DH and MIL go ahead without me?

[oliviad1986]

Try to keep brief:

DH birthday on Sunday. New steak place opened up near us a few months ago and we said MIL would enjoy as she likes steak, none of us have yet been but I would love to go too, quite fancy place. Anyway we arranged for 3 of us to go out to celebrate birthday Saturday eve with my sister babysitting. MIL said it would be her treat. Sister can no longer babysit and MIL said that she and DH could still go.

i don’t know why but i feel like a bit annoyed. It’s somewhere we wouldn’t go to often and could rearrange when my sister could do but then again I also feel like maybe I ABU and should just say two of them to go?

His Mum can treat him another time. I’m a MIL, I would babysit so you could go.

So I think it is unreasonable to expect someone to do a lot for you but not to be part of your celebrations and good times.

Some of the other posts about how a good MIL would know her place and do babysitting rather than enjoy an evening out with her son make me a bit uncomfortable. Like the idea is that MILs should be like Cinderella.

I agree op, its a bit mean

But by that logic, OP can celebrate with him at another time too, can't she?

MIL is paying so she has decided it is going ahead. Change the date and she may decide not to pay ?

It reads to me that husband & Op decided to go out & invite MIL as well.

Looking at it that way I think it would be nice of MIL to drop out & let Op & her husband go.

However by offering to pay, MIL has made it her treat to her son in which case Op should drop out I think.

However if MIL hasn't offered to babysit then Op & her husband going at that time isn't an option.

Our parents would all offer to babysit and still offer to pay for us to to go.

I'd find it odd to be at home while my husband went out with his mum to celebrate his birthday.

We'd probably just change it to a lunch booking so we could take our child and also MIL too though.

YABU

Why should DH miss out on his birthday meal just because you can’t go.
That’s really selfish of you.

Why can’t you just go in a couple of weeks time with your sister or something.

When you’re the MIL and your DIL gets pissed off because she begrudges your son going for a meal with you, remember, that was you once

My dh would reschedule on his own! He wouldn’t want me to miss out. Your mil is bad to not offer that you go

Ooh - this is a tricky one. It sounds like MIL really wants to
go! The most obvious reaction would be for her to offer to sit out and babysit - but it being her treat muddies that a little as obviously she wanted to try the place. Assuming you get on well otherwise, I think I’d be gracious and say “yes - you go - it looks fantastic. If it’s good, can we ask you to babysit so that I can go with DH another night “. Then your DH gets a birthday treat and you get a childfree night?

I would suggest you postpone the restaurant until your sister is available and have a night in - maybe cook something lovely or get a takeaway. It doesn't seem fair for anyone to miss out on the treat

Yep. It honestly baffles me that people would get upset about this.

Both my mum and MIL would do this, a child free evening out as a couple is the birthday treat, he can go out with his mum anytime because the OP will be around to watch the DC

Exactly what I would do too, @Kissedbyfire1.

Oooof @oliviad1986 - you DEFINITELY deserve a child free steak dinner in light of this! If you’re in Yorkshire, I’LL babysit for you! 🤣

I think it’s really weird if her not to offer to babysit. It’s like she’s assuming your DH would rather spend the evening with her rather than you, his wife.

Personally I find this a bit off.
Appreciate that "couple time" is hard to find

Your MIL (and DH) is out of order.

If this was my family, I’d definitely offer to babysit so son and wife could enjoy his birthday meal together.

And if you are in SW London, I would be there for you

It’s your husbands birthday. And your MILs paying. So you’re the obvious one to sit out if all 3 of you can’t go.

ideally MIL would have offered to babysit but it sounds like she already does child care for you so I can see why she might not.

sorry it’s not panned out as you wanted but I do t think MIL or your DH are in the wrong.

OP it’s a bit tricky with all your updates.

Shame that your sister can’t babysit but for a very good reason.

Seeing as MIL does a lot for you let her go with DH as it’s his birthday

I can understand your disappointment as you were looking forward to trying this new place and now it feels like your being sidelined.

I’d reschedule a celebratory meal with DH when you’d be able to go.

That's huge. I'd do all you possibly can to keep her happy if I were you.

Yes it’s lovely that they’ll get mum and son time. I was always careful in my marriage and relationships to let them have time on their own instead of me being there all the time.

This! I'd be annoyed if wasn't going with my DH on his birthday too.
Or I'd expect the restaurant to be rearranged on a date we could all go