DH and MIL go ahead without me?

[oliviad1986]

Try to keep brief:

DH birthday on Sunday. New steak place opened up near us a few months ago and we said MIL would enjoy as she likes steak, none of us have yet been but I would love to go too, quite fancy place. Anyway we arranged for 3 of us to go out to celebrate birthday Saturday eve with my sister babysitting. MIL said it would be her treat. Sister can no longer babysit and MIL said that she and DH could still go.

i don’t know why but i feel like a bit annoyed. It’s somewhere we wouldn’t go to often and could rearrange when my sister could do but then again I also feel like maybe I ABU and should just say two of them to go?

Seems fine to me. I wouldn't mind this at all.

He can have a birthday dinner out with his mum, absolutely.

And he was free to object if he wasn't happy.

I really don't understand what the issue is. He can go with his mum on his birthday and with OP another day...

Of course he can but I think that’s what’s making the op second guess it however.

Because it’s her birthday?

But it's his mums' treat. Of course she needs to be there - so she can pay!

OP can treat him another time.

Yeah, what an awful woman offering to take her son out for dinner.

@saraclara it sounded like they invited MIL and then she offered to pay, so slightly different from MIL offering the meal in the first place

In this case I would expect to rearrange or actually for MIL to offer to babysit so her son can go out with his wife on his birthday?!

Is that not what he would prefer…..?

My Mil would offer to babysit.
I think we’d reschedule if not sitter was forthcoming, and get a nice takeaway (oh would want me there).

Well personally I’d hope DH would want me as the wife to celebrate the evening with him and the MIL to offer to babysit! No offence but MIL I assume had shared all his birthdays with him previously but now he’s someone’s husband! Yes great if she could be part of it but in case of difficulties like this, why doesn’t she just let her now adult son spend the evening with his wife and mother of his child. Sorry I’d be v annoyed personally.

What do you mean by ‘no other babysitters available’ ? Do you actually mean that, or do you mean you don’t want to pay/not comfortable with one?

for me, this would be a non problem as id just organise a different sitter using babysitting.com or whatever

Why?

thanks for all replies, good to hear different perspectives. We have 2 year old twins and a 6 month old so I definitely would not want to take them to a fancy steak place at 7.30. They would be carnage!

@oliviad1986 do you get out often?

What was DH reaction?

I would want to reschedule for when you can all go.
Uanbu

Pre baby number 3 we would go out a lot and MIL would babysit but not recently where the baby is only 6mo

As a MIL my first suggestion would have been ‘you two go, my treat, and I will watch the children’.

DH was sort of waiting for my reaction. I think he would go if I said I am fine with that. My sister had to reschedule as my nephew has chicken pox, which is understandable.

It's DH's birthday. What does he want to do?

I wouldn't have minded if this situation arose, I would have encouraged my DH to go with MIL and then arrange to go out just the two of us another time.

MIL is paying for this meal, which was nice of her to offer. Originally you would have been paying for a meal for three until she offered to pay, now you will only pay for two if you go another time with DH.

Plus if you go another time it's just the two of you, no MIL.

So win-win all round.

I bet if it was a woman going out for dinner with her mum, there wouldn't be nearly as many negative comments.

I wouldn't have an issue with MiL and DH going in this situation.

She gave birth to him, in many ways his birthday is a bigger deal for her than his wife.

I think that is fine especially as she helps with childcare at other times and babysits so you can go out for the occasional meal. As she is paying for this one at least it doesn’t come out of the family budget so hopefully you and dh can go out for a meal in a week or so and ask her to babysit. Then you can pay for that meal for a belated birthday treat.
You can go out with him another night whereas I doubt he would make plans to go out for dinner with his mum another night.
Get yourself a nice meal in though. For example your own steak or a fancy ready meal/ dine in meal from m and s or Waitrose.

I think you are being completely reasonable to feel a bit upset but I also think it’s quite sad if she can’t go out for a meal with her son but it’s fine for her to babysit and do childcare. This would be a nice little treat as she does help out as well.

As the thread goes on it sounds like your MIL does an awful lot for you, so perhaps is ‘owed’ this