To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

Sounds like it’s all about your dh and his wants and needs

He wants a lie in, so you can’t get ready and go out
Can’t use the ensuite
Cant crack on with the housework
He wants to do the housework when he gets up, so;
You can’t go out and do things you want to do
He wants to watch tv so you have to fall in line.

Sounds like you need a bit of give and take. He wants a lie in, that’s fine, but if he does so then you have family time when he wakes up and housework gets pushed back to the evening.
He wants to watch tv on an evening, so you do that on Friday and you go out and do something Saturday evening

You need to push back on somethings op otherwise you’re just having to fall in line and do what he wants

You sound unbelievably wet. How do you manage to function .

He wants you to do things together but only things he wants to do at times he wants to do them?

Problem doesn't seem to be the weekend...

Exactly this!
Just get up, get dressed, do your morning stuff (brush teeth, get dressed, do make up, coffee/tea, eat) and go out for a walk, meet a friend, go for a bike ride.
Who says you have to sit at home wait for your DP to get up and do everything the way he wants you to?!
If he doesn’t want to get up then him and DD can do the chores! As a doctor, you have enough on your plate, you deserve a good rest and to do things you like to do, BUT it’s up to you to make it happen!
You are clearly a very capable person professionally so don’t allow your partner to treat you this way! It’s ridiculous, it’s not on, do not allow it, it’s up to you to stop it and live your life so you can do self care! You can’t give from an empty cup and you need to make sure you look after yourself!

Oh just join local Ramblers group. They are a great bunch everywhere and you get lovely walks lead by somebody who knows the routes. I have been a Rambler for years - joining was the best thing I ever did.

For God’s sake stop pandering to her. She can get her own coffee. Too bad if she doesn’t like being on her own. She’ll just have to suck it up. Why are you letting her dictate everything?

Could not agree more. I was honestly stunned anybody would accept this behaviour from a partner. It’s bonkers to put up with this.

Honestly this is all bonkers to me. Your DP being a light sleeper is HER problem. She could get ear plugs. As long as you are not hoovering at 7am you should crack on! Get dressed, make a coffee, go out for a walk.

And you need to hang about to take her a coffee?! Yeah sure if you’re up and in the house, make a coffee now and then. If the routine is so set in stone you can’t go out, that is not normal mate. What is going on 🤣

I voted Yabu as it's your choice not to get dressed and go out, you are able to go for a walk, go to a cafe on your own etc or make a day out and visit family.
Have a word with dp and say you can't keep doing their routine you want to try yours for a change (get up go out in the morning).
If they're unwilling to compromise you have a dp problem.

TO MAKE HER A COFFEE no less! Wtf.

Ahem DW problem.

Your partner sounds very clingy and quite dreary. Tell her that you will do jobs around the house, you just want to do them at a different time than she would prefer. In fact, show her this, by doing some, so she doesn't feel like you're just trying to get out of it.

If she's such a light sleeper, then she should take a bit of responsibility and get earplugs.

And meet up with friends or family or go out by yourself. You're an adult, for heaven's sake.

Not AIBU and I had to do a double take and check I hadn't written this post myself!! Soooo fed up of waking up at 6 a.m.and having to wait HOURS for anyone else to wake up too. And then not wanting to do anything at all ........... what a waste.

I totally agree with this!

Just get up and go. You don’t need permission from your dp.

A proper loving partnership should take the needs of both sides in to account. This is all far too one-sided.

My husband like playing xbox in the basement at the weekend whilst I like days away, getting into the fresh air, doing things. I just do my thing and he does his. I always find it strange when people have to do things together all the time. I couldn't do box sets during during the day.

You're being unreasonable to allow yourself to be micromanaged like this. You are an adult woman and a qualified doctor ffs. You make major decisions about people's health on a daily basis. And yet, you allow your husband to tell you when you are allowed to shower? Tell him to buy some earplugs and go out and enjoy yourself!

It doesn't sound like weekends are the problem, it is incompatibility with DP and DP being a control freak.

Wth? for starters your a grown adult, nothing is stopping you getting dressed and going out for a walk by yourself, secondly, what do you mean you cant make any noise using the bathroom as your dp is a light sleeper so dont want to wake them up? you say your a doctor so obviously intelligent, surely you can see that set up doesn't sound very healthy at all..and you sit there watching box sets you dont enjoy to keep them happy? speak up for yourself for goodness sake..sorry dont want to sound mean but your post sounds ridiculous!

I appreciate that you like to do things together at the weekend. From the sounds of it, it is just what your DP likes that is being done at the moment.
Reclaim your space - decide during the week what YOU are going to do first thing Saturday morning. Some ideas: Go for a walk, treat yourself to a nice coffee or breakfast out - alone or with a friend or relative. This way, you get some benefit from the weekend that is yours. It gets your weekend off to a happy start. I would not worry too much about disturbing anyone at home when you are getting ready, because people who want a lie in will go back to sleep and still enjoy their time. Maybe as a shared event with DP you could go to the movies, or have a movie night in - rather than mindlessly watching boring tv. As for 15 year old DD, give her space, they have a lot going on at that age.
Lastly.. if DP wants to do the chores before anything else - yippee! Make sure you are still out of the house for that 😏

Honestly I don't see why you can't just get up and go for a walk first thing? Surely you can just grab any old clothes and head out. Have a shower etc. after your walk?

Make proper plans before the weekend. Weekends aren't the problem, your lack of planning is.

Get up, sling some old clothes on and go for a walk or for a swim, sod them. When they see you aren’t waiting around for them to move they might get up earlier to join you! I take advantage of weekend mornings by grabbing a walk in woodlands near me and the. Taking my book to a cafe and reading for an hour. It’s my time to relax and do something for me, then when I get home I can do the housework and know that I haven’t wasted the day (also an NhS worker - pathology!)

Your DP sounds controlling as hell. I'd be miserable too in this scenario.

Why oh why are you planning your day around the time your DP chooses to stir? Just get on and live your life.
I bet as soon as you're up, out and doing something you enjoy your DP will be wanting to know what you're up to or will have FOMO and will get up earlier!
She probably thinks you're enjoying "chilling" or "pottering" at the moment.

Op, I know where you are coming from, have been in the same situation.

My way to deal with it was to say that I respected very much they wanted a lie in on the weekend but that I was going to find something to do while they were at it.

I started meeting friends for breakfast, on the idea that we could be back before the teens woke up. 10 years later we are still meeting for breakfast at 8:30 even when the kids are away at uni!
On other days I just went for a walk on my own, sometimes to the beach even when there is no beach near me, always managed to catch the best light and weather and was back before DS and DP were ready for the day. I still resented it but… I didn’t feel like punching them for wanting to stay in all day long!

Now, if you ask me if we are still together… nope. I got tired of trying to get an adult out of bed for so many years, I hated being forced to watch shit TV to keep him company… at some point I realised we have grown in different directions and were no longer compatible.

You seriously need to take control of your own time. I would be going out for a walk and coffee by myself. If your dp doesn't like being alone they can get up earlier! You are not happy with the current arrangements but also don't seem to want to alter anything.