Not to leave child home alone

[EmbarrassedMum1]

Me and hubby are have a little disagreement about leaving our child home alone for an airport run.

For context, child is 10 and an overall sensible child, very well behaved and a great sleeper in general. DH and friends are off on a short trip next weekend and need to leave for the airport at 4am.
DH says leave DC in bed because I'll be back in 45mins (1hr max).
I'd planned on getting him up and putting him in the car in his dressing gown, but everyone thinks that's silly.
DC says he doesn't care about being left alone at home but he will ultimately do as told.
So am I being unreasonable to get him up to come with me?.

Both options are unfair on your 10yo. Book a taxi.

I’d be ok leaving my almost 11 year old for an hour (he is autistic but sensible and grandparents live around the corner in a village) but I would not leave him during the night. It just feels more dangerous then when they’re not awake to be aware of
any issues.

Don't leave the child alone. Although it's highly unlikely, shit can happen in 45 mins. Tell them to get a cab. Probably £50 divided however many ways. Tell them to have one less beer at the airport, that should cover it. 👍

I wouldn't leave my 10yr old for that.
I'd tell my husband to book a taxi or transfer of some kind.

Imagine the fire alarm went off, 10yr old wakes scared and possibly disorientated. Or you have an accident.
Or you get stuck in traffic from someone else having one and don't make it back for hours (stuck on a motorway with no way past).

Just not worth that possibility to me.

But does anyone know that the child is at home alone?

Wonder what SS would think about leaving a 10 year old alone at 4am to take dad on a jolly? Not a lot, I suspect.

I would not leave a 10 yr old alone while sleeping. Too vulnerable, I would to pop out quickly during the day. Your DH needs to get a cab.

Does anyone know? - you can arrange someone to know, family or friend.
Anyway 10 yo isn't a baby, they should know what they would do if the mum was at home but unconscious. This isn't that different.

It’s entirely different.

I was left alone frequently at 10. I hated it.

OP my DD is 10 and I know how u feel about saying very sensible, grown up etc mine too, however, it's not so much what your child could get up to, or do wrong, but more if there was a fire, a break in etc how on earth would u feel? Would it honestly be worth it? I just couldn't relax driving there or back I'd be stressed and rushing and that's not gonna help anyone. I agree with those who said do neither and make them get a taxi, however if it's not possible to do that, just take him with u, yes it's early but the worst that'll happen is he will have a nap later on or just go bed early that night. Please don't leave him it just isn't worth it.

This!

I mean it’s obvious you aren’t available to give your husband a lift!

Leaving them alone asleep is a bigger problem than leaving them awake - what if there’s a fire? It’s not impossible albeit unlikely. What if they wake up unwell?

I leave my DS8 home alone for up to 1hr during the day while I run errands but I wouldn't dream of leaving him alone when he's sleeping. Tell ur hubby to get a taxi.

Why does everyone assume the DH is the unorganised one and expects OP to drive them?
Its quite a normal thing to have a lift to the airport.

DH may have asked and OP said yes.
Or OP may have offered.

Either way, they have a difference of opinion that seems to have come up now as the date came closer.

OP, if you're uncomfortable then take your DS or tell DH to take a taxi.

You know your child best. Leaving a 10yr old alone for 45 minutes isn't a big deal if hes sensible and has a phone to contact you/family. If hes never been left alone before then maybe its not ideal for him to wake up alone, but the mornings are light now so not like hes waking in darkness.

Why can't he get a taxi? I wouldn't leave my 10 year old but neither would I get him out of bed so early. I would let DH make his own arrangements to get to the airport

So you and your sons sleep disrupted at 4am for a 30 minute journey?
just book a taxi?!

It isn't absolutely fine. It's extremely selfish of the OPs husband to expect a lift. Why can't he do something for them and get a taxi and leave them in bed

Depending on the child, I think it would be ok to leave them if need be (although I'm not keen on it being nighttime).

However that's not really the issue here. Because as other have said there is no reason to leave the child alone and wake you up at 4 am, when they can just book a cab!

The only people here being unfair are your husband and his friends for asking you to bring them to the airport. They are very selfish to expect it. You can’t leave your child at home (imagine if you had a car accident in the way home???) and it’s not fair waking him up to bring him along in the middle of the night. Tell them to book a taxi or find ask another wife/girlfriend/brother/sister/parent /neighbour….

I would leave my 10yo for 45min-1hr during the day but not at night.

Main reason being in unlikely event of a fire, they may not wake, or wake too late.

Also it is harder to summon help at night (he would e.g. go to a neighbour if there were issues in the daytime).

Where does OP say her DH expects a lift?

A lot of assumptions here.

All I get from this is OP is giving her DH a lift and didnt really discuss what would happen with their son until now.

OP assumed DC was going with them.
DH assumed DC would stay in bed. Neither are in the wrong.

School morning. No, DH needs to take/share a taxi.
Non school morning DS can accompany and squeeze a nap in somewhere if needed.

General rule of thumb for me (and I’m a child of the 70’s older mum) is secondary school for nights/super early mornings and daytime when you have started to coach them through possible issues.

I’ve done a train station run at that age - 5 mins each way while they slept. Any issues barring major traffic trauma and I could walk back in 15. But you have to work up to these things and build confidence.

Age 12 and 14 I’ll happily go out within 15 mins drive/30 mins walk but nothing more without supervision/neighbour on call which is a bigger ask than it was in the 80’s. People are much less relaxed about this stuff and I know will be checking/uptight until we are home

I've not read the full thread so apologies if this has already been mentioned.

Research shows that children DO NOT always wake up to smoke alarms. For this reason alone you are unreasonable. (Or DH is for suggesting it)

As a mum to a 10 year old myself, personally I wouldn’t leave him home for an hour, especially not in the early hours where if something went wrong at home, he couldn’t reasonably expect our trusted neighbours to be able to help.

It’s also not fair for 3 people to be getting up at 3/4am when only one person needs to be at the airport. I also live 45 mins from our nearest international airport and I wouldn’t dream of asking my husband to take me at that hour, nor would he I.

As others have said, he needs to just take a taxi.

I'd leave him - he'll be asleep. Even if you're delayed he's not likely to be up till 7-8am which gives you at least two hours leeway. He presumably knows how to make himself breakfast. If something happens to you, and you're not back by x time, he's old enough to use a phone to call a relative / friend (makes much more sense to me than him being with you in the middle of a car accident possibly also injured).

If you do take him, maybe take daytime clothes for him with you and stop somewhere for breakfast on the way home.