To ask if anyone has advice on the mess I’ve got us into.

[Littlevioletflowers]

I’m not sure there is anything I haven’t thought of tbh but just posting for a bit of support. Please don’t tell me how stupid I’ve been financially as I now know and am just feeling quite despondent.

5 years ago I moved down to London for an amazing new job with a big organisation. Me DH and two younger DCs (teens)

It really was amazing at first. Loved the job, and one of the great benefits was a shared ownership scheme where my employer, in recognition of the fact property is very expensive here, helps you buy a house by going in 50/50 with you. Our plan was to eventually at some point increase the mortgage so we could own the whole property. Bought an absolutely gorgeous house which felt like a dream after years of renting that cost £600k (this is relevant) so fairly small and basic for London standards but a haven for us - kids can put up posters, paint the walls in the colours they want, we can have a pet and invest in the garden.

Then my boss left and I got a new boss who is awful. I won’t go into detail but I’m pretty sure she wants rid of me and has form in another part of the organisation for managing people out. I’m so stressed about working with her that I’ve actually started to perform badly and make stupid mistakes - I feel sick when I wake up on a work morning, worry all weekend and on days in the office go in feeling so anxious.

If my situation were different I’d just get another job. I work in an industry where there are lots of jobs at my level and when I’m not feeling sick with stress I’m actually pretty good at my job. The problem is that if I leave we have to buy my employers share out (300k) within two years and we just would not be able to do that. We spoke to a mortgage advisor and the absolute best mortgage he can get is is £550k which isn’t enough to buy my employer’s share. We have no access to a further £50k, I’ve tried to think of everything short of onlyfans!

What makes it worse is that our house was recently valued at being less than what we bought it for, otherwise I’d think about just selling it, taking half the profit (as per the deal with my employer) and buying something cheaper, We love our house so much and I really thought it would be our forever home but have accepted it probably won’t be.

I just feel so awful about uprooting the kids and moving again, potentially to a rental, as I doubt we’ll make enough money on any sale to buy again. We absolutely scrimped and saved for the deposit and lawyers fees for this one.

My friend told me at the time not to enter into the scheme with my employer and I just wish I’d listened.

Thanks everyone for the great advice. It’s such a uniquely horrible situation and I’d advise anyone getting into a financial arrangement like this with their employer to think very very carefully!

Horrible temper just manifests - not always with me but usually only in small team gatherings and can be about someone else - as rudeness, raised voice, going from calm to very angry in a short space of time. It makes me feel very nervous.

I think I’d probably need to earn around 20k more to earn my way into the mortgage we need, which is possible I guess. Problem is my confidence to take a step up is just absolutely shot to pieces.

I would be sitting tight. Then if they want me out I’d be negotiating so I could keep the house. Keep records of everything. Try and keep a clear head and do your job the best you can. I would never let this bully win.

Good advice on here. I’ve managed teams for years and can I ask do you have formalised 1-1s that get documented in a system? Also assuming you have an annual review/grading? Asking as these can back you up if your performance has always been good.

Yes we have 121s but they’re not recorded formally, I have kept notes though. I also have a lot of screenshots that demonstrate what a bully she is where she is slagging off other staff members - when she first came in I think she saw me as a bit of an ally and over shared a lot and was quite unprofessional. Then about a year ago she just seemed to turn and started treating me the way she does now. My last annual review was about a year ago but didn’t raise any concerns.

You weren't to know your boss was going to leave and be replaced by your new horrible one.

Just to add, it sounds like an unusual arrangement with the shared ownership.

Also you say the contract doesn't distinguish between you leaving and being dismissed.

I'd consider getting some expert legal advice on this. It may put your mind at ease.

Second this.

Could you explore options with other employers re the housing?

Do go to HR, even if they are crap you are showing that there are problems.

Sleep with her husband to assert your dominance.

Okay, just kidding.

Try not to let her see that she's got you rattled, she'll see it as a sign that whatever her game plan is, it's working. If she feels like she won't be able to push you out so easily then she may well relent.

Honestly, what a deeply unpleasant and horrible person! Don’t let her bully you out, easier said than done, I know.

I’d also lodge a very carefully worded email with HR, even get a HR check professional to write it for you?

I agree with the policy of dealing with her barbs in a calm and detached manner (e.g. I have noted the absence of a comma in sentence 2, para 4 and have instituted the requisite correction). and never ever say sorry unless you have actually made a booboo.

Some of these bosses get just too big for their boots. She sounds utterly grim.

I also think it is important to present her with a calm professional front. It is like when our children do things that make us want to scream and we just take a deep breath and play the calm parent rather than engaging emotionally and getting into a spat with them.

You can do this!

Can your DH increase his earnings?

How long do you have to stay for - presumably the pay back requirement doesn’t last forever? If it does it is just a loan you have to pay back anyway…

If the property is now worth less do you still need to pay them out with £300k? In shared ownership you get a rics valuation which then dictates what the buy out amount is. Maybe it will drop the amount you have to pay.

If they make you redundant they will need to consider this in your redundancy package.

No possibility of DH earning more at the moment unfortunately- in an industry with lots of redundancies and he’s just hanging on to his job.

Great advice on here - I think I’ve been a bit passive and accepting that she’s just going to get her way and manage me out and hadn’t really thought of fighting back.

There’s no clause about how long I have to stay - just that leaving (including retirement) triggers payback within two years.

Good question - not sure. I will check.

Are you sure about your numbers? Is there any equity in the house at the moment? And is it structured so that you have to buy their share at a £300k (like a debt), and not 50% of the market value?

Although there will probably be stamp duty to factor in too...

It doesn't quite make sense that you need a £600k mortgage to become the whole owner... which might be helpful to look at in more detail!

Just wanted to chip in and say well done for keeping notes/ diary. Keep this up. Echo what others are saying, bite the bullet and confront her in matter of fact and unreactive way. She's a bully. Call her out. Let her know you will not be bulldozed.

If resources allow look at hiring a coach to support you through this to help limit the damage of her toxicity.

Record everything.

You still have options. Don't let her win.

Go down the HR route if talking doesn't buck her up then look at constructive dismissal options.

It doesn't seem right you need a £600k mortgage to buy out your employer.

You say ths house as £600k when you bought it 5 years ago with 50% loan from your employer and a 50% mortgage? Presumably you only need to get a mortgage to pay offf the 50% yoir employer paid - so £300k?

So you need to add £300k to your existing mortgage, which presumably is less than £300k now as you have been paying it down for 5 years?

And others have said did your employer lend you the money or are they a joint owner of the property.

The house was a bit over 600k, and the amount we’ve paid off is minimal - about 15k over three years even though it feels as though we are paying a fortune, because of the interest the amount we are paying off each years seems tiny.

Sorry should have said we rented initially so only bought it 3 years ago. So would need around 600k mortgage now.

They are joint owners of the house.

OP, I’ve not read the whole thread and someone might have said this already - you might be able to keep the house until your youngest is independent (Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996, aka “TOLATA”). Get a free legal advice session with a reputable civil litigation law firm. It’s often hard to force a sale of a property if the occupants are using it as their family home and have dependent children. If you leave your job, your current employers might accept that they should wait some time until the sale happens or you buy them out. Good luck
x