my parents would first kill me & then disown me. They were paying my tuition, everything. I was distraught, freaking out.
*
My grandfather asked me one single question:
Are you doing your best?
Yes! I’m trying so hard!
Then that’s all they can ask and that’s all you can ask of yourself.

Do your best, @Littlevioletflowers— that’s all you can ask of yourself. ❤️

Can you buy some video glasses to record meetings with her. Something like this attachment.

"HD 1080P Mini Glasses Eyewear Camera DVR Video Recorder Sports Security Cam. | eBay UK" https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/396391447802?chn=ps&_ul=GB&_trkparms=ispr%3D1&amdata=enc%3A1t3cupMJbRIaFICD7aIBiHA41&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=710-134428-41853-0&mkcid=2&mkscid=101&itemid=396391447802&targetid=2405654676673&device=m&mktype=pla&googleloc=1007423&poi=&campaignid=21697391927&mkgroupid=177203736618&rlsatarget=aud-1415330310908:pla-2405654676673&abcId=10027104&merchantid=5077326229&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21697391927&gbraid=0AAAAAD_Lr1dHmzgmQ6PcmnC-pfbA8O1-Q&gclid=CjwKCAjw6ZTCBhBOEiwAqfwJdwjrs2JoXJS8VgB26Wk86pXiILaikc6jZdkTM72G_LvotuuRL4cbURoCJtQQAvD_BwE

Document everything and tell your doctor what is happening to you at work. Do this in case you need to litigate.
Do whatever you can to earn extra money and cut unnecessary spending. Your dh, too. It may be extra hours, side jobs, new employment. Build your cushion/pay extra on the mortgage. Get youselves into a more financially powerful position. Re-assess every three months. You'll find time flies and soon you'll have enough financial power to make a good, not desperate, decision. And as you keep documenting your boss you'll be prepared to rebut any poor performance reviews, go to HR, or outside legal help.
You. Can. Do it. ✊

You can also get pen, keychain recorders. Ideal for meetings and students lectures for transcribing afterwards. Loads on Amazon.

I think if she were planning on firing you she would have to have a pretty solid case. Unusually this firing wouldn't just mean you lose your job but your family home. I wouldn't like to face a judge in court for that decision tbh, not without some very robust evidence that you were so bad at your job we had no choice.

If jobs at your level in the organisation come up a couple of times a year then I think waiting it out is probably a better solution than HR.

Look every week and apply as soon as one comes up. A pp has given you some really good advice about stressing the positives of the new role rather than the negatives of the current one when you apply.

Let’s say that you have maximum 8 months to go in the situation before you leave if you follow that plan. What can you change to make it better for yourself in that time? Pp have suggested things like quiet quitting, caring less, taking anxiety meds.

In terms of the house I would make no sudden decisions. Try and move role first and build your confidence back up again before you decide. In your position I’d just start trying to either save or overpay the mortgage to give you a bit more freedom in future.

1. If you aren’t already in a Union - JOIN A UNION NOW!
2. Keep a file of all her criticisms if in email all the better
3. Find out if your Company has a confidential support line - Counselling or something
4. Make an appointment with your GP and discuss what is happening at work and how it’s making you feel. If this woman is intent of working you out of the Company all of the above will stand you in good stead for a case against her of bullying, or maybe Constructive Dismissal. You could also approach ACAS and have a chat and see what they say. ALSO: look on ACAS website regarding Protected Characteristics. See if any apply to you. If they do you can make a claim against the Company. Be strong for your family and believe in yourself. This is your manager bullying and you were, I presume, doing a good enough job before she joined the Company. Take care. PS: You need to stand up to bully’s.

this is a risk for both sides - Yes you need to repay them BUT there's no guarantee they will get all there money back on time & if you were to default of the company collapsed they'd be shit out of luck so speak to a financial advisor who can negotiate the contract if you need to leave early but want to remain in the house. Don't feel beholden to them & Do not make yourself homeless at all - worst case scenario they might be able to take a smaller hit (90% returned rather then a 100%) or you'll pay over a longer time period if that makes sense

Op you say early on that HR will probably back her up but if you present the evidence to HR they may be seeing a completely different side to her that they did not know existed. Especially with detailed notes and screenshots.

She sounds a typical Jeckell and Hyde character and I would definitely go HR as they have a duty to ensure that you are not bullied, harassed or intimated at work.

I'd just like to say don't agonise over the decision to buy a house in this form. Remember instead that your employer wanted you so badly that they paid 300k to get you. I can't imagine being that valuable to any organisation! I think 90% of us would have jumped at that deal, and you are still benefiting from it as a family, so let that one go.

I hope that you're already making plans based on this thread. I think a really good work coach is an excellent idea. I've been through a horrific time at work and it felt like it would never end but it did and I'm happy, though less than a year after it resolved I applied for a sideways move which has been brilliant. I do think that is the simplest way out of a relationship which quite obviously she has no skills to improve. That way everyone wins - particularly the company as they don't lose you.

I would go on keeping a diary but I wouldn't do anything new like recording. Just focus on anything that's still good at work. If you can book onto a course or two to have less time under her eye, do it.

If you get access to co-pilot (it’s not expensive), you can ask co-pilot to summarise your team meetings without her knowing. It’s not a recording so she won’t know but it will provide you a record.

One thing to bear in mind: how much more would you need to earn, to get a mortgage for that extra £50k? Is it possible to get a new job that earns that higher amount?

£50k divided by a 25yr term would be £2kpa. Now, I know the sums won't be that simplistic - isn't it usually income multiplied by 4.5(?).

So £50k divided by 4 (for ease, as I'm not using a calculator) is £12.5k. Are there any jobs in your (and/or partner's sector) that could pay £7-12k more than you currently get?

Or you could leave, and spend 1-2 years focusing on exactly what alternative properties are available and what would suit you. It is heartbreaking to give up what you'd believed is your forever home (I've done it, it's hard), but it is possible.

HR very much do have a side.

Agree with the PP who suggested taking legal advice on your situation. Consult a solicitor who specialises in employment law: they will be able to advise you on actions you can take now to protect yourself from an inadvertent error that gives her an in to push forward with managing you out, per your current fears.

Whilst she sounds deeply unpleasant, she also sounds a bit stupid, in that she has been very unprofessional in the way she has written about other employees which is evidence that helps you. If you end up heading towards a tribunal with all the expense in time and money that that entails, the company may very well opt to pay you way more than they would otherwise in order to bring this to a close. It would not look good on her to have been with the company barely 5 minutes and to have exposed them to an unnecessary court case and payout.

It maybe worth speaking to a lawyer who specialises in contract law as it maybe you can negotiate your release on better conditions if it can be found to be an unreasonable contract.

But you must have had some equity for a deposit surely? On a 600k house surely at least 50k?

This might work.

If you cannot leave your job, which it sounds like you can’t, then you have to find a way to work with that woman. Try reading some self help books, on how to deal with toxic people and how not to let it affect you, ‘Let Them’ is a good one. You don’t sound very confident, you sound beaten, you need to regain a bit of control in work. You can do it!

I'm so sorry. That sounds awful. Your boss is a bully. What do your co-workers think? Are they experiencing similar? Do you belong to a union?

We had similar at my old work. There was a series of very toxic senior managers whose management style was bullying. I finally left because of it. One of my colleagues was a taking the brunt of it, but it was still awful being in that environment.

It sounds like it is taking a terrible toll on your mental health. It's really not worth it. Can you go see your GP and get signed off sick? I'm wondering if others have put in formal complaints against her? Don't think this is the first time she has acted like this. Maybe that's why they moved her? Can you ask to be transferred elsewhere?

I wish you the best of luck! x

Don't do this Op 🤣

Op you have had some great advice on this thread. I would definitely seek specialist legal advice if I were you. Good luck.

You haven’t been stupid or silly OP. It sounds like an amazing scheme that people jump at when things are going well. Who wouldn’t want help getting on the housing market. I haven’t read this and judged you.

unfortunately it’s times like this that tie you to the business with the scheme, which I’m sure the company like but when you have a crap boss not so much!

Mortgage Front:
OP have you looked at your finances and could you scrimp and save to over pay the mortgage every month to help bring your LTV up? Have you looked at an overpayment calculator and how much you would own of the house in 2 years etc.

Job Front:
I agree with other PP, put in a 1:1 with this boss and clear the air. There’s no harm if you are polite.

Good luck OP! I’m not judging you in the slightest I feel sorry for you as it’s an awful situation 🥰