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Original poster

I got married yesterday and I can't stop crying.

534 replies

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 05:07

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Gremlins101 · 22/07/2025 07:05

I am so so sorry for your loss OP. Be very gentle with yourself, love to you and your children 💐❤️

Izz81 · 22/07/2025 07:06

Absolutely heartbreaking, I remember reading this thread last month. Tight hand hold, time does ease the pain but as with any loss its a varying distance on the road out of grief and this kind of loss will be a long road but you will get there. This thread is filled with great advice I cant add much just echoing to concentrate on you and your little ones, poor kids, you all need the tightest hand hold and hugs. Utilise family and friends, hoping they have rallied round for you dont be afraid to reach out but also dont be afraid to say if you find it overwhelming.

I will say this about MN and ive been on here for years and years in various usernames, Mumsnetters are and have always been great at rallying online in threads like this so you can always come here to find help or just to offload. Thinking of you and your children. I am so sorry for your loss. x

Toomanydogwalks · 22/07/2025 07:07

Well done for getting through yesterday, totally understandable that you had a few drinks. Lots of water today, eat something if you can.

The wise words from a group I’m in is ‘go gently’. Be kind and gentle to yourself OP.

It will take time but you will be OK.

sashh · 22/07/2025 07:12

So sorry. And yes the drinking is understandable.

IamEarthymama · 22/07/2025 07:19

I am so sorry to hear this sad news.
Be kind to yourself today.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 22/07/2025 07:29

So sorry, @MoreThanOverwhelmed. No wonder your are more than overwhelmed. Sending you more love and hugs. Glad your family is around to take care of you and the children.

Bluespecs · 22/07/2025 07:47

I am so very sorry for your loss ❤️

VIOLETPUGH · 22/07/2025 07:54

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 21/07/2025 18:31

It was DH's funeral today.
I drank too much.
I've been sick.
My parents have taken DC for dinner.
I still feel sick.
I hate this.

Oh how very very sad, sending virtual love and hugs to you and yours. 💔

Bikergran · 22/07/2025 08:15

Just take one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, grief never goes but it becomes easier to deal with. Love and support your children, take time for yourself. Don't be afraid to smile. Sending lots of love and hugs.

Bikergran · 22/07/2025 08:16

Just take one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, grief never goes but it becomes easier to deal with. Love and support your children, take time for yourself. Don't be afraid to smile. Sending lots of love and hugs.

Sabrinaspellman01 · 22/07/2025 08:18

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 21/07/2025 18:31

It was DH's funeral today.
I drank too much.
I've been sick.
My parents have taken DC for dinner.
I still feel sick.
I hate this.

Sending you and your children all the love in my heart ❤️

Lilactimes · 22/07/2025 08:19

elusiveemz · 07/06/2025 10:09

First of all, congratulations on the wedding. Less than ideal circumstances, but still a wonderful occasion to celebrate the love you have with each other.

Secondly, I am so so sorry that this is the situation you are in. It's horrible. It's unfair and it's cruel. Nothing anyone can say will change that.

But you will survive. You will get through it. Even if it doesn't feel like it at times. It will be hard. So hard. But you will be OK, and your children will be OK.

One of my best friends lost her husband in an accident just a few months after they got married. They had one child in y5 at the time. She's three years on now, and while she is of course still grieving her husband, she's also living again, and her son is in high school and doing well.

She told me that all she could do in those early days was get through the day hour by hour. When she went to bed, she would tell herself 'I've managed to get through a day', and at the end of the week she would 'celebrate' getting through the week by buying herself a fancy coffee, a new book - just tiny things to remind herself she was surviving and even when it felt thr world was falling in, she was still there, still holding it up.

I don't know if that's any help, but i know it helped her.

Make sure you are looking after yourself as well. You've just had surgery and you matter. Reach out for support, don't worry about feeling cheeky to call in favours and ask for help. Schools often have a family support or liason officer that at the very least will be able ton signpost you to help and put measures in place to support thr children in school.

Sending you lots of love

Dear @MoreThanOverwhelmed I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine you you must feel.
i thought I’d repost this from @elusiveemz as it echoes the words of others I know who’ve been through extreme grief. I hope it’s a little bit helpful for you to read these words again. Take small steps - these next few weeks you just need to get through… but it won’t always feel like it does today ❤️

Lean on your friends and parents they will want to help you, and also help you whilst you’re recovering physically from your operation.

sending lots of love xxx

Candleabra · 22/07/2025 08:24

So sorry. I was (am) a young widow too and it is a headfuck of the highest order. Lean on everyone, they are desperate to help you. Widowed and Young (WAY) is a charity offering a lot of support from other widows. I found it helpful practicality but also speaking to other people who just “get it”.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 22/07/2025 08:33

@MoreThanOverwhelmed

I am so sorry for your loss.

Squirrelsnut · 22/07/2025 08:40

You poor darling. I'm so, so sorry. ❤️ 💐

GladiatoooorsReadyyyy · 22/07/2025 08:53

I’m so very sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself today. Take each day one step at a time, you can and will get through this ❤️

TimeForATerf · 22/07/2025 08:58

I’m so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine the pain you are in right now. In time it will ease, but for now there are lots of us thinking of you and sending our thoughts and prayers to you and your children.

pontipinemum · 22/07/2025 09:29

I am so so sorry for your loss. I honestly cannot imagine the pain. But lean on anyone that offers help. They wouldn't offer if they didn't mean it x

NutmegsMum · 22/07/2025 09:36

I am just so sorry this is happening to you OP. It is so horrible and I can't even imagine how you're feeling. Massive hugs and thinking of you today.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 22/07/2025 09:54

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 05:20

My family and PILs are absolutely amazing. They have been, and continue to be so supportive and helpful. But they do have their own lives and families to contend with too.

So sorry for what you and your children are going through. Glad to hear your family and PILs are rallying round. There's some good practical advice on this thread. Wishing you all the best Flowers

Gardener246 · 22/07/2025 10:03

I've seen books online that explain things for children depending on their age.

Whattheduck · 22/07/2025 10:10

So sorry for your loss be gentle with yourself sending love to you and your family

Rainbow1901 · 22/07/2025 10:21

I am so sorry for your loss. Lean on everyone you can - just to get you through the days. Let them look after you too as you will be fragile - not just because of your loss but because you are recovering from an operation yourself. Saying a prayer for you and your family.

Isometimeswonder · 22/07/2025 10:21

You are a strong lady and have been there for your husband and kids. Now let people take care of you for a bit.
I am so sorry for your loss xx

speckledf · 22/07/2025 10:44

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 05:07

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

OP I am so sorry. I'll pray for you and your family. You have gotten this far. One day at a time. Heck one five minutes at a time if it's what you need. Which part of the country are you in? Maybe some of us could cook for you or support in another way that might be helpful?
Do you have family support for your children during the summer holidays? Respite while you are recovering from surgery?