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Original poster

Not to leave child home alone

251 replies

EmbarrassedMum1 · 07/06/2025 09:52

Me and hubby are have a little disagreement about leaving our child home alone for an airport run.

For context, child is 10 and an overall sensible child, very well behaved and a great sleeper in general. DH and friends are off on a short trip next weekend and need to leave for the airport at 4am.
DH says leave DC in bed because I'll be back in 45mins (1hr max).
I'd planned on getting him up and putting him in the car in his dressing gown, but everyone thinks that's silly.
DC says he doesn't care about being left alone at home but he will ultimately do as told.
So am I being unreasonable to get him up to come with me?.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 09/06/2025 08:23

Kids don't wake up if the fire alarm goes off.

We didn't. A whole dorm of us ( 18 X 11-16yr olds) only when the teacher came in yelling at us.

Needspaceforlego · 09/06/2025 08:24

Laurmolonlabe · 09/06/2025 08:20

45 mins is nothing and 10 is old enough- how will they ever lead an independent life if they are never given any opportunities to be on their own?

There's opportunity's to be on their own that don't involve them being left in the middle of the night.

Merrymouse · 09/06/2025 08:28

No, and it's not just the thought of something tragic happening.

Why should you have to feel stressed and anxious about leaving your child when your husband can just take a taxi?

Babyboomtastic · 09/06/2025 08:29

BlackeyedSusan · 09/06/2025 08:23

Kids don't wake up if the fire alarm goes off.

We didn't. A whole dorm of us ( 18 X 11-16yr olds) only when the teacher came in yelling at us.

The risk of being in a car accident is much higher than the risk of the house randomly catching fire at 4am.

Babyboomtastic · 09/06/2025 08:32

Needspaceforlego · 09/06/2025 08:24

There's opportunity's to be on their own that don't involve them being left in the middle of the night.

Show quote history

Ooh yes!! Let's leave them at a higher risk time instead 😜

Ps: I'm still on team taxi, but perception of risk on here is so flawed it's bonkers.

croydon15 · 09/06/2025 08:52

Laurmolonlabe · 09/06/2025 08:20

45 mins is nothing and 10 is old enough- how will they ever lead an independent life if they are never given any opportunities to be on their own?

Not on his own at night time, anything could happen totally unreasonable.

Growlybear83 · 09/06/2025 08:59

NoKnit · 09/06/2025 07:43

I'm gobsmacked that considering how super strict parents in the UK can be about bedtimes and go to any expense to make sure their little darlings are asleep super early and unable to have a later night ever that lots of people think waking a child hours earlier than normal for this is ok. It's insane

Leave child in bed (totally fine in my opinion) or tell them to get a taxi (what mine would do regardless of kids)

I really wouldn’t see a problem in waking a ten year old up for a couple of hours - I think many people are far too rigid about sleep. I can’t imagine telling my husband to get a taxi to the airport, whatever the time - surely giving lifts to people in your household is just what you do if you can, and I know my husband would get up in the middle of the night (and has done) to give me a lift somewhere.

Needspaceforlego · 09/06/2025 09:18

@Growlybear83 you don't know the 10yo. They could end up being a grumpy tired bugger the next day.
We don't know if it's a weekend or school night, the kid could end up falling asleep at their desk.

That's really going to look great when they tell the teacher they are tired because the did an airport run.
Equally it's not going to sound great if they mention being home alone in the middle of the night..

I'm team taxi, it's unfair on both Op and child to have a disturbed nights sleep just so DH can go on a jolly.

JuliaLilian · 09/06/2025 09:24

It is just plain selfish for a man to expect his wife (and possibly child too) to get up at that time to save him a taxi fare. I agree that the risk of something happening to delay you returning on time is too much. In the UK it’s illegal to leave a child alone when they could be at risk.

Growlybear83 · 09/06/2025 09:27

Needspaceforlego · 09/06/2025 09:18

@Growlybear83 you don't know the 10yo. They could end up being a grumpy tired bugger the next day.
We don't know if it's a weekend or school night, the kid could end up falling asleep at their desk.

That's really going to look great when they tell the teacher they are tired because the did an airport run.
Equally it's not going to sound great if they mention being home alone in the middle of the night..

I'm team taxi, it's unfair on both Op and child to have a disturbed nights sleep just so DH can go on a jolly.

But presumably the OP does know her child and that getting up wouldn’t affect them too badly or she wouldn’t have given this as an option in her first post.

RealEagle · 09/06/2025 10:03

Why can’t your husband and his mates get a cab?

Needspaceforlego · 09/06/2025 10:11

Yes its illegal to leave a child when they could be at risk. But that involves an argument about what the risks are.

To determine if its against the law you need to determine the level of risk. What exactly is the risk of leaving a 10yo sleeping in their bed?

The biggest risk has to be they don't hear the smoke alarms. What's the chances of the smoke alarms going off?

Or they suddenly decide to vomit which is equally remote for a well child to suddenly be sick in the one hour they are left home alone.

Or the other risk is an external factor, someone thinking theres an empty house lets rob it. The chances of that happening is equally remote especially at 4am most break ins are just after midnight.

In the terms of the law it's a very grey area. I just don't think asking Op and DS to get up at 4am to save a few quid is a reasonable request.

Sprogonthetyne · 09/06/2025 10:23

If it's a 45 minute round trip, it's only a 20 minute taxi ride, which won't cost that much, especially split between the friends going. Or maybe one of the other people going could sort a lift?

I wouldn't leave av10yo alone in the middle of the night, but also wouldn't get them up unless it was an emergency (which a planned airport run isn't)

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 09/06/2025 10:41

I definitely wouldn't wake him up, that's really unfair and I bet if you get back at 5am he won't go back to sleep.
I've left my child this age asleep in bed but only for 20 mins as was a shorter trip than yours. I probably wouldn't leave him for an hour especially as there's a risk something happens to you on the journey that delays you.
My husband works away a lot, and is always off to the station or the airport at 4/5/6am, he'd never ask for a lift, he always gets a taxi or drives and pays for parking. Mainly because he knows I don't want to get up at 4am let alone the kids!

CR2025 · 09/06/2025 12:14

If they are going in a group surely one of them has a friend/family member who can give a lift?

otherwise taxi.

Sadworld23 · 10/06/2025 12:24

Martymcfly24 · 07/06/2025 10:02

It's not about them being sensible it's about situations beyond their control that could happen to you or them.

I have a 10 year old and I just asked her and she said no way would she be happy with that.

Tell your dh to get a taxi.

This

lilkitten · 10/06/2025 12:27

At 10 I was happy to leave DD home alone in the daytime for a while (with a phone), but not while sleeping

Spottyblobby · 10/06/2025 12:36

Leaving a sensible, well prepared 10 year old for an hour here & there, with clear instructions, phone numbers for emergencies and even a small list of chores to crack on with whilst your out is a great way to build independence and confidence.
However, this is not that, this is leaving a sleeping child who, if there were to be an emergency would not be thinking cognitively, would be tired and disoriented and potentially unsafe. Please don’t leave your child, even if they just wake up a bit scared at being alone this could really disrupt their self confidence and put them off doing more stuff independently in the future.

Myle · 14/06/2025 12:37

EmbarrassedMum1 · 07/06/2025 09:52

Me and hubby are have a little disagreement about leaving our child home alone for an airport run.

For context, child is 10 and an overall sensible child, very well behaved and a great sleeper in general. DH and friends are off on a short trip next weekend and need to leave for the airport at 4am.
DH says leave DC in bed because I'll be back in 45mins (1hr max).
I'd planned on getting him up and putting him in the car in his dressing gown, but everyone thinks that's silly.
DC says he doesn't care about being left alone at home but he will ultimately do as told.
So am I being unreasonable to get him up to come with me?.

Errr..not sure on this one. I was an only child ( a girl) and quite well behaved but I was a tad geeky . At 10 , My parents used to leave me reading my books in peace at home while going out to run errands. Never had any issues. .

llizzie · 14/06/2025 16:12

Myle · 14/06/2025 12:37

Errr..not sure on this one. I was an only child ( a girl) and quite well behaved but I was a tad geeky . At 10 , My parents used to leave me reading my books in peace at home while going out to run errands. Never had any issues. .

Show quote history

Not all 10 year olds are paragons of virtue. Some get up to mischief. You don't know what until you leave them alone...........

Original poster
EmbarrassedMum1 · 14/06/2025 16:44

I've been totally shocked at some of the replies to this post. Some have made some good points, which have been really good food for thought for me, so thank you for those.
Others well need to give yourself a talking to. Mentions of social services were a bit extreme. My husband has been called selfish and a man-child for his "expectation." Told to have less beer at the airport to pay for a taxi, he doesnt drink. But what you don't know is he is the complete opposite! I WANTED to take him, he makes many sacrifices for us so I can be a SAHM, so yes this had to be a cheap trip for him to go see a historical site he's always wanted to see. Also even if I wasn't driving him I'd be up with him to make him a cuppa before he left anyway.

To those who thought it's not right/unfair to wake a sleeping child, generally curious have you never woken them even for a holiday? Or a trip that left early?.

This is after the fact now anyway, my DS decided he wanted to come anyway, he was up at 3:45 ready to go excited to be leaving in the dark, an hour later we were in mcdonalds car park waiting for breakfast to start. All was well and we had a great time chatting in the car. He powered through the day and crashed about 8 and slept for 14hrs all is well and so are we.

OP posts:
llizzie · 14/06/2025 20:25

EmbarrassedMum1 · 14/06/2025 16:44

I've been totally shocked at some of the replies to this post. Some have made some good points, which have been really good food for thought for me, so thank you for those.
Others well need to give yourself a talking to. Mentions of social services were a bit extreme. My husband has been called selfish and a man-child for his "expectation." Told to have less beer at the airport to pay for a taxi, he doesnt drink. But what you don't know is he is the complete opposite! I WANTED to take him, he makes many sacrifices for us so I can be a SAHM, so yes this had to be a cheap trip for him to go see a historical site he's always wanted to see. Also even if I wasn't driving him I'd be up with him to make him a cuppa before he left anyway.

To those who thought it's not right/unfair to wake a sleeping child, generally curious have you never woken them even for a holiday? Or a trip that left early?.

This is after the fact now anyway, my DS decided he wanted to come anyway, he was up at 3:45 ready to go excited to be leaving in the dark, an hour later we were in mcdonalds car park waiting for breakfast to start. All was well and we had a great time chatting in the car. He powered through the day and crashed about 8 and slept for 14hrs all is well and so are we.

Can I ask you why you posted please?

FanofLeaves · 14/06/2025 20:31

So…what was the point?

UnderratedCabbage · 14/06/2025 20:45

Pretty clear from OP's first post what her question was.
It was not "is my dh a dick because I will be deivinf him to the airport".

croydon15 · 15/06/2025 09:42

FanofLeaves · 14/06/2025 20:31

So…what was the point?

To set the record straight for all those who called her DH selfish etc