Friend in a mood with me because of comment I made at dinner

[Mall03]

Out with friends last night - one has been travelling so I’ve not seen them for over a year. She asked me why I’m not on Instagram anymore; I replied I turned 30 years old and grew up - she laughed.

Another friend who was present (and uses IG) said my reply was rude and that I insinuated anyone over 30 who uses IG needs to grow up.

That’s not what I was saying (although I do find it all a bit cringe these days if I’m honest!).

Do you think my reply was inappropriate or did my friend over react?

It absolutely isn't just about posting pictures of yourself. You can do that if you wish but there is so much more on there. Use the search option for any subject you are interested in and you will find lots of things that may help/ inspire you.

It really isn't.

I don't actually know myself but that was a selection of the things pp commented saying they use Instagram for!

I don't think anyone needs Instagram 😅

You may have outgrown Instagram, but you still have some growing up to do if you can't see that you were rude (ridiculous).

I'd be willing to give it a go. A lot of what I do is self learning, books, and the community elders but I'm not against using Instagram as a tool.

Personally I've never been into social media so I just genuinely don't know, need is yes a strong word but I'm always willing to improve my skills. By the time I'll be a grandma I'm going to be pro at these skills 😂 hopefully!

I'd never have said these three hobbies of mine would be on Instagram though, naively thought it was more "look what I'm doing" rather than "share and teach skills".

I agree with @Mall03 . Not a question of age though, rather maturity and degree of narcissism/exhibitionism.

I don't understand why people who don't enjoy something can't just say "it's not my kind of thing" rather than sneer and insult anyone who does enjoy it.

Nobody needs Instagram in the same way nobody needs Mumsnet or a TV.

I use it for mainly sewing and knitting content (often older women like myself), gardens, friends' holiday photos and dogs - lots of dogs because I keep clicking on them and it's the algorithms. Also a few quirky things like Ladybird books, modernist estates and old photos of Leeds (I have no connection with Leeds). No pouty poses or people's dinners whatsoever.

I think your friend needs to relax and appreciate that people can have different opinions and stay friends. I am 64 and find my friends of all ages fall onto a spectrum regarding SM as well as online banking, buying tickets and using tech when travelling, paying with phones or watches etc. It isn’t even age related as there are youngsters who won’t or can’t use technology as well as old folk who have never learned. Personally I love it, DH and I over share wildly to the annoyance of our DC 😂

I 'd never have said these three hobbies of mine would be on Instagram though, naively thought it was more "look what I'm doing" rather than "share and teach skills". You would be pleasantly surprised then.

Nothing more cringe than the people who obsess over turning 30 and think they need to change their entire life.

Think you were obviously quite rude. Clearly she uses IG and last I looked, there was no age limit. I find it quite useful to keep up with an ex-colleague and family, I just view their pictures or reels. Telling someone you’ve stopped using something because you grew up is really patronising.

I'm 50 and have had years of 'why aren't you on Facebook/Instagram/Tiktok' or whatever the latest is. I always respond simply that it's not for me. There is no reaaon to be rude or condescending about it (whatever my private thoughts might occasionaly be)

I'm in my 60's and use IG for health and wellbeing....you know you were rude, that's why you've not come back to the thread!

Turning 30 is barely starting in life from my elderly point of view 😂.

Your comment meant you think people over 30 who use the app are immature.

People writing about the long out of style 'duck face' and selfies are showing that's the content they see because they like it. (Algorithm)

I'm in my 40s and my favourite is TikTok, the algorithm shows me fantastic content 100% relevant to me.

Must admit I do enjoy looking at photos of artistically arranged bowls of granola (item: I do not eat granola).

But I thought that was rather a sign of what an old gimmer I am, rather than youthful immaturity.

I'm 57 and I'm on insta (though mainly to keep up with my daughter and her friends who all keep adding me for some reason 😂)

It also enables me to keep up with news from my local football club and a few other things I'm interested in.

I don't post pouty selfies or pictures of my dinner.

IMHO if you know your friends are still on IG, they’ll have taken it as judgemental, insulting and superior. It suggests that no one over 30 (or who’s mature) should be on it, rather than giving your reasons. And it’s not even accurate - people of all ages are on IG. Why’s that bad?

Would have been better to say something like: “I find it all a bit vacuous and juvenile these days”. Or “I don’t have time for it any more”. Always best to focus on your reasons, rather than what you think people in general should do.

However, your friend sounds pretty sensitive. I’d have let that go. Best to respect others’ opinions. If a friend of mine said they thought IG was for young people, that’s fine. They’re entitled to their opinion. Most of my friends aren’t on any social media. Who cares? To each her own.

It’s probably the modern day equivalent of your granny teaching you something.
My daughter (20’s) learnt to crochet by following someone. Okay she crochets little skirts and bikinis rather than a blanket for the bed, but I assume it’s the same technique.

Your reply was blunt. But if she knows you at all, she will be aware that you have a tendency to reply in this manner.

I think it's fine. If she's in a "mood" about it she is essentially behaving like a teen anyway.

YABU - rude and snarky for no reason, there’s nothing wrong with using Instagram at 30 years old

Thank you, when I have a moment I will definitely check it out. I feel the instagram I knew when it first came out is much different to now!

Yes it's a bunch of differently named ways of crocheting - I don't even know what half of its called tbh I look at a "recipe" for making a toy and it gives a list/symbols of what you need to learn - then I ask around or check my grandma's book or youtube 😂 but you can make loads of different things. It's a nice hobby, I took it up because my youngest wanted crochet toys and idk if you've seen the prices of those pokemon ones etc so I took it up and find it relaxing when hanging out at kids training etc i just crochet. People aren't even offended if you do it whilst chatting to them so i love it.

You're allowed to have an opinion, OP (FWIW I share yours about Instagram) and to voice it. If your friend is so insecure that she finds it rude or offensive — well, there are always better friends out there. I hate this thing where people try to disapprove of or shut down people who hold different views, it's very unhealthy and authoritarian. How can you be friends with people if you spend your entire time concerned that they might take offence at something you say?

It was just a comment and those over 30 on IG taking it personally need hobbies or directing their indignation at bigger things, outside their own bubble. (And to laugh it off and just own that they do IG or whatever because THEY like it & it works for them. So what, if someone like OP or anyone else are past it? This is firmly in the category of “don’t fucking sweat it” on either side of the clumsy comment).

Not the most elegantly reply to your friend, granted, but not something I think you need to apologise for, and not I’d give a 2nd thought if I were the recipient of the comment (50 & on IG - and happy to own my choices, preferences and doing what I bloody like, don’t really care what others think of it, respecting others doing the same :))