DH and MIL go ahead without me?

[oliviad1986]

Try to keep brief:

DH birthday on Sunday. New steak place opened up near us a few months ago and we said MIL would enjoy as she likes steak, none of us have yet been but I would love to go too, quite fancy place. Anyway we arranged for 3 of us to go out to celebrate birthday Saturday eve with my sister babysitting. MIL said it would be her treat. Sister can no longer babysit and MIL said that she and DH could still go.

i don’t know why but i feel like a bit annoyed. It’s somewhere we wouldn’t go to often and could rearrange when my sister could do but then again I also feel like maybe I ABU and should just say two of them to go?

Yes, I think the two of them should still go.

Of course they should still go. It's his birthday and nice for him to celebrate with his mum aswell .
Also it's just a restaurant, I'm sure you can go another time .

I'd be so annoyed, completely different if Dmil had arranged it, or it was her birthday.

Its his bday and his mother. YABU

They should still go, it’s not like they’re having a birthday weekend away without you, it’s just a meal at a restaurant

As a MiL, I would offer to babysit so that you and DH could go together. That’s how much I love my son.

I’d expect to reschedule, but my husband would go completely mad after 10 minutes of his mother’s undiluted company, no matter how good the food, so it wouldn’t arise.

I’d change the birthday plans to eat in if I were him and the three of you go there another time. I totally get why you’re annoyed.

I would probably have offered to babysit instead, but I do think it's quite sweet that he and his mum are having a birthday meal together. I wouldn't say anything.

Not sure if relevant but we see his mum weekly

No, that sucks!

She was invited to join you and DH, you don’t get left out if your DH’s birthday because she has ‘bought’ the occasion!

The obvious answer is buy steak, stay at home and re-arrange the restaurant for another night.

Or find another babysitter

Is there a reason why his Mother can't babysit? Can you afford it another night, or is it slightly out of your price range?

I think it's a shame for him to have to sit indoors on his birthday when he could go out for the planned meal.

Why has your sister let you down, fairly last minute? Is there anyone else you can ask?

I'd be pissed off too. If I was MIL I would reschedule the whole thing. I wouldn't dream of leaving my DIL out. But really the decision is down to your DH, not your MIL.

Totally get why you feel a bit put out—it's a place you were all excited to try and now you're being sidelined. You're not being unreasonable to feel that way. Maybe suggest rearranging for a time you can go too—it’s DH’s birthday, but it's also a rare treat you were looking forward to as a couple.

I would be quite annoyed. Why would your husband go out with his mother for his birthday. If your sitter fell through I would expect either 1) mil to step in and babysit or 2) the birthday plans to adjust and become a family outing.

At no point would my husband leave me at home while he celebrated his birthday. That was actually the very final nail in the coffin of my marriage with my XH. If you don’t want to celebrate your birthday with your spouse, it’s really not much of a marriage

If MIL lives nearby then surely changing the date would be best.

Any other potential babysitters?

I wonder what the view would be if the situation were reversed - as in, a woman went out with just her Mum to celebrate her birthday. I don’t think most people would bat an eyelid.

No other potential babysitters as my parents are on holiday. She is our childcare one day a week and she does help us out with childcare on evenings on occasions that we have meals etc so now I’m thinking I am being a bit out of order thinking it

I think yabu.

I would think nothing of going out with my mum and or sister to celebrate my birthday and my husband would happily look after the kids

You and husband could have another meal out when mil or your sister can babysit.

I think that's really selfish , unpleasant behaviour.
Of course it should be rescheduled for when you can all go.
The celebration meal doesn't need to be on.his actual birthday.
It sounds like your MiL still thinks she is the most important woman in his life.
I would be very disappointed in my H if he didn't say that of course he wants you to be there for his birthday celebration.

Funny when I was young the " mother in law jokes " were a big thing. Poking nasty fun at the mother in law was normal. But it was always directed at the wife's mother.
On MN the way some husband's mothers behave is almost like a caricature of these old jokes because their behaviour is just so outrageous in their attitudes to their Daughters in Law.

Exactly that’s the scenario that makes sense if the baby isn’t able to join also

Of course they should go. Why should they miss out?

If I was m’n’law I would offer to baby sit … but why not just bring the baby? Or get another sitter?

I'd be a bit disappointed to miss out on a nice meal but I'd tell DH and MIL to go, it's his birthday meal and his mum! Maybe arrange for her to have the kids another night so you and he can have a night out just the two of you?