DH and MIL go ahead without me?

[oliviad1986]

Try to keep brief:

DH birthday on Sunday. New steak place opened up near us a few months ago and we said MIL would enjoy as she likes steak, none of us have yet been but I would love to go too, quite fancy place. Anyway we arranged for 3 of us to go out to celebrate birthday Saturday eve with my sister babysitting. MIL said it would be her treat. Sister can no longer babysit and MIL said that she and DH could still go.

i don’t know why but i feel like a bit annoyed. It’s somewhere we wouldn’t go to often and could rearrange when my sister could do but then again I also feel like maybe I ABU and should just say two of them to go?

If I were your MIL, I would offer to babysit so that you could both go out.

It’s selfish and unpleasant behaviour to expect her husband to miss out on a birthday dinner.

Well I hope he isn't hoping for dessert at home. Isn't it his dc also?
Whenever your birthday is make your own plans also.

Why should the OP be the person to stay at home when childcare arrangements for their children fell through? MIL can visit and they can get a take-away for dinner and look forward to the dinner out when they have child-care.

It would have been nice for her to say, I’ll babysit and you and dh go….. but I’d just remember this and not say anything!

MIL said that she and DH could still go.

And presumably your husband is OK with that?

Because its her husbands birthday. They could have a meal out together another time together when mil or op's sister can babysit, which it sounds like both of them are willing to do, as well as her partner going for this meal.

As you weren’t going on his actual birthday anyway I’d just change it to another day but then my husband wouldn’t want dinner out with just his mum

Why can't he go for dinner with his mum?

Why shouldn't she look after her own children so her DH can celebrate his birthday by spending some time with his mum?

Selfish and unpleasant ??? How so ? The OP and her partner decided to go out for dinner the day before his birthday and invited his Mum along. A babysitter was arranged which has now fallen there. These things happen when you have children. The simplest thing to do is to re-arrange when they can organise a babysitter.

YANBU MIL should definitely offer to babysit! Mine would, but then my husband wouldn't dream of leaving me at home either!

Can’t he celebrate it another time ? It would be nice to think he would like his partner to be with him for his birthday dinner.

I dont agree with this.

I have been married happily for 18 years and when our children were smaller, we both had nights out with friends for birthdays whilst the other stayed home with the kids.

Not celebrating birthdays together has certainly not indicated an issue in our marriage, it showed each other that we were happy for the other to do something they would enjoy and their spouse enable that to happen by staying home with the kids.

Cards on the table, I really did not like my MIL, but she was the one that carried him, gave birth, and despite her own personality, managed to bring him up to be a decent human being, so, if it were me, I would let them go together happily.

Then I would ensure that DH & I went out without MIL, to somewhere I fancied.

By that logic, can't he celebrate with his wife another time too?

@oliviad1986 what does your husband actually want? That’s what matters the most here. I’d be a bit annoyed too but I also know that DH would want me there if it was for his birthday and a place we’d discussed and were excited about trying together.

I think the issue is it’s been stated as fact by mil with zero discussion. In a very much mum says like his a child and she’s planning his birthday (id say the same if it was his dad)

Really your dh should have been the one to decide what plan he wanted to do for his celebration meal. Not someone else.

If it was my meal I’d of rearranged for another time. If it was my child I’d of offered to watch the grandbaby.

Because it's her husbands birthday and its his mother.

If our baby sitter fell through I would expect my DH to stay home and I would go with my family.

When we got a baby sitter next we would celebrate together.

They can rearrange the meal for another time.
How is he missing out?
He's supposed to be an adult isn't he?

And he can arrange to go with his wife another time too.

But he didn’t decide. His mother decided. We don’t actually know the dh’s preference. It’s just been stated as fact by his mother that him and her will still be going. No discussion just fact.

Me too...I really cant see why some people would have an issue with this

Especially since op admits her sister will babysit another time, and mil also babysits so would likely facilitate them going out another time.

I would either reschedule or you go with DH and MIL babysits. He can take his mum there for her birthday.

This is tricky, because the meal is his mum's treat for his birthday. It's not like you all decided to go on an equal footing.

I'd still find it odd not be with with my DH on his birthday though. In her position I think I'd offer him the treat meal on an alternative day and let you two go out.