To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

Get up, go to the gym or swimming or
jogging or yoga or for a walk. Come
back and shower

She doesn’t get to stop you going out through her sleep and she should not stop you going out through her need to have chores done first. Have you thought of a cleaner on a Friday..?

Get up, ready and out. If she wakes then she gets the hint to either join you, or use earplugs but at the moment she is being exceptionally unfair. You need to assert your needs and have boundaries instead of deferring to your wife’s needs. I hope that next weekend you have a lovely morning, doing what you want to do, before they surface.

Buy a secondary set of toiletries for the main bathroom and honestly, carve out some time during the week to pick a Saturday morning outfit that you keep outside of the bedroom. It’s lovely that you make coffee for when they wake, however don’t let it dictate your time. My OH makes a hot drink for me and if I sleep in and they go out I just heat it up in the microwave.

Why is everything on his terms? Don't you have a say in how you spend your time?

Go for a walk on your own! Enjoy the peace when everyone else is asleep! DO YOUR OWN THING! Sounds like you are a bit lost, and not sure what 'your own thing' is. This is NOT a criticism and is meant to be supportive. I am struggling a bit, as a person I was carer for has died, and 'my own thing' is something of a mystery!

Really hope you find your 'thing' you're a human being not a human 'doing '

Much love xxxxx

This is ridiculous. You sound hopeless and your partner sounds selfish and needy.

My DP tends to be an early riser, I don’t give him rules on what he can and can’t do when he gets up! He manages to go and use the bathroom, go downstairs to watch TV, or do bits and pieces downstairs like tidy or clean up in the kitchen etc without making any kind of racket, I’m never woken up duly by this difference in our schedule.

Why does your partner expect you to not enjoy your leisure time just to keep her happy?! So awfully selfish, I couldn’t stay with someone like this.

I voted YABU because you’ve just given in to the situation rather than trying to solve. Get up and go and do what you want, when you want for goodness sake.

you just sound so totally disempowered OP

I say in the nicest possible way - you have one life, get a grip! Take control!

If you want a lovely day in the sunshine, organise one - just get up and go out and don't let sleeping people or hoovers get in your way.

literally plan for the next weekend to do something different and do it.

you could get hit by a bus tomorrow - enjoy your life!

Your current weekend schedule does sound annoying and like you don’t make the best of the time. I would suggest you get up and use the time the others in your household are sleeping in to do something just for you. If it was me I would do early yoga then meet a friend for a walk and a coffee. But whatever suits you I say do it.

Then whatever happens later in the day still happens but you won’t care so much.

Just do what you want. This is ridiculous and he isn’t the boss of you!!

Get your partner a pair of earplugs and tell him to like it or lump it. You're going out on a Saturday morning to enjoy the day and will be back at lunch time to do the chores, then switch things up one weekend watch tv then next go out and do something you prefer. Why should it all be his way?

Some days I need to leave for work soon after 5am. Don't like waking children as they would then be up for day.
I leave my clothes in downstairs bathroom get up get ready down there quick and out door.
Try it can really do it silently, if you going walk not much to think about clothes. Once comfortable.
You can get a coffee or breakfast while out too.
Bring back a coffee & pastry for your wife to have when she wakes up.
Try it next Saturday.
If it happens she ends up getting up earlier too as a result that a win as the cleaning jobs will be done earlier.
Other option arrange for a cleaner to come on Friday while you all at work nothing then to do on Saturday but enjoy the day.
Good luck !

@TellMeWhyIHateSundays I am a teacher. I leave the house at 7am to do before school drop off. I leave work at 5pm I do pick ups. Husband cooks and cleans but by the time LO in bed and I’ve done my work it’s easily 9pm.

I totally get what you mean about preparing you stuff the night before. It’s the weekend, you don’t have to think, no one is asking you a million questions, you don’t want to have to prepare the night before. You want to leisurely get ready but before mid morning.

I would absolutely hate lying around. I get bored after 30 minutes. You need to compromise maybe? Or get a cleaner.

dp needs ear plugs

Ugh to be honest that level of neediness would give me the ick - you must be there when she wakes??

How ridiculous

If a woman wrote on here that her male partner didn’t let her make any noise, made her stay at home because he couldn’t.be by himself and made her be available at all times to bring him a coffee as soon as he woke up, she would be told he was controlling and to LTB.

OP ever thought you might be in a coercive relationship?

I love getting up early on a Saturday morning while everyone else is in bed still.

I have a quiet half hour to myself with a coffee and then I get the washing on polish hoover tidy do the bins hang washing out etc jump in the shower and go for an early walk and grab a coffee all before anyone else is up

its bliss

op put some clothes and shoes downstairs,scrape your hair into a bun and go out for an early morning walk

put the washing on the night before and program it so you can hang it out when you get up,

Just say that Saturday mornings are when you do your walk n cafe breakfast

time from now on (it whatever you choose to do). Bring DP a coffee back on return.

You are allowed to get up and start your day before your husband wakes up you know?!

maybe put some clothes ready downstairs if you don’t want to wake him

Lying in bed without moving waiting for him to wake up is madness! Not being allowed to do anything fun is madness

the whole thing sounds awful 😢

weekends can be fun, you can do what you like, not just (literally) tiptoe around DH

Why is he in charge?

You would be better off single. See how your weekends are then.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. You are your own hostage. Decide to keep this selfless schedule and not resent it, or put yourself first in the weekend morning and bring her home a lovely cuppa from a vender in route.

You sound like her nanny and house keeper. Not a husband.

I’ve felt this way too, you chose a partner to share life with and if you have to spend so much time on your own you start to question the point of the relationship. I have got happier doing things on my own and will take myself off to do some exercise whilst the rest of the family sleep but when I come back if they’re still not up after about 8:30/9 then a bit of noise is fair game. Someone in the neighbourhood will inevitably be doing some DIY so I’m damned if I’ll be quiet. I completely resent doing chores at the weekend these days so try and squeeze some stuff in during the week or last thing on a Sunday but I won’t have it spoiling my opportunities for getting out. If it’s a nice day and they want to behave like vampires then stuff them, I’ll put in some headphones put on a podcast and go off for a walk. Have you got a garden? Perhaps some pottering outside will help you feel like you’re getting out even if it isn’t quite what you expected.

He is a she.

Your partner sounds controlling. She shouldn’t get to dictate how you spend your weekend.

As a doctor, what would you say to one of your patients who told you that their partner was in effect preventing them from getting much needed exercise, sunlight, relaxation at the weekend?