Friend in a mood with me because of comment I made at dinner

[Mall03]

Out with friends last night - one has been travelling so I’ve not seen them for over a year. She asked me why I’m not on Instagram anymore; I replied I turned 30 years old and grew up - she laughed.

Another friend who was present (and uses IG) said my reply was rude and that I insinuated anyone over 30 who uses IG needs to grow up.

That’s not what I was saying (although I do find it all a bit cringe these days if I’m honest!).

Do you think my reply was inappropriate or did my friend over react?

It was quite rude. Even more because you can’t see it.

You’re entitled to your opinion, of course - but how you said could come across as judgey…

You were very rude.

It’s one thing to say “I don’t enjoy it anymore” but to say “I grew up” is deliberately belittling your friend who uses it still.

To be clear, I find Instagram vacuous tosh most of the time and rarely post. But I’d never say that to my friend who loves it!! Recently she asked me why I didn’t post and I said that I wasn’t really enjoying it. Still the truth but delivered in a more balanced way.

Sounds like you still have some “growing up” to do yet OP.

As an over-30 user of IG I would have said something like "Oi, cheeky!" Laughed and moved on. That's all it was, a bit of a cheeky comment. Although I didn't go to Lady Marvellous' Finishing School and learn proper womanly manners unfortunately, so what am I to know.

Here I am in my 40s trying to make sense of Instagram to keep up with the young ones....

"If one has said something without thinking, they have said what they think"

A friend of mine says this type of thing - 'im too old for instagram'. Shes never had it. It is meant as a criticism. She thinks shes on some high horse. I couldnt give a shit. Its such a weird thing to say. Its (mainly) just photos. Who is too old for that?

You know it was a dig OP, or you’d have just said “I just decided to come off it” or something similar. You said what you did because you knew other people in the group use IG.

You gave an honest answer, relating to how you feel about it.
Folk shouldn't ask if they don't want an honest reply.
I do think lots of people over 30 do use IG, but there's also so much 💩 on there that I gave it up too. I did use it in my 40s though.

I'd say it was more cringe to use Mumsnet than Instagram. You were rude.

Me too.

i think it’s a reasonable thing to say and quite funny. Even if you do still look at IG over 30, you’d know that statements intent and humour behind it. I think those that get offended by it have a sense of humour failure and must be quite hard work. Keep having humour and fun in your life op.

Why do people throw down provocative statements like this and then cry when they get exactly what they wanted - a reaction?

I'm 60 and have an Instagram page for my work. I follow lots of different people It's lovely. I didn't realise ( or give a toss) there was an age limit.

Saying comments like this make you sound a bit superior and up your own arse but sometimes they come out. I wouldn’t be upset with you but some people are quite sensitive. I made one about tattoos the other day and had to rapidly cover it by pretending it was down to my dislike of needles, not the fact that I’m judgemental about badly done tattoos.

I'm 70 and on Instagram so I'm not grown up then. I only follow things I'm particularly interested in. @Mall03 you were very rude and patronising. You could have just said you weren't interested in it.

YABU, I would have reacted like your friend who called you rude. Instagram is a way of keeping in contact with people and has many positive uses!

Saying 'you have grown up' is the same as saying to your friend 'you have not grown up' in this context. Which depending on how it was said and your friendship could easily be seen as very rude.
Replace instagram with something elsenin the sentence and you will see.
Friend: 'do you like my new pink hair accessory'
You 'I wouldn't wear that, because I am a grown up'

I’m going against the grain. I think your friend is being over sensitive. It sounds like you were joking. She inferred you were calling her immature, where you were saying you’d outgrown it. A quick conversation about this would sort it, why sulk?

Have you actually properly explored the potential of instagram. It's far more then people posting pictures of food.

I can assure you I do none of that 😂😂😂 just boring photos of my travels! But it is worrying how addictive it can become …I’m glad I’m not a young woman these days

This^
i hope you get if by now.

As an over-30 user of IG I would have said something like "Oi, cheeky!" Laughed and moved on.

That. I'd respond in the same jokey way (assuming that you said it lightheartedly). Not sulk.

This. It works on algorithms so if you 'like' pictures of food it shows you more of the same. That says more about the person doing the 'liking' than Instagram itself.

Yes, maybe consider putting your brain into gear before opening your mouth! I know countless people on IG who are much older than 30……their choice, their business, not for me to criticise.