To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

You’re absolutely not selfish, that’s selfish care! 💓

Same and 💯 agree!!

The OP has said they're a man. The partner in the "shit pit" is a she.

I find the partner way too controlling honestly OP. When in a relationship you want to bring the best out of each other and support one another. I would not find it ok for my partner to control what I can or cannot do in my own house.

Use the main bathroom as your main bathroom if you can't be bothered moving toiletries over. Or just keep another set of toiletries and towels for that purpose.

Go for a morning walk/gym and breakfast outside. Read the paper, book or magazine at the cafe and come back. Your partner can handle being "alone" for an hour or so.

Lots of people have offered practical solutions here but I reckon that you may be just dissatisfied with life more generally.
You are clearly an intelligent, professional person so it can’t just be about not being organised enough to pop a few bits of clothing in the bathroom the night before.

Must admit, I’ll feel frustrated if I had to tip toe around my house until noon on weekends. Your husband sounds pretty controlling and selfish from an outsider position but only you will know if these labels fit him.
When he gets up eventually, do you genuinely share the chores that need done? Or are you doing most of it?
Does he know that watching telly bores you and it’s not how you’d choose to spend your time?

I think you need a proper sit down with him to explain your frustrations. You share a life together, it needs to work for you both.

Presumably you also have a family bathroom so I would get my clothes out and ready the night before and sneak out using the family bathroom to get ready and take yourself off for a lovely country walk in the woods somewhere. I would also love this, it sounds idyllic. Will take yourself off somewhere for a nice coffee in the sunshine with a good book. Your job is very demanding and so you need this downtime at the weekend. You need to find ways to make it work for you.

I voted you’re not being unreasonable to want more from weekends, but you are being unreasonable to just do what your husband wants.

He’s a man. His partner is female, but you’re right.

This is absolutely crazy. You can't go out and do anything because she doesn't like to be alone and you need to be there to bring her coffee?

I'd hazard a guess that there is little or no sex in the relationship if you're pandering to her in this way?

This!

How long has this been going on? My ex used to wake up at 5am to train and be away from home til noon, I didn't love it, but it was his life and made him happy.

It's ridiculos that you're forced to stay in bed doing nothing for hours and hours. Are you at least allowed downstairs?

If you MUST stay at home, I'd take up reading. 2-3h of a good book with a coffee (if you're allowed one!) on a Saturday morning is rather lovely.

Really though, ignore her wishes, go get your hiking gear and climb a hill, feel happy and alive. Get back for 10-11. If she's annoyed, tell her how you feel, that being forced to stay inside the house makes you feel trapped, physically unwell etc. Have an actual conversation about her controlling tendencies, and how everyone having to follow her schedule is crazy.

Talking about time together, were tere things you both used to enjoy when you first met? What did you used to do?

Maybe organise something with her, such as an amazing meal out, a cinema visit (if she loves tv), going to the theatre, a city trip?

I used to be with someone that loved watching tv all the time. It didn't last long.

With highly stressful jobs, you both need to take care of your mental health and unwind, have something fulfilling in your life. I'm not sure what kind of doctor you are, but surely you know that a sedentary lifestyle with hours of screentime does absolutely nothing for your wellbeing.

There are definitely things you can do that you don't need to shower for - find your local park run, join the local tennis club or park league. Then go home and have a shower at 10.
My husband also relaxes by watching TV (loudly), so I understand that frustration, but there are compromises you/he could make. Once a month, he gets up early and you go on a day trip or for brunch. Brunch isn't even that early!

This

Why does your partners needs trump yours? You can very easily do things, you can get dressed and leave the house and do your own thing. The same way they choose to stay in bed and do their thing..

@TellMeWhyIHateSundays what are your thoughts on the many posts?
Are you afraid to do your own thing?

Really annoying that the OP hasnt returned.

I meant SELF CARE!! 🤪

My OH watches endless rubbish tv and sports, what a waste! I go out on solo walks or meet with friends.

I’m in a similar situation to you so I’ve started to get everything I need out the bedroom the night before so I can get ready and get out for a few hours. When I get back I’ve had a nice time and DP is up and ready to do whatever for the rest of the time. I’d also suggest planning what you’re going to to do rather than leaving it to the day. Good luck. And enjoy your volunteering!

go for a walk or do the jobs while hes asleep!!! If he’s that light a sleeper it’s tough shit

As someone who's partner is a late riser I have some sympathy. I like to get everything done early doors and start to wind down around 5pm which is when he's ready to start doing something like clearing the loft. I used to tiptoe around him, but we now live in a semi detached house and our neighbours are up early, so you can hear the water running for showers etc from early in the morning. He used to moan to me about it quite often, so I suggested he go to bed earlier. Of course he doesn't, which is his choice, but he's had to accept he'll get a less decent night's sleep as a result. If he wants me to not make a noise emptying the dishwasher etc, he can always organise himself to do it the night before.

I would just go for a walk by yourself to start the day. Do you necessarily need a shower before you set off? I normally shower the night before and shower later on in the morning after I've walked the dogs. If you're partner is upset you went out without her, then she needs to get up earlier if she wants to join you, it's as simple as that really.

I would do things without DP, do what you want to do. My kids are 14 and 11 so I generally let them do what they want to do, unless anyone has a suggestion

The post sounds more like you are like a wet weekend. . I think your wife organises everything. Go out early, come back refreshed, take charge for once and organise a surprise day out and get out of the rut.

The same applies either way.

Aw mate I feel for you. My hubby just cracks in with stuff at the weekend. He is up early every day for his work and the weekend is no different so he just does some jobs while I'm snoozing. I certainly would not be expecting him to sit patiently and wait on me waking and then doing all the jobs before enjoying the day. If her standards are that high let her crack on with it. You go out and enjoy your walk. Maybe join a walking group or something that runs on the weekend and then you have a reason for being out. Im sure her majesty will manage to get her own coffee and watch her shows on her own. 😂

This is beyond controlling from your partner - is this really the case, or are you extremely polite and people pleasing?

The person who stays in bed puts up with a reasonable amount of noise. From 9am the noise levels should be go about your business levels.
The person who stays in bed doesn’t dictate when the ‘jobs can start’. That’s incredibly rude.
You could go out while they are asleep by preparing the night before and just doing it.
Group activity cleaning is also awful - do it when you like. It’s not ok to work in the week and then skivvy life to order every weekend.
Does your DD help btw?