I got married yesterday and I can't stop crying.

[MoreThanOverwhelmed]

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

Very sad news, so sorry.

I'm so sorry you’re in this situation, it’s absolutely heartbreaking, I was the same age when I went through it.

I wish I’d spent less time thinking about the after and more time in the now. I know it’s easier said than done but I had no idea what life would be like after, I don’t think it’s imaginable until you’re in it, but know you will be ok. There’s a very supportive community when you’re widowed young and you won’t be alone.

Like a previous poster I wish I had more recordings of my husbands voice, just every day things like goodnight and I love you would be amazing to have. Maybe a hand cast or one of the iris photos if possible. But most importantly just talk and spend as much time together as possible with and without the children.

Oh gosh, OP. How utterly, utterly awful. I'm so sorry.

This might be of use to your kids at some point: winstonswish.org

I’m so sorry. You have an awful lot of to deal with.

I’m really sorry to hear your dh’s update too. Sending you gentle hugs. 💐

I don’t know what to say other than I’m so sorry and thinking of you. Life can be utterly ballbag bullshit bloody crap and it puts lots of things in perspective. Take care of yourself x

I'm so sorry.

Sorry for your situation. All I can say is push for the hospice. Any hospice. The support they will provide you and the children and the extended family is priceless. They will even have a finance guy to help you with all the crap stuff x

What a desperately sad situation for you all

I hope you can get support for yourself, in between trying to be strong for everyone else. This organisation might be helpful for you https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/

I am so sorry @MoreThanOverwhelmed xx

I am so sorry to hear your DH is so ill. Thinking of you and your DC.

Sending hugs and sympathy x

Nothing useful to say but I wanted to send you love. I’m so sorry. There’s a supportive community here rooting for you.

I am so so sorry this is happening to you. Child bereavement uk and Winston’s wish are fantastic charities that may help in regards to the children. My advice would be use clear simple language and as hard as it is, be honest. No amount of trying to protect them will protect them. This is a traumatic experience for all of you. Be kind to yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask first help from family and friends. Take each day as it comes and try not to think too far ahead.
sending you lots of love

Sending you love from across the pond, OP.

I don't have much practical advice except to ask if you've got a plan in place for "the very end", even though I am sure it's not something you want to be thinking of right now. Have you got childcare arranged, a friend or other sitter who would be willing to watch your DC for an unknown number of hours if the doctors tell you "today is the end"? Presumably some of your DH's family/PIL would want to also be there at that time and may not be able to watch your DC.

My dad had an accident when I was 18 and sustained such catastrophic brain damage that I feel that I "lost" him that day. I chose to be at his bedside when he was finally moved to hospice care (I was the only member of my family who stayed) and I held his hand as he passed. I can say that it was an awful experience, but not one I would trade for anything. I am so glad that I chose to be at his side at the end.

Keep a lock of your DH's hair or perhaps some other small mementoes - your DC may want them later on in life. Take photos and videos of him while he is still here, even though he may look a bit ill.

Tell him anything you've been hanging on to, or just let him know how much you love him and how happy he made you. Regret is so very much worse than grief.

Oh bless you, Morethanoverwhelmed, that is so sad. You have done the right thing to get married, now you need to dry your tears and make the most of the time you have left so your last memories of your time together will be love. You will always have your husband with you in the form of your children and they will give you much comfort.

I am glad you have two sets of supportive parents; they will grieve too of course but they will help you and their grandchildren. We will support you too. x

Just wanted to send my love to you, your husband and your children. I married my husband in hospital last March. 23 years together and we never sorted it out. I am very pleased that I got to take his name, and now share the same name with our son. There was no celebration, there was just an empty, incomplete feeling. I fooled myself that when he got to the hospice, and he started to feel a bit better, we could have a small celebration then. He never recovered enough and died 17 days later. I have no advice, this will be the worst time of your life, but I pray for strength to see this through, and for you to have the strength for your beautiful husband and children. It is okay to cry, and listen to songs that will make you cry. You are experiencing pre-grief, and after, will experience grief. This is the price of love. If we never love, we would never feel pain, but it would mean never caring for another person.. My heart goes out to you xxx

Sorry for your trouble

So sorry. Life is so unfair.

sending you light and love for the times ahead. X

Oh OP I'm so sorry.

I’m so so sorry Op. sending hugs & love 💕

Huge Hugs xxxx

Dear OP, I'm so sorry 😞 Life won't be the same without your DH but you will find sunshine and joys together with yoyr family anf friends. One day you'll meet Him again in Heaven. Amen ❤️

Completely agree with this too. Hospice care is so much better for end of life too ime.

This is such moving and lovely advice.
This whole thread is reducing me to tears and there are so many wise words in it .

So many have been through so much sadness.

Im so sorry @MoreThanOverwhelmed and I hope you’re managing to feel the love and support that’s being sent to you, your DH and your DC ❤️ from everyone.

Sending love your way - so sorry this is happening to you all.